{"id":22030,"date":"2020-08-20T08:06:25","date_gmt":"2020-08-20T08:06:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/herway.net\/?p=22030"},"modified":"2021-08-11T11:26:51","modified_gmt":"2021-08-11T11:26:51","slug":"una-carta-abierta-a-mi-madre-que-prefirio-las-drogas-a-mi","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/una-carta-abierta-a-mi-madre-que-prefirio-las-drogas-a-mi\/","title":{"rendered":"Carta abierta a mi madre, que prefiri\u00f3 las drogas a m\u00ed"},"content":{"rendered":"

Hola, mam\u00e1,<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Hace tiempo que no hablamos, \u00bfverdad?<\/p>\n

S\u00e9 que me echas de menos, y s\u00e9 que querr\u00edas que estuviera contigo. Pero tienes que entender que cuando m\u00e1s quer\u00eda estar contigo, me apartaste.<\/p>\n

Ver\u00e1s, nunca me quisiste lo suficiente. Nunca me cuidaste como deber\u00edan hacerlo todas las madres.<\/p>\n

All that was important for you was your next fix, even if that meant that I would stay hungry that day. Because you needed it to stay alive\u2014like you used to say.<\/p>\n

Madre, siempre elegiste las drogas antes que a m\u00ed. Destruiste todas mis posibilidades de ser feliz y de tener una infancia agradable. Todo lo que tengo de mi vida contigo son traumas.<\/p>\n

Traumas because whenever you didn\u2019t want to fight for your life, I did that for you. I still remember the night when you overdosed.<\/p>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

Recuerdo sujetarte la cabeza en mi regazo y gritarte en la cara para que te despertaras, mientras t\u00fa abr\u00edas los ojos solo un segundo, sin saber siquiera qui\u00e9n era yo.<\/p>\n

I still remember myself panicking and being totally freaked out. Because I wanted to help you so much, but I didn\u2019t know how.<\/p>\n

Mam\u00e1, entonces yo s\u00f3lo ten\u00eda 7 a\u00f1os. <\/strong><\/em>
\nMam\u00e1, \u00bfc\u00f3mo pudiste hacerme eso?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Weren\u2019t you thinking what kind of effects you would have on me? Is it possible that you weren\u2019t afraid that you would leave me on my own?<\/p>\n

Is it possible that you weren\u2019t thinking about me and my future? Is it possible that you didn\u2019t love me, mom?<\/p>\n

A\u00fan tengo recuerdos de aquel suceso y sigo culp\u00e1ndome de tu adicci\u00f3n. Siempre intent\u00e9 ser el mejor hijo que un padre desear\u00eda para hacerte feliz. Quer\u00eda que estuvieras orgulloso de m\u00ed.<\/p>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

Por otro lado, nunca me diste la oportunidad de sentirme orgullosa de ti. Siempre me avergonc\u00e9 de que fueras mi madre porque hiciste de mi vida un infierno.<\/p>\n

You were never there for me when I needed you the most. You weren\u2019t there when I got my first bad grade to tell me that things like that are normal and that I shouldn\u2019t be worried.<\/p>\n

You weren\u2019t there for me when nobody could understand me and when I was depressed. You weren\u2019t with me to tell me that I will be okay if I just believe in myself.<\/p>\n

You were never there when I needed you and that is what hurts me the most. The only person I should have relied on wasn\u2019t there for me.<\/p>\n

The one who carried me under her heart for 9 months simply chose drugs over me. That\u2019s how little I meant to you. That\u2019s how little you loved me. And I will always be hungry for your love.<\/p>\n

Grabaste cicatrices en mi coraz\u00f3n cuando era ni\u00f1a, y nunca sanar\u00e1n.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

Las heridas a\u00fan sangran cuando te veo vagar por las calles, mendigando algo de dinero para comprar m\u00e1s droga. A\u00fan tengo pesadillas de aquella noche en que tuviste una sobredosis y cuando intent\u00e9 salvarte.<\/p>\n

Sue\u00f1o que yaces en mi regazo, que te ruego que despiertes, pero en un momento abres los ojos y los cierras para siempre. En ese momento, siento que te pierdo, y entonces me despierto.<\/p>\n

I wake up all sweaty and with turbulence in my head. I don\u2019t know where I am and if you are still alive. Then I pick up the phone to call you, but when I try, you are unavailable.<\/p>\n

As\u00ed que me siento en mi habitaci\u00f3n hasta el amanecer y me quedo con la mirada perdida, pensando si las cosas podr\u00edan haber sido mejor. Pienso en las cosas que hice para ayudarte y me pregunto si hice todo lo que estaba en mi mano para salvarte de la adicci\u00f3n.<\/p>\n

But then I realize that you can\u2019t save someone who doesn\u2019t want to be saved. I could never save you from yourself because you would always choose drugs over yourself and over me as well.<\/p>\n

Then I start crying because even if it won\u2019t change anything, it will make me feel better. At least I will let go of the pain.<\/p>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

Porque si se queda en m\u00ed, te juro que voy a explotar.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

If I don\u2019t let this anger out, Me desmoronar\u00e9<\/a>y s\u00f3lo quedar\u00e1 la c\u00e1scara de la mujer que una vez fui. Y esa no es mi intenci\u00f3n.<\/p>\n

Quiero una vida mejor para m\u00ed. Porque ya he tenido suficiente de esta asquerosa vida contigo.<\/p>\n

