Acababa de divorciarme y me estaba subiendo a la monta\u00f1a rusa emocional que eso conlleva. Por fin hab\u00eda encontrado la paz y empezaba a ser feliz de nuevo.<\/p>\r\n
I was finding myself and loving myself and felt a sense of comfort that only God can provide. I wasn\u2019t looking for anyone new because I had finally accepted the fact I was alone and was actually okay with it.<\/p>\r\n
Then he came along\u2026 and my world flipped upside down.<\/p>\r\n
There is so much to say, it\u2019s going to be hard for me to stay on track but I am going to start from the beginning when it was amazing because, without that part, you won\u2019t understand why it ended the way it did – you won\u2019t understand what a narcissist is unless you know it all.<\/p>\r\n
Like I said, I wasn\u2019t looking for anyone. He found me\u2026 he CHOSE me.<\/p>\r\n
I got a message one day, asking when I would let him take me out on a date and show me how I\u2019m supposed to be treated.<\/p>\r\n
He would have me, \u201cThrowing rocks at all the other guys.\u201d Well, that sounded real smooth but at that point, I was still not ready, so I turned him down.<\/p>\r\n
A month later, I got another message; this time he wasn\u2019t asking me out, just making small talk. He needed a favor and being the helpful person I am, I agreed, not knowing I was opening myself up to one of the biggest lessons I would learn in my life.<\/p>\r\n
After a month of talking and him making himself out to be a really great guy, we decided to go out one night. It was game over from there\u2026 I was hooked.<\/p>\r\n
Me hizo sentir que pod\u00eda hablar con \u00e9l de cualquier cosa. Hab\u00eda pasado por cosas parecidas a las m\u00edas: un mal divorcio, un matrimonio t\u00f3xico y la p\u00e9rdida de uno de sus padres.<\/p>\r\n
He made me feel safe, something I hadn\u2019t felt in so long. He was like walking into a house and feeling at home. It would take me almost two years to realize that place that felt like home was en realidad una prisi\u00f3n<\/a>.<\/p>\r\n My friends tried to tell me I was stupid for letting my guard down as fast as I did but it just felt right\u2026 he felt right.<\/p>\r\n It was nice to laugh with someone instead of fighting with them and that\u2019s what we did.<\/p>\r\n Nos re\u00edamos todo el tiempo. Nos gustaba la misma m\u00fasica y los mismos programas de televisi\u00f3n, compart\u00edamos intereses similares en tantas cosas que nunca se nos acababan los temas de conversaci\u00f3n. Pod\u00edamos pasarnos horas hablando.<\/p>\r\n Era misterioso en cierto modo y callado, pero me daba cuenta de que hab\u00eda muchas cosas en su cabeza y yo estaba decidida a saberlo todo.<\/p>\r\n I tried to learn about him without him knowing\u2026 I wanted to know why he was the way he was, his quirks, what made him tick, I wanted to know about every scar, every tattoo, every story he would give me bits and pieces of.<\/p>\r\n I kept telling myself not to fall so fast because I know how I love\u2026 I love hard so when I fall, it\u2019s swan-diving into it without any second thought but he made it so easy to fall.<\/p>\r\n Me hizo tan f\u00e1cil derribar ese muro que hab\u00eda pasado meses reparando y reconstruyendo. El muro que me jur\u00e9 a m\u00ed misma que iba a hacer trabajar a alguien.<\/p>\r\n I tried to play hard to get, I really did. But he flipped the script on me so fast. Before I knew it, I was the one trying to break his walls down and prove to him I wasn\u2019t, \u201clike the rest of them.\u201d<\/p>\r\n Al principio vi banderas rojas, pero pens\u00e9 que s\u00f3lo era inseguridad m\u00eda y que estaba proyectando mi pasado en la relaci\u00f3n actual. Me dec\u00eda a m\u00ed misma que le estaba dando demasiadas vueltas a las cosas y que se merec\u00eda una oportunidad.<\/p>\r\n Even though my gut was telling me something wasn\u2019t right, my heart was telling me yes it was. So I fought harder for him than I ever did for anyone in my life, even the 5-year marriage I had just gotten out of.