![\"Querida](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/shutterstock_1339397624-48.jpg\")
<\/p>\r\nQuerida mam\u00e1,<\/p>\r\n
As I sit here writing this letter, I am reminded of how long I have harbored all of the thoughts, feelings, and secrets I am about to reveal in this letter. I can feel the weight of the load I’ve been carrying begin to lessen, with every word I type.<\/p>\r\n
For the past twenty years, I have held onto so much guilt, shame, embarrassment, pain and anger. And as many times as I’ve attempted to write and complete this letter, the truth is, when I could find the words I wanted to write, I was too high\u2026 too fucked up to even make a half-assed crack at it. But NOT today\u2026 NOPE!!<\/p>\r\n
I am sober, clear-headed and ready to talk about all of the \u2018what happens behind closed doors, stays behind closed doors\u2019 secrets that you always insisted were tall tales and fabrications of a troubled child seeking attention.<\/p>\r\n
Please let me start by saying that I FORGIVE YOU and love you\u2026 and that this letter is not to bash you or make you feel that the trouble I have gotten into or the questionable decisions I have made are in any way being blamed on you.<\/p>\r\n
Tambi\u00e9n quiero decir que lo siento por las cosas malas y odiosas que he dicho y hecho a lo largo de los a\u00f1os y aunque mi consumo de drogas me hizo hablar durante muchos a\u00f1os, eso no es en absoluto una excusa para mis acciones.<\/p>\r\n
We have had some great times, haven’t we? Laughed until we cried\u2026 Been there for each other through some pretty rough and trying times\u2026 Held each other through the heartaches and tears\u2026 experienced love, hate, life and death.<\/p>\r\n
<\/p>\r\n
God knows we’ve had some knock-down-drag-out fights and said things we didn’t necessarily mean. Our relationship has been one hell of a roller coaster, to say the least.<\/p>\r\n
Looking back, I never could understand why, when I needed it the most though, you failed to protect me\u2026<\/p>\r\n
\u00bfPor qu\u00e9, a los 7 a\u00f1os, se me llam\u00f3 mentirosa y se me despreci\u00f3 como a una ni\u00f1a que s\u00f3lo buscaba llamar la atenci\u00f3n, cuando mi hermana mayor te advirti\u00f3 de lo que tu entonces novio hab\u00eda intentado hacerle a ella sin \u00e9xito, pero a m\u00ed s\u00ed?<\/p>\r\n
\u00bfPor qu\u00e9 nunca me dijeron que lo que me estaba haciendo era enfermizo, demente e incorrecto?<\/p>\r\n
The truth is, at that age, I had no idea that what he was doing wasn’t supposed to feel good\u2026 or that it would leave a lasting impression on not only the way I viewed men, love and sex\u2026 but also the way I viewed safety, security and, most importantly, the way I viewed myself for a good majority of my life.<\/p>\r\n
And why, why, why wasn’t he the only one who ever had the chance to do something so horrible like that to me?<\/p>\r\n
\u00bfPor qu\u00e9 hab\u00eda otros que ten\u00edan la oportunidad de mirarme con pensamientos e intenciones tortuosos y luego, en un momento u otro, llevar a cabo esos mismos pensamientos y acciones, sin consecuencias?<\/p>\r\n
Why didn’t you protect the daughter you swear to love with all your heart? Was it me? Was it something I said? Something I did? Something I didn’t do?<\/p>\r\n
I was almost 13 when you’re then third husband had his hands all over my ass, getting himself a feel, with the ugliest smile on his face.<\/p>\r\n
I can’t remember if that was before or after I found the underage pornography of young girls who resembled me on our home computer, that we all used.<\/p>\r\n
And all the while, not only was your husband interested in your 13-year-old daughter but so was the 18-year-old youth group leader of our church, who your husband adored and who you swore was, “The nicest and most responsible young man you’d met in far too long.”<\/p>\r\n
Every time he’d pick me up for youth group or other church outings and activities, he’d be sure to make some random stop, in some random hidden away place, to get a piece of your young daughter’s innocence and free spirit.<\/p>\r\n
During this time, I fell sick with an eating disorder, allowed my 4.0 GPA in school to fall significantly to a ridiculous 1.5 GPA, stopped involving myself in my extra-curricular interests\u2026<\/p>\r\n
For God’s sake, I cut my hair into \u2018dyke-spikes\u2019, wore all black clothing, piled on the dark make-up\u2026 hoping and praying that I would be too ugly to mess with any longer\u2026 that I would no longer be the object of their disgusting games.<\/p>\r\n
I guess they never got the memo, \u2018cause it continued. How many times was all of this brought to your attention? How many times did I beg you to let me stay home?<\/p>\r\n
![\"Querida](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/shutterstock_1339397624-49.jpg\")
<\/p>\r\n![\"Querida](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/shutt-7-683x1024.jpg\")
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