{"id":166737,"date":"2024-07-02T10:16:21","date_gmt":"2024-07-02T10:16:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/herway.net\/?p=166737"},"modified":"2024-09-14T15:59:03","modified_gmt":"2024-09-14T15:59:03","slug":"la-mujer-explica-la-persistente-paradoja","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/la-mujer-explica-la-persistente-paradoja\/","title":{"rendered":"Una mujer explica en TikTok la paradoja de Nag y lo que afecta a tu relaci\u00f3n de pareja"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sigo quej\u00e1ndome, dici\u00e9ndole lo que tiene que hacer. \u00c9l sigue haci\u00e9ndolo mal, entonces yo me quejo m\u00e1s y seguimos peleando. \u00bfTe suena familiar?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

La mayor\u00eda de mis amigos tienen el mismo problema en sus relaciones, y no ven forma de escapar del bucle persistente. <\/strong>Some of them are \u201cthe complainers\u201d and some of them are the ones receiving complaints.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Mientras pensaba en este gran problema en las relaciones me top\u00e9 con un v\u00eddeo en TikTok. El usuario thatdarnchat<\/a> A.K.A. Laura Danger abri\u00f3 un discussion about \u201cthe nag paradox\u201d <\/strong>y lo define como:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201c\u2026a setup when one person is managing and delegating and decision making and standard setting\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Al mismo tiempo, la otra persona tiene un papel secundario <\/strong>y esperan que se les diga lo que tienen que hacer, se les dirija y se les maneje en la casa. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Laura says this is very common, she even admits there\u2019s the same setup in her relationship: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cTell me what to do. How can I support you? Just let me know how I can show up for you.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Then she explains why it\u2019s a trap. When one person is in charge of everything and is forced to ask for help, then it becomes:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Una apuesta por la conexi\u00f3n<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

She refers to Dr John Gottman\u2019s bid theory as one of the key concepts of El m\u00e9todo Gottman<\/a> y explica que es una oferta cuando:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201c… basically anytime you invite somebody to join you.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Puede ser una invitaci\u00f3n a cenar <\/strong>o <\/strong>puede ser una sugerencia para limpiar juntos la casa o incluso mostrar inter\u00e9s por c\u00f3mo le ha ido el d\u00eda en el trabajo.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

La gente puede <\/strong>\u201cturn toward<\/em><\/strong>\u201d, join the invitation, talk and be interested, or reject it<\/strong>, or even miss \u201cthe call\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Any attempt to engage with your partner, verbal or non-verbal is considered a \u201cbid\u201d. You can ask questions, talk about something, or touch them. The way you and your partner respond to these las ofertas pueden cambiar las reglas del juego en las relaciones.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If your response is attentive you\u2019ll build trust, emotional connection, and intimacy, and foster deep and meaningful bonds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rechazar y faltar es malo para una relaci\u00f3n. <\/strong>If one partner constantly feels being rejected then they’ll become distant and will stop asking for a connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Luego, hay algo m\u00e1s de lo que habla Gottman. Es el: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Los cuatro jinetes del Apocalipsis (de las relaciones)<\/h2>\n\n\n
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\"mujer
Fuente: TikTok<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n

Ciertos comportamientos pueden predecir el fin de una relaci\u00f3n, pero Laura se centra en dos: La cr\u00edtica y la actitud defensiva son los comportamientos centrales de la paradoja del rega\u00f1o.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

One person is always giving directions and instructions and \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cIf you don\u2019t get it right or if something else needs to be done, they have to give back feedback repeatedly.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

En the second person is \u201con the receiving end of negative feedback\u201d<\/strong> and even when they\u2019re only suggested how to adjust the way they\u2019ve been doing something so they do it better, it makes them feel undervalued as a person. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Empiezan a dudar de s\u00ed mismos y de sus capacidades. <\/strong>Se sienten menoscabados. Esto provoca una actitud defensiva, ya que sienten la necesidad de protegerse.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cThis dynamic is a setup for that.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

After some time a partner who keeps getting negative feedback gets fed up. They decide they don\u2019t wanna expose themself to feeling miserable, feeling like they can\u2019t do anything right and are constantly letting down their partner. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Al mismo tiempo, el compa\u00f1ero rega\u00f1\u00f3n se siente rechazado constantemente.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

As\u00ed que lo correcto en una relaci\u00f3n, tal y como lo explica Laura, es hablarlo y en lugar de asumirlo. Talk about the mental load, and agree on who\u2019ll be in charge of making decisions.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Lo cierto es que muchas parejas tienen peleas peri\u00f3dicas por este motivo y la mayor\u00eda de la gente cree que es normal:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201c… the whole honeydew list, being told what to do, bossed around.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Al mismo tiempo, people who are upset about all this are being called \u201cnags\u201d<\/strong> y esto realmente resta seriedad y todas las implicaciones que este tema puede traer a una relaci\u00f3n.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Adem\u00e1s, la opini\u00f3n general sobre el rega\u00f1o est\u00e1 dando a la gente una idea equivocada de lo que es esencialmente el rega\u00f1o: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cThe idea of nagging is that somebody is needlessly upset about something that doesn’t matter.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

This is far from the truth. Laura emphasizes how household labor MATTERS as it \u201cruns our lives\u201d, building a connection to our partner matters and it\u2019s not nagging. It\u2019s the call for partnership.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat if the bid is something I don\u2019t enjoy?\u201d <\/em><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

M\u00e1s de 1.200 comentarios debajo del v\u00eddeo subrayan la importancia de este tema. Evidentemente, people can recognize their relationship dynamics in Laura\u2019s examples.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

ADHDWitch <\/em>was wondering what if she doesn\u2019t enjoy the bid? She gives an example of her partner\u2019s bid: to drive 45 minutes in one direction with kids to get food. <\/strong>No es muy agradable, \u00bfverdad?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Otro usuario, establo<\/em> shared the problem with her husband is basically \u201cthe nag paradox\u201d:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cMy husband thinks saying \u2018how can I help\u2019 is enough and when I say \u2018you should know what needs to be done.\u2019 He\u2019ll say \u2018make me a list.\u2019\u201d <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Another example perfectly describes what was Laura talking about \u2013 un compa\u00f1ero rega\u00f1a al otro se pone a la defensiva:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cThen what do you do if your the “nag”?? Even pointing out this dynamic is just perceived as nagging and met with defensiveness. I’m so tired\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

A user Sera described the nag paradox with a never-satisfied perfectionist \u2013 no matter how much she does, her partner always wants more:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cI feel like both people in this situation because I’ll be putting in 200% effort. and the 80% person will ask me why I’m not doing 220%.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Para m\u00ed fue una perspectiva reveladora. Cuando pienso en ello, \u00a1todo tiene sentido! Aseg\u00farate de seguir este consejo e intenta construir una relaci\u00f3n basada en la receptividad y la comunicaci\u00f3n abierta, y entonces se generar\u00e1 confianza y v\u00ednculos fuertes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Si quiere profundizar en el v\u00eddeo, est\u00e1 disponible aqu\u00ed:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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@thatdarnchat<\/a>

The Nag Paradox – \u201ctell me what to do!\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t tell me what to do!\u201d<\/p> \u266c original sound – Laura Danger<\/a> <\/section> <\/blockquote>