<\/p>\r\n Estaba decidida a hacer que esto funcionara porque lo amaba con cada fibra de mi ser, quer\u00eda arreglar lo que estuviera roto en \u00e9l por su pasado, y quer\u00eda no cometer los mismos errores que comet\u00ed en mis relaciones anteriores.<\/p>\r\n Hice todo por \u00e9l y m\u00e1s.<\/p>\r\n No hay una sola parte de m\u00ed que piense que podr\u00eda haberlo hecho mejor, esforzarme un poco m\u00e1s o quererle m\u00e1s de lo que lo hice, porque s\u00e9 sin sombra de duda que lo di 110%, si no m\u00e1s.<\/strong><\/p>\r\n Pas\u00f3 aproximadamente un a\u00f1o antes de que empezara a mostrarse su verdadero yo.<\/p>\r\n El chico que me hac\u00eda sentir segura, que nunca me levantaba la voz y que nunca se peleaba conmigo estaba empezando a mostrarme una faceta suya oscura y poco favorecedora. Sin embargo, yo le quer\u00eda, as\u00ed que estaba dispuesta a pasarlo por alto.<\/p>\r\n Acababa de salir de una relaci\u00f3n en la que nos pele\u00e1bamos a gritos todos los d\u00edas y nos habl\u00e1bamos con desprecio, as\u00ed que me negu\u00e9 a volver a hacerlo.<\/p>\r\n Cuando \u00e9l quer\u00eda buscar pelea, yo me alejaba sin importarme cu\u00e1ntos sarcasmos y pasivo-agresivo<\/a> comentarios que quer\u00eda decir, a pesar de que hab\u00eda aprendido lo que empuj\u00f3 sus botones.<\/p>\r\n Le dije que no iba a hacerle el trabajo sucio, que no iba a ceder a que me buscara pelea y luego me sacara de quicio para luego volcarse contra m\u00ed. Ya hab\u00eda pasado por eso y me negaba a volver a hacerlo.<\/p>\r\n Instead of fighting with him, I would just apologize for things that I didn\u2019t do.<\/p>\r\n Intentaba mejorar las cosas, pero me las guardaba y eso me estaba matando, porque nunca he sido de las que se muerden la lengua o se alejan de una pelea.<\/p>\r\n One of the things I liked about him was that he didn\u2019t like to go out and party and I was totally fine with that but it became a bit much when we couldn\u2019t even go out to eat at restaurants or go to places we were invited with family or friends.<\/p>\r\n Nos convertimos en ermita\u00f1os y yo le excusaba siempre. Pronto me di cuenta de que era para aislarme a m\u00ed, no a \u00e9l.<\/p>\r\n Me perd\u00ed tantas cosas porque me sent\u00eda mal por ir sin \u00e9l. Estaba a su entera disposici\u00f3n y me ten\u00eda completamente a su alcance.<\/strong><\/p>\r\n Siempre he sido una persona fuerte, muy intuitiva y que se da cuenta de las cosas con bastante facilidad. Entonces, \u00bfc\u00f3mo permit\u00ed que esto siguiera as\u00ed durante tanto tiempo antes de empezar a atar cabos?<\/p>\r\n I fucking loved him, that\u2019s why.<\/p>\r\n Narcissists use empathetic people as fuel. They choose their prey wisely. I wasn\u2019t special to him, I was merely a target.<\/p>\r\n Cuando empec\u00e9 a traer su de la oscuridad a la luz<\/a> y mostrarle que me estaba dando cuenta de lo que era y de lo que pasaba, s\u00f3lo empeor\u00f3 las cosas y finalmente ser\u00eda la verdadera raz\u00f3n por la que se fue.<\/p>\r\n Todos los d\u00edas me sent\u00eda agotada porque me drenaba la vida.<\/p>\r\n All of my time and energy was spent on trying to please him, not provoke him, tiptoe on eggshells so I wouldn\u2019t hurt his fragile little ego.<\/strong><\/p>\r\n I had never met a man who was so sensitive when it came to someone joking with him. It seemed like anything I said or did was offensive and eventually, I just didn\u2019t want to talk at all.<\/p>\r\n No soy una persona est\u00fapida, pero dej\u00e9 que esto durara mucho m\u00e1s de lo que deber\u00eda.<\/p>\r\n Una vez que empec\u00e9 a darme cuenta de a lo que me enfrentaba, que me condenaran si dejaba que continuara. Me pas\u00e9 d\u00edas leyendo sobre su comportamiento y las pautas que cada vez eran m\u00e1s frecuentes.<\/p>\r\n It didn\u2019t take me long after that to realize Estaba enamorada de un narcisista<\/a>.