For as long as I can remember, I had the wrong men in my life. Some of them were toxic, some were abusive and some of them were selfish\u2026 Some of them maybe weren\u2019t all that wrong, but they were definitely wrong for me. Let me get one thing straight\u2014 wasn\u2019t picking guys of a particular type (or at least, I thought I wasn\u2019t); some of my boyfriends were players, you would characterize some of them as nice guys and they all looked different. But, all of them had one thing in common\u2014they all treated me badly.<\/p>\n
When I was younger, I thought all of my heartbreaks were due to my bad luck. I didn\u2019t chase any of these guys, they were all actually corriendo detr\u00e1s de m\u00ed<\/a> in the beginning. But as soon as they saw they had me, they changed drastically. Some changed the way they behaved with me, some of them just walked away and some acted perfectly until I found out about their lies and cheating. The point is that I\u2019ve had more than one heartbreak and that I was always the one who ended up being hurt or left behind.<\/p>\n Tard\u00e9 mucho tiempo en darme cuenta de que todos gravitamos hacia el tipo de personas con las que estamos familiarizados. Aunque parezca una locura, los chicos equivocados eran mi zona de confort y, por alguna raz\u00f3n, me aterrorizaba romper mis patrones de citas.<\/p>\n A medida que fui creciendo, empec\u00e9 a darme cuenta de que esto que me estaba pasando era algo m\u00e1s que una simple coincidencia. Era yo la que atra\u00eda a esos chicos y era yo la que los eleg\u00eda, sin ni siquiera ser consciente de ello. Tambi\u00e9n era yo la que permanec\u00eda en esas relaciones t\u00f3xicas y manipuladoras. Todos ve\u00edan en m\u00ed algo que me convert\u00eda en una v\u00edctima adecuada para sus juegos mentales y su manipulaci\u00f3n emocional.<\/p>\n It took me many years of introspection and self-reflection, but now I can say I\u2019ve finally reached some kind of conclusion. I think I can finally say why I was choosing the guys that I was choosing and what it was that finally made me deja de recogerlos<\/a>.<\/p>\n This was hard for me to accept, but the first thing that attracted these guys was my self-esteem\u2014or to be more precise, the lack of it. As far as I can remember, I\u2019ve dealt with my different insecurities. Although I thought these were things people around me didn\u2019t notice, I was obviously wrong. When I was with a handsome guy, I thought I wasn\u2019t pretty enough and when I was with a guy whose main quality was his brain, I thought I wasn\u2019t smart enough.<\/p>\n En cualquier caso, siempre pens\u00e9 que no era lo bastante buena. Y en lugar de centrarme en mis cualidades, opt\u00e9 por centrarme en mis imperfecciones. Pensaba que estaba ocultando mis inseguridades, pero los hombres las percib\u00edan. Sent\u00edan que yo era alguien que ansiaba su aprobaci\u00f3n y su atenci\u00f3n. As\u00ed que al principio me la daban, s\u00f3lo para conquistarme.<\/p>\n Most of the men I\u2019ve dated were actually too good to be true in the beginning. They knew exactly what I needed to hear and they used it. And that was their strategy\u2014once they made me feel wanted and loved, they knew they had me completely and their job was done. After that, I kept doing whatever they wanted just to have their attention and love back.<\/p>\n I was always craving the amount of attention these guys were giving me in the beginning and they saw I became addicted to their approval. Therefore, they could treat me the way they wanted. And most of them did. It was always easy for a guy to convince me I wasn\u2019t worthy and that I should be lucky to have him, no matter how he treated me.<\/p>\n So, if I wanted to break my dating patterns, the first thing I had to work on was my self-esteem. I needed to learn how to love and appreciate myself, before expecting respect from my partner. I can\u2019t say that I\u2019ve accomplished that goal just yet, but I am slowly working on it. I am taking baby steps, but I am teaching myself that it is OK for me not to be perfect and that my flaws are a part of who I am. Once you learn to acepta tus imperfecciones<\/a>Los dem\u00e1s te seguir\u00e1n. Y cuando aprendas a quererte y apreciarte, tu pareja har\u00e1 lo mismo.<\/p>\n The next thing that brought all the wrong guys to me was my fear of solitude. We live in a society in which a single woman is always looked down upon. I was so terrified of being alone, because I thought I could never be a complete individual without a man by my side. So, I kept settling for guys who didn\u2019t deserve me, just so I could have someone next to me.<\/p>\n Incluso cuando estaba en una relaci\u00f3n, viv\u00eda con el miedo constante de que el chico me dejara, as\u00ed que hac\u00eda todo lo que pod\u00eda para evitarlo. Pensaba que los mantendr\u00eda a mi lado si hac\u00eda todo lo que ellos quer\u00edan y si me convert\u00eda en la persona que ellos quer\u00edan que fuera. Por supuesto, los hombres percibieron mi desesperaci\u00f3n y la utilizaron de todas las formas posibles. Mi miedo a la soledad tambi\u00e9n estaba relacionado con mis inseguridades; no es que lo pasara tan mal sola, m\u00e1s bien ten\u00eda miedo de que la gente me juzgara, de pensar que nadie me quer\u00eda lo suficiente como para tener una relaci\u00f3n conmigo. S\u00f3lo cuando me di cuenta de que estar sola y sentirse solo no es lo mismo aprend\u00ed a abrazar la vida de soltero<\/a>.<\/p>\n With time, I\u2019ve slowly learned to appreciate \u2018me-time\u2019. It was hard in the beginning, but I gave myself time to get to know myself better and to start enjoying things that make only me happy, without having to compromise with my partner. And once I saw that single life is not all that terrifying and that it is something you should enjoy, my dating life also changed. I wasn\u2019t desperate to get into a relationship anymore and that caused me to be more relaxed and indifferent toward guys, which saved me a lot of emotional pain and many heartbreaks. Also, I wasn\u2019t falling into despair if things didn\u2019t work out with a certain guy\u2014I knew I always had a life I could go back to, with or without him in it.<\/p>\n Cuando dej\u00e9 de intentar cambiar a los chicos que me rodeaban y empec\u00e9 a trabajar en mis problemas internos, romp\u00ed mis antiguos patrones de citas. Fue entonces cuando me di cuenta de lo que necesito y quiero de la vida. Y me dio la capacidad de reconocer a los chicos equivocados desde el momento en que los veo.<\/p>\n