I once saw something that captured my attention and I didn\u2019t know why. Something that I
\npens\u00e9 que era tan importante en ese momento, algo que me invad\u00eda como si me estuviera pasando a m\u00ed.<\/p>\n
That day, I went to the bus station as I did every single day. But that day I got up a bit earlier and I decided to leave immediately, despite the fact that I was going to be early for the bus. I thought, what the hell, I\u2019ll grab a cup of coffee and I\u2019ll walk around; it was a lovely day anyway.<\/p>\n
So, there I was. I took my coffee to go and I put on my headphones. I grabbed a smoke and I sat on the small wall that was hidden in the bushes. Oh God, it was such a good place to enjoy and hide when you didn\u2019t want anyone to bother you. You know, just in case you meet someone at the bus station when you don\u2019t feel like talking that much.<\/p>\n
Me sent\u00e9 all\u00ed durante media hora. Beb\u00ed caf\u00e9 y de vez en cuando miraba a la gente que pasaba casualmente a mi lado. Me preguntaba qu\u00e9 estar\u00edan haciendo, ad\u00f3nde ir\u00edan. Me interesaban mucho sus vidas. As\u00ed que mientras jugaba un poco al perfil psicol\u00f3gico, cuando sucedi\u00f3 aquella escena que recordar\u00e9 el resto de mi vida. De repente, vi un coche peque\u00f1o y gris que se dirig\u00eda hacia la estaci\u00f3n de autobuses a gran velocidad.<\/p>\n
The driver hit the brakes so hard that the tires left marks on the road. The next thing I saw was a very angry woman rushing out of the car, slamming the door behind her. She opened the trunk, took out two huge bags and threw them on the curb with every ounce of her strength. Then out came a guy from her car. That is a scene I\u2019ll remember for the rest of my life. That is a scene I survived like it was happening to me.<\/p>\n
You see, he got out of the car, looking all poor and broken. He looked like he didn’t have a reason to live. She kicked him out of her life, she kicked him out of her car. And she left. She left without looking back.<\/p>\n
But that moment, seeing him alone and abandoned, captured me. I\u2019m not saying that he didn\u2019t have it coming. Maybe he did but somehow I was on his side. Somehow he got my sympathy.<\/strong><\/p>\n I had no idea why I was rooting for him in that situation. I don\u2019t know why I felt so sorry for him. But something inside me woke up. It\u2019s like I could have understood exactly how he was feeling. I could feel the pain and I felt uncomfortable and asustado<\/a>.<\/p>\n Pero despu\u00e9s de tantos a\u00f1os, algo me ocurri\u00f3. Despu\u00e9s de tantos a\u00f1os, por fin ten\u00eda la respuesta a la pregunta de por qu\u00e9 sent\u00eda tanta empat\u00eda hacia aquel pobre tipo abandonado en la estaci\u00f3n de autobuses.<\/p>\n You see, I lived with an abuser. I lived with a man who used me in every way possible and I couldn\u2019t leave him.<\/strong><\/p>\n I couldn\u2019t break free from the chains he kept me in. I had no one and I had nowhere to go. For so many years, I put up with insults, with screaming and threatening. For so many years, I walked around him on eggshells because if I did something he didn\u2019t like, he would flip out. He would go crazy. I completely adjusted my life so it suited him. Actually, there was no more me in that relationship, it was only him and his wishes.<\/p>\n And the worst of it was that he claimed he loved me. He tried to convince me that I was not quite myself, that Satan had got into me and he had to get him out. He tried to convince me that I was a bad person but that somehow it wasn\u2019t my fault. He tried to make me believe that everything I did was wrong and everything he did, every hurtful word he screamed at me and every insult he gave me, was right.<\/p>\n He would lay a ton of hurtful things on me because \u2018I had it coming\u2019 but he always did it in a way that I believed he was my savior. He ruled over me because he would hurt me and offer me help at the same time.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n I was scared for my life sometimes. He would go crazy and throw things around the house. He would break things because I\u2019d said something that he didn\u2019t want to hear.<\/p>\n Poco a poco me cans\u00e9 de elegir cuidadosamente mis palabras y de renunciar a mis sue\u00f1os porque \u00e9l ten\u00eda un problema con algo, porque estaba celoso o por cualquier otra raz\u00f3n que se te pueda ocurrir. Poco a poco empec\u00e9 a demostrarle que quer\u00eda recuperar mi vida y os pod\u00e9is imaginar su reacci\u00f3n cuando se dio cuenta de su peque\u00f1o preso<\/a>su marioneta, se le escapaba de las manos.<\/p>\n And now we get to the part that is carved deep in my mind. It was a day like any other. We were at peace that day because I hadn\u2019t given him a reason to flip out. Of course, that wasn\u2019t a guarantee that he wouldn\u2019t. I came home from work and there he was, sitting on the couch, doing absolutely nothing, like always.<\/p>\n Como estaba tan aburrido de su vida, cogi\u00f3 la m\u00eda para jugar con ella. Decidi\u00f3 manipularme y acosarme porque no ten\u00eda nada mejor que hacer. Lo vi en sus ojos en cuanto entr\u00e9 en casa. Vi la ira reprimida que se escond\u00eda detr\u00e1s de un rostro indiferente. I knew that this day wouldn\u2019t end well for me and I was right.<\/strong><\/p>\n I tried to avoid him and talk to him as little as possible. I knew if I made one wrong move, all hell would break loose. So I was so careful, I was invisible in my own house. But that wasn\u2019t enough, it never was.<\/p>\n When an abuser wants to create you a problem, when he wants to stress you out, he will do it. Even if you don\u2019t give him any reason to do so, he will create a reason, from scratch. From nothing.<\/strong><\/p>\n It all began with just one question. I knew where he was going with that. His jealousy was so sickening, it consumed his mind every time. I know he had no idea what he was saying and what he was dong. Actually, I comfort myself with that thought. I simply can\u2019t accept the fact that someone who is supposed to love you and someone you love back could do something like that to you intentionally.<\/p>\n Entonces empezaron los gritos. Gritos. Maldiciones. Insultos. Todo el repertorio. Me qued\u00e9 all\u00ed de pie sin l\u00e1grimas que llorar. Las hab\u00eda llorado hace mucho tiempo. Me qued\u00e9 all\u00ed y escuch\u00e9 todas las palabras desagradables que se te puedan ocurrir. Le ped\u00ed a Dios que todo terminara lo antes posible.<\/p>\n Pero no ten\u00eda fin. Incluso cuando me callaba, me obligaba a hablar. Amenaz\u00f3 con romper mis cosas, amenaz\u00f3 con golpearme y matarme. As\u00ed que tuve que formar parte de su peque\u00f1o espect\u00e1culo. Ten\u00eda que responder a sus preguntas d\u00e1ndole las respuestas que \u00e9l quer\u00eda o\u00edr. Tuve que convertirme en otra persona hasta que todo termin\u00f3.<\/strong><\/p>\n He always threatened to kick me out of our apartment. He always threw my things around the house but he never actually kicked me out. I honestly never thought he had the balls to do it. Until today. I was standing in the hallway, hopelessly looking at him packing my stuff. I couldn\u2019t get anywhere near the room. I couldn\u2019t talk to him. I even found myself begging him to let me stay.<\/p>\n