It\u2019s not their fault, and I don\u2019t harbor resentment that most people cannot possibly begin to fathom the fear, the terror, the anger, and the sadness that I have been through.<\/em><\/p>\r\n I started writing at the urging of my friends. They told me I had a way of phrasing things; they told me my stories were funny, they told me my story deserved to be told. I thought it certainly couldn\u2019t hurt to share my funny, and sad, stories with others.<\/p>\r\n Recibo mensajes de personas que me dicen que mis escritos les hablan o les han ayudado, o que me dan las gracias por compartir lo que hago. Eso me hace seguir adelante. Eso, y el hecho de que un efecto secundario totalmente inesperado de que comparta mi vida tan personal con los dem\u00e1s es que me curar\u00eda a m\u00ed misma.<\/p>\r\n Pero ahora me doy cuenta de que, al hacerlo, al compartir estas historias tan personales con vosotros, y tambi\u00e9n en mi vida privada, mi divorcio me define.<\/p>\r\n Now, when I say that, I certainly don\u2019t mean that it\u2019s the biggest aspect of my life, because it isn\u2019t. Think about it. What else defines me?<\/p>\r\n Ser madre me define, mi carrera me define, mi blog incluso me define en este momento.<\/strong> It doesn\u2019t mean I am only a mother, or a writer, or even just a divorcee (I\u2019ve always wanted to say that word even once to try it on for size). It is not the end of who I am, but yes, it is very much a part of who I am.<\/p>\r\n Were it not for my marriage I wouldn\u2019t be a mother, maybe not even a writer. I also wouldn\u2019t be a divorcee.<\/em><\/p>\r\n Furthermore, I wouldn\u2019t have endured years of emotional abuse, years that sometimes come back to haunt me. Years that while they tore down who I used to be, also helped build the woman that I am. And is that a bad thing?<\/p>\r\n How can I take something, that was such a big part of my life, that played such a huge role in creating the person I am, and judge myself for it being such a big part of my story? How can I act as if it doesn\u2019t matter, or doesn\u2019t define me?<\/p>\r\n I suppose I could lie to myself, and tell myself that my divorce doesn\u2019t define me, but that wouldn\u2019t be authentic, and I pride myself on being authentic.<\/p>\r\n The fact is that in my day to day life, there are always times when I catch myself slipping in the words, \u201cMy children\u2019s father,\u201d or, \u201cmy X\u201d or, \u201cWhen I was married\u2026\u201d because it took up the space of half of my life, so to pretend it didn\u2019t exist now seems absurd to me.<\/p>\r\n That doesn\u2019t mean I have to live in the past, or carry all that hurt with me, but to say that there aren\u2019t times that those old feelings of insecurity don\u2019t pop up is a bald-faced lie. I am not the person I am sitting here at this laptop if I am not the woman who has been through hell and back.<\/p>\r\n Puedo mantener la cabeza alta. Sigo adelante. Sigo adelante y lo hago con gracia, estilo y una fuerza impresionante, pero sigo siendo la mujer que permiti\u00f3 que un hombre la controlara durante m\u00e1s de dos d\u00e9cadas.<\/p>\r\n I may be in a place where I would never allow that again, but to pretend that part of me doesn\u2019t exist is not only untrue, but it is not fair to who I am today.<\/strong><\/p>\r\n It is not acknowledging that the woman before you today has had her share of trials. It is pretending as if I don\u2019t know what it\u2019s like to love someone who will never love you back, because they can only love themselves.<\/em><\/p>\r\n It is as if I had a disease that ravaged my body for 20 years, and once it\u2019s healed, I never speak of it again. It is most definitely a part of the words you can use to define me. And I am more than okay with that.<\/p>\r\n Tengo que reconocer lo malo, para saber que es bueno. Piensa en ello. Sin nacimiento, no habr\u00eda muerte. Sin amor, no habr\u00eda desamor. Sin el bien, no existir\u00eda el mal.<\/p>\r\n El mundo existe dentro de polaridades. Mi divorcio me define, un aspecto de lo que soy de todos modos.<\/strong> It\u2019s not the final word on who I am. It is not the end of my story, but it is a chapter I would remiss to ignore.<\/p>\r\n So yes, it felt weird to be sharing these things with someone, other than my page. It felt almost \u2018wrong\u2019 at first, to speak these horrible things from my past, to not relive them, but to talk about them as if they were as simple as which melon I chose at the store last night. It created a sense of connecting on a deeper level with someone else.