She doesn’t want to feel the pain anymore. She’s had enough.
Sometimes she wishes she had never been born, that she had never had to go through what she did. She wishes she could live someone else’s life just to escape her own.
That is what he did to her. That is how much she was broken, that she wanted to reject her own life at any cost, even if it meant not existing.
Living in that fucked up life was a constant battle.
She had to fight for her sanity and her life every single day.
Sometimes she would fall and forget who she was, and sometimes she would stand firmly on the ground scratching the doors in agony, wanting and screaming to get out.
On the days when nothing could beat her down, she knew exactly what was going on. She knew he was emotionally abusing her.
She knew he was an emotional vampire who needed to feed himself on her pain and suffering. But, she couldn’t do anything about it.
So, in her mind, she laid naked on her back and served herself for him to feast on her.
There was no other way, no way out because all the doors around her were not locked, but sealed.
On the days when he won the battle, she would forget who she was. She would follow him blindly, listening to every word he said.
She would retreat deep into her own mind where there was still a place to hide and she would shut down.
She would shut down from herself and from the world. She would become a stranger to herself because that was the only way to survive him and what he was doing to her.
Why did she stay? She stayed because she had no other choice.
She knew something was wrong, but she couldn’t figure it out. These men will do that to you. They will completely blind you and trick you into thinking that everything is perfectly fine.
When, on the other hand, they will use you for their own satisfaction until they suck you dry.
She stayed because she was manipulated.
That’s the thing with emotional psychopaths. Their victims don’t even know when they are being abused.
These women get so used to the idea of being abused that it becomes their everyday state, it becomes normal.
Even if they wake up for a moment from their dream that the psycho directed, they can’t escape it because they think they don’t deserve anything better.
She stayed because he made her feel like she was the crazy one.
That was his specialty, making her believe in things that never happened, making her believe she said words she had never spoken.
He wanted her to lose her voice and to become an empty shell waiting to be filled with his thoughts and aspirations.
He took away her self-worth and respect and she thought she was unlovable. She thought she was to blame for everything that happened to them. She thought no one would want her after she left.
She stayed because she was hooked on him.
He made her an addict to his abusive behavior. Every time she wanted to leave, he would know and he would change his behavior instantly.
He would give her enough love and attention just to keep her.
And that lasted for a few days, but as soon as things got better, as soon as she thought he could change, he turned into the monster he always was.
But even though she went to hell and back, she found the strength to finally put a stop to everything.
She finally realized she wasn’t going to waste her life on an emotional psycho because she knew she deserved better.
She knew she deserved someone who would move mountains for her, someone who would help her to become the best she could, someone who would challenge her, someone who would respect and cherish her, so she said goodbye to him forever.
But, that is not the end of the journey, it’s just the beginning. This is the point where her real struggle begins. This is the period of her life that will show whether she made it or not.
This is the time when she finds herself staring into the eyes of her biggest fear: ‘Will she be able to love anybody ever again?’
She needs a sanctuary
She needs someone who will understand what she has been through. Her trust was completely broken and run over and it’s going to be so hard for her to put her faith in someone again.
The only person who she can love is someone who will keep her safe from the most trivial things, someone who will let her know he has got her back at any time of the day, someone who will protect her from herself.
Only then, will she slowly show him the way to her heart. Once he gets there, he’ll stay there forever.
She builds walls around her
It’s almost impossible to get through to her, to tear down that high and thick wall she has built around herself to keep her safe. It makes her lonely and sad, but at least she is safe.
That’s how her mind works. It’s better to be alone than hurting.
If you really want her love, you’ll be patient. You’ll stand in front of that wall, day and night, in sunshine or rain, waiting for her to let you in.
She will be distant, but that doesn’t have anything to do with you, that’s her fear taking the best of her.
She subconsciously pushes men away
If she starts dating you, don’t be surprised if she starts to freak out even if things are perfectly fine. That’s her past talking.
She is scared you’ll turn into the heartless moron who was hurting her every day. Could you blame her?
She’ll probably turn cold and start ignoring you because her subconscious prevents her from letting go. She will try to sabotage your relationship, she will do anything to chase you away.
Don’t fall for that, be there for her, but give her some space. It’s just a matter of time when she is going to realize that this time it’s different.
She is a ‘love virgin’
She has no idea what true love is and what it feels like to be loved. This is the first time for her, so of course she will be confused and lost.
Maybe she did see what it was like to be loved at the beginning of her past relationship, but very soon that shattered into pieces.
Don’t think she doesn’t feel your love, don’t think she doesn’t care. She sees it and she feels it, it’s just that she doesn’t know how to react.
She has never experienced these new, strange feelings. She has never been truly loved.
She can’t shake off feeling you’re going to lose it
Despite things being insanely beautiful, she can’t stop thinking about what might await her. She can’t stop imagining all the things he did to her before you.
She can’t relax and enjoy things because she has been traumatized.
She can’t understand why you’re giving her everything she wants and needs, why you are showering her with love and affection.
She keeps thinking it’s a trap that will lure her in and then she will be captured and imprisoned like in her last relationship. But, it’s not like that at all and it never will be again.
This time, she has found the right one, the one she has been searching a long time for.
And more importantly, she has realized that if she didn’t endure that psychopathic hell, maybe she would never have met this beautiful person, maybe she would never have seen the worth of true and real love.