{"id":11223,"date":"2019-12-04T08:06:16","date_gmt":"2019-12-04T08:06:16","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/herway.net\/?p=11223"},"modified":"2021-08-12T13:32:31","modified_gmt":"2021-08-12T13:32:31","slug":"dios-perdona-aun-amante-maltratador","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/dios-perdona-aun-amante-maltratador\/","title":{"rendered":"Dios me perdone por seguir queriendo a mi maltratador"},"content":{"rendered":"

I don\u2019t think I could ever have imagined myself being in a mess such as this. I don\u2019t think I ever imagined myself to be capable of loving someone who broke me, someone who managed to destroy everything I worked so hard for. But I do.<\/p>\n

You see, I can\u2019t shake this feeling that I could\u2019ve done things differently.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Maybe if I\u2019d tried harder, maybe if I\u2019d stayed a little bit longer, he would\u2019ve changed. Maybe if I\u2019d given him another chance, maybe this time it would be different. Pero intento recordarme cada d\u00eda que yo nunca caus\u00e9 nada de esto, as\u00ed que no tengo poder para cambiarlo.<\/strong> Cada vez que sue\u00f1o con su cara, me obligo a mirar las cicatrices de mis brazos.<\/p>\n

Cada vez que sue\u00f1o con sus labios, me recuerdo todas las palabras de odio que pasaron por ellos. Cada vez que me encuentro echando de menos al hombre del que una vez me enamor\u00e9<\/a>...me recuerdo a m\u00ed mismo el hombre en el que se convirti\u00f3 al final. El hombre que me destruy\u00f3.<\/p>\n

Pero, que Dios me perdone, a\u00fan le quiero.<\/p>\n

Todav\u00eda le oigo gritar detr\u00e1s de m\u00ed, llam\u00e1ndome para que vuelva a la casa, llam\u00e1ndome para que vuelva con \u00e9l.<\/strong> Begging me to stay. And for so long, I wondered if I\u2019d done the right thing.<\/p>\n

Me dijo que me necesitaba, pero le abandon\u00e9. Me pidi\u00f3 que le ayudara, pero en lugar de eso, eleg\u00ed ayudarme a m\u00ed misma.<\/p>\n

Me suplic\u00f3 que me quedara, pero hu\u00ed. Quiz\u00e1, si me hubiera quedado, quiz\u00e1 si hubiera intentado ayudarle, podr\u00eda estar mejor. Pero ya ves, cuidar de alguien no puede ser a costa de abandonarse a s\u00ed mismo<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Taking care of his needs and neglecting mine is what I did the rest of our relationship, so I\u2019m trying to remind myself every day that it wasn\u2019t me who abandoned him.<\/p>\n

Nos abandon\u00f3 en el momento en que levant\u00f3 la voz, en el momento en que me arroj\u00f3 contra un espejo. Nos abandon\u00f3 en el momento en que me convirti\u00f3 en un objeto.<\/p>\n

Pero, que Dios me perdone, a\u00fan le quiero.<\/p>\n

\"Dios<\/p>\n

I never left because I decided I didn\u2019t love him.<\/strong> Nunca me fui porque su abuso se llev\u00f3 mi amor. Me fui porque decid\u00ed que me quer\u00eda m\u00e1s a m\u00ed misma.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I left because I couldn\u2019t keep hoping that he would change and keep getting my heart broken on a daily basis when I realized he wouldn\u2019t. I left because I couldn\u2019t keep loving for both of us, hoping that my love would change his behavior. Hoping that maybe my love was strong enough to chase away the abuser from him. But it never was.<\/p>\n

Mi amor, mis esperanzas, mis sue\u00f1os, eran s\u00f3lo juegos para \u00e9l. Mis sentimientos y mi cuerpo eran juguetes para \u00e9l. No ten\u00edan nada que ver conmigo, todo giraba en torno a \u00e9l y a sus necesidades.<\/a><\/p>\n

Pero, que Dios me perdone, a\u00fan le quiero.<\/p>\n

Sigo amando al hombre que me hizo sentir la mujer m\u00e1s afortunada del mundo.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Sigo queriendo al hombre que me tra\u00eda caf\u00e9 a la cama y rosas todos los domingos. Sigo amando al hombre que me cantaba nanas cada vez que estaba enferma. Sigo amando al hombre que me besaba para quitarme las l\u00e1grimas de la cara, el hombre que besaba cada cent\u00edmetro de mi cuerpo, haci\u00e9ndome sentir como si fuera una diosa a la que adoraba.<\/p>\n

Sigo amando al hombre que una vez conoc\u00ed, y a\u00fan puedo ver pedazos de ese hombre en el que dej\u00e9.<\/strong> I can still see traces of love that used to be in his eyes and the curves of his smile on his face. I can still feel the warmth of his body against mine. I can still see the man I once loved, but I don\u2019t think he can do the same.<\/p>\n

I guess in the end, it\u2019s not God whom I should ask forgiveness from. It\u2019s the woman I used to be.<\/p>\n

\"DIOS<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I don\u2019t think I could ever have imagined myself being in a mess such as this. I don\u2019t think I ever imagined myself to be capable of loving someone who broke me, someone who managed to destroy everything I worked so hard for. But I do. You see, I can\u2019t shake this feeling that I…<\/p>","protected":false},"author":21,"featured_media":11238,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29632],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-11223","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-abuse-and-trauma"],"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":29632,"label":"abuse & trauma"}]},"featured_image_src_large":["https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/01\/adam-le-sommer-499193.jpg",800,533,false],"author_info":{"display_name":"Maria Parker","author_link":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/author\/maria\/"},"comment_info":0,"category_info":[{"term_id":29632,"name":"abuse & trauma","slug":"abuse-and-trauma","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":29632,"taxonomy":"category","description":"Learn the signs of emotional and physical abuse and how to protect yourself from toxic patterns in relationships with your partner, friends or family.","parent":22911,"count":138,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":29632,"category_count":138,"category_description":"Learn the signs of emotional and physical abuse and how to protect yourself from toxic patterns in relationships with your partner, friends or family.","cat_name":"abuse & trauma","category_nicename":"abuse-and-trauma","category_parent":22911}],"tag_info":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11223","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/21"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11223"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11223\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11238"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11223"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11223"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11223"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}