<\/p>\r\n Me hicieron sentir que no estaba tan sola. Me hicieron darme cuenta de que soy una divorciada que estuvo en una relaci\u00f3n abusiva. Me ayudaron a aceptar el hecho de que siempre habr\u00e1 una peque\u00f1a parte de m\u00ed que se preguntar\u00e1 si soy lo suficientemente buena. They remind me there were worse times than what I\u2019m going through now.<\/strong><\/p>\r\n Lately has been a bit tough on me mentally. While I am obviously in a much better place, I have a lot on my mind, and being a single mom, there\u2019s no one to help get everything accomplished. My mind goes pretty much non-stop, and I\u2019ve even had to change my anti-anxiety meds to actually get some sleep.<\/p>\r\n Pero, cuando la se\u00f1ora y yo est\u00e1bamos hablando en el bar, hablamos de c\u00f3mo hubo un tiempo en que habr\u00edamos so\u00f1ado estar exactamente donde estamos ahora. That\u2019s not to say we have accomplished all our goals, or that we are done achieving, but there was a time, not that long ago in the scheme of things, that we feared we would not be where we are now.<\/em><\/p>\r\n Ella, habiendo comprado su propio coche y casa, s\u00f3lo a su nombre, y teniendo una carrera exitosa por derecho propio. Son cosas que algunos dan por sentadas, pero yo s\u00e9 exactamente c\u00f3mo se siente ella.<\/p>\r\n You see, my car is only in my name because his credit was so bad we couldn\u2019t add it. I have gone from someone who, at one point, had $55 to my name, and no idea how to pay my bills, to someone who has made that car payment every month, and it\u2019s not small.<\/p>\r\n Mi \u00fanica deuda son los pr\u00e9stamos estudiantiles y la letra del coche, que espero saldar en menos de un a\u00f1o. Ya no recibo avisos de desconexi\u00f3n, ni temo cada d\u00eda por c\u00f3mo voy a cuidar de mi familia, porque lo estoy haciendo por mi cuenta. Hubo un tiempo, que recuerdo claramente, en que no sab\u00eda c\u00f3mo iba a hacer todo esto y, cuando estaba casada, mi situaci\u00f3n financiera era en realidad mucho peor, con muchos m\u00e1s ingresos.<\/p>\r\n Me estoy preparando para llevar a mis hijos a ver el oc\u00e9ano, algo que mi hijo mayor lleva pidiendo ver desde los cuatro a\u00f1os y que nunca hemos podido permitirnos juntos. Lo estoy haciendo. Le dije que me encanta pagar mis facturas, porque puedo hacerlo.<\/em><\/p>\r\n I suppose most people hate paying bills, and I can understand that too; after all, it greatly diminishes your expendable income. But for someone who used to live in constant fear of money, and anxiety that there was never enough, there\u2019s enough.<\/p>\r\n Aunque todav\u00eda tengo la meta de viajar y comprar mi propia casa, con s\u00f3lo mi nombre en ella, puedo reconocer, y estar orgullosa de la mujer que soy hoy.<\/strong><\/p>\r\n As\u00ed que s\u00ed, mi divorcio me define.<\/em><\/p>\r\n Me ha convertido en una mujer hecha a s\u00ed misma. Me ha hecho m\u00e1s fuerte de lo que nunca so\u00f1\u00e9 que ser\u00eda. Me ha obligado a dedicar tiempo a m\u00ed misma, a conocer esta hermosa alma que albergaba este cuerpo todos estos a\u00f1os. Tampoco me disgusta que me defina. De hecho, estoy muy orgullosa.<\/p>\r\n \u00bfQu\u00e9 le define? \u00bfQu\u00e9 tragedia o dificultad de tu pasado ha contribuido a crear la persona que eres hoy? \u00bfAlgo de tu pasado de lo que una vez quisiste huir y dejar lejos? Ac\u00e9ptalo.<\/p>\r\n Te animo a abrazar esas partes dif\u00edciles de nosotros que nos cuesta tragar, porque constituyen exactamente lo que eres hoy.<\/strong> Y cuando empieces a reflexionar sobre las cosas que te quedan por hacer, recuerda lo lejos que has llegado de la persona que eras.<\/p>\r\n Piensa en lo orgullosa que se sentir\u00eda esa persona al verte hoy. S\u00e9 que la mujer que era hace dos a\u00f1os no solo se sorprender\u00eda de la mujer que soy hoy, sino que se sentir\u00eda orgullosa y completamente inspirada.<\/p>\r\n Con mucho amor, por Adrienne Verdad<\/b><\/p>\r\n![\"Mi](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/shutterstock_1339397624-54.jpg\")
<\/p>\r\n![\"Mi](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/shutterstock_1339397624-55.jpg\")
<\/p>\r\n
Adriana<\/p>\r\n![\"Mi](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/shutt-9-683x1024.jpg\")
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