<\/p>\r\n It\u2019s definitely true when they say hindsight is 20\/20 because all of the signs I had ignored in the beginning and all of the things I thought were great about him came crashing into my mind like a burst dam.<\/p>\r\n I realized that this man could never love ANYONE, much less me! All of the things he did in the beginning, the person I had fallen in love with\u2026 that was ME!<\/p>\r\n Hab\u00eda reflejado mis emociones, mi personalidad, mis rasgos, y los hab\u00eda utilizado para enamorarme de \u00e9l. I wasn\u2019t in love with him\u2026 I was in love with myself.<\/strong><\/p>\r\n Cuando decidi\u00f3 dejarme, hubo un momento en que se me rompi\u00f3 el coraz\u00f3n.<\/p>\r\n Then it was like I\u2019d had an epiphany. I could either let this make me or break me and come hell or high water I was NOT going to let this man take any more from me than he already had.<\/p>\r\n Le di la vuelta y us\u00e9 esto como combustible. \u00c9l no me convertir\u00eda en esta mujer amargada. Yo era mejor que eso. SOY mejor que eso.<\/p>\r\n Tuvo que irse para que me diera cuenta de que me enamor\u00e9 de m\u00ed misma hace mucho tiempo.<\/p>\r\n He tried to break me but he didn\u2019t. He left me but I found me.<\/p>\r\n Tom\u00e9 el fuego que hab\u00eda en m\u00ed para luchar por \u00e9l y empec\u00e9 a luchar por m\u00ed misma.<\/p>\r\n The day I watched him pull out of the driveway, I didn\u2019t even shed a tear. It was almost like a weight had been lifted.<\/p>\r\n I\u2019m not going to lie and say that I didn\u2019t have my moments or that there weren\u2019t times I thought I missed him. We had several good memories together so of course, I missed those but I couldn\u2019t allow myself to stay in that feeling because even though those moments were real, los recuerdos sucedieron<\/a>\u2026 the person he pretended to be during those times was not.<\/p>\r\n Tuve que darme cuenta de que hab\u00eda dormido al lado de un hombre, durante casi dos a\u00f1os, al que nunca le import\u00e9 un bledo y nunca le molest\u00f3 que llorara, nunca le molest\u00f3 que me hiciera da\u00f1o. Nunca me quiso<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\r\n We all want closure after a break-up, but sometimes you just don\u2019t get the closure you want or think you need.<\/p>\r\n A veces, el cierre consiste simplemente en seguir adelante y superarse.<\/p>\r\n A veces no hay explicaciones ni razones.<\/p>\r\n Sometimes you just end up with a shitty person, a heartless man, someone who is incapable of feeling love or remorse. So as much as we want to believe that these types of people will realize what they had and lost one day, it\u2019s bullshit.<\/p>\r\n They will not miss us, they will not think about us and they will never regret doing what they did to us because they don\u2019t feel love like we feel love. They had every intention of leaving from the moment they picked us.<\/p>\r\n No se equivoquen, no nos eligieron porque seamos d\u00e9biles; nos eligieron porque somos mujeres fuertes que se encontraron en un momento vulnerable.<\/p>\r\n Narcissists have very fragile egos, they need someone with a strong mind, strong personality, someone who\u2019s likable, emotional, empathetic, and driven so they can feed off of us like a parasite needs a host.<\/p>\r\n What I\u2019ve come to realize after loving this kind of human is that I am stronger than I give myself credit for and I will never let another person make me think otherwise.<\/p>\r\n Lo que cre\u00eda que era el mayor amor de mi vida ha resultado ser, en cambio, una de las lecciones m\u00e1s valiosas de ella. Ahora s\u00e9 de lo que soy capaz emocionalmente y me niego a permitir que nadie me quite la paz NUNCA M\u00c1S.<\/p>\r\n![\"Mujer](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/christopher-windus-92825-unsplash.jpg\")
<\/p>\r\n![\"Hombre](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/umit-bulut-143016-unsplash.jpg\")
<\/p>\r\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/02\/herway.net-18.jpg\")
<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"