You showed me what kind of person I should never become. You showed me all those bad things, instead of teaching me about the good ones. You showed me what a mother\u2019s love shouldn\u2019t look like.<\/p>\n

With you, I felt like I was lost, and I didn\u2019t know which the right path was.<\/p>\n

Contigo, me perd\u00ed completamente intentando ayudarte.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

Y eso es algo que ning\u00fan ni\u00f1o deber\u00eda sentir. Un ni\u00f1o tiene que ser amado, cuidado y apreciado. Un ni\u00f1o es una bendici\u00f3n de Dios, pero t\u00fa nunca me viste como tal.<\/p>\n

Para ti, siempre fui alguien que interfer\u00eda en tu camino y alguien de quien quer\u00edas deshacerte.<\/p>\n

For you, I wasn\u2019t someone you wanted to spend time with, but instead, you neglected me and made me feel like I was not important.<\/p>\n

With you, I felt like I shouldn\u2019t have been born, and unfortunately, I will never forgive that feeling. No matter how hard I try, I simply can\u2019t tear it out of my heart.<\/p>\n

El hecho de que eligieras las drogas antes que a m\u00ed siempre te doler\u00e1. Siempre te doler\u00e1 que yo no significara nada para ti y que una dosis de droga pudiera hacerte sentir como yo nunca pude.<\/p>\n

Mientras t\u00fa lo eras todo para m\u00ed, las drogas lo eran todo para ti, y si hubieras podido, probablemente me habr\u00edas vendido por la buena.<\/p>\n

\"ni\u00f1a<\/p>\n

Haci\u00e9ndome todas esas cosas horribles cuando era ni\u00f1o<\/a>...arruinaste nuestra conexi\u00f3n natural, y aunque seas mi madre, nunca podr\u00e9 amarte como un ni\u00f1o ama a su madre.<\/p>\n

I will never be able to call you late at night when I can\u2019t breathe because of the bad memories, so you would calm me down, telling me that everything will pass. I will never be able to rely on you like other kids rely on their parents because you lost yourself a long time ago.<\/p>\n

Te perdiste a ti mismo el d\u00eda que elegiste las drogas en vez de a ti mismo. Y el mismo d\u00eda que me perdiste a m\u00ed tambi\u00e9n.<\/p>\n

So, I just want you to know that even if I am not complete now and even if I have my moments where I totally freak out, I don\u2019t blame you.<\/p>\n

De hecho, lo siento por ti.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

I feel sorry that you will not be able to live the life you were supposed to live. I am sorry that you won\u2019t be happy and that you don\u2019t remember me when I pass you in the street.<\/p>\n

Siento que incluso t\u00fa sigas vivo, te perd\u00ed el d\u00eda que decidiste que yo no era tan importante.<\/p>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

As\u00ed que mam\u00e1, si est\u00e1s leyendo esto, que sepas que te perdono todo.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

I simply don\u2019t want to hold onto grudges, and I don\u2019t want to have this anger inside of me. I decided to forgive you and move on. I decided to live my life in the best possible way.<\/p>\n

He decidido pensar dos veces todo lo que voy a hacer, sobre todo si tiene que ver con mis hijos.<\/p>\n

Y nada como t\u00fa, decid\u00ed ser una madre de verdad. Juro que mis hijos nunca se preguntar\u00e1n si son lo suficientemente dignos o buenos para m\u00ed porque se lo demostrar\u00e9 cada d\u00eda.<\/p>\n

\u00bfY t\u00fa?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

If you ever read this letter, just know that I am okay. Don\u2019t worry about me, and don\u2019t try to find me.<\/p>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t make you change your mind to you would leave drugs when I was a child, but maybe you will listen to my words now.<\/p>\n

Espero que te golpeen tan fuerte que toda tu vida pase por delante de tus ojos.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

I hope you will finally realize that you were wrong all this time and that while I needed you, you weren\u2019t there.<\/p>\n

I hope all those memories will hit you hard just like you like. But this time, you won\u2019t be high and you won\u2019t feel great \u2013 this time, you will realize that you are alone and that you pushed me away. <\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Esta vez, sabr\u00e1s lo que se siente al tocar fondo.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"Carta<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hi Mom, It has been a while since we talked, right? I know that you miss me, and I know that you would want me to be with you. But you need to understand that when I wanted to be with you the most, you pushed me away. You see, you never loved me enough….<\/p>","protected":false},"author":25,"featured_media":103214,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29624],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-22030","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-friends-and-family"],"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":29624,"label":"friends&family"}]},"featured_image_src_large":["https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/An-Open-Letter-To-My-Mother-Who-Chose-Drugs-Over-Me.jpg",800,534,false],"author_info":{"display_name":"Amy Nicholson","author_link":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/author\/amy\/"},"comment_info":0,"category_info":[{"term_id":29624,"name":"friends&family","slug":"friends-and-family","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":29624,"taxonomy":"category","description":"Do you want to improve your relationship with friends and family? Following these tips will help you boost your connection with your favorite people.","parent":29620,"count":317,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":29624,"category_count":317,"category_description":"Do you want to improve your relationship with friends and family? Following these tips will help you boost your connection with your favorite people.","cat_name":"friends&family","category_nicename":"friends-and-family","category_parent":29620}],"tag_info":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22030","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/25"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22030"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22030\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/103214"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22030"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22030"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22030"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}