{"id":98998,"date":"2020-09-21T11:46:28","date_gmt":"2020-09-21T11:46:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/herway.net\/?p=98998"},"modified":"2022-03-24T02:09:50","modified_gmt":"2022-03-24T02:09:50","slug":"los-evitadores-se-arrepienten-de-haber-roto","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/los-evitadores-se-arrepienten-de-haber-roto\/","title":{"rendered":"\u00bfLas personas evasivas se arrepienten de haber roto y por qu\u00e9 lo dejan?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Do avoidants regret breaking up? This seems like a reasonable question to ask when there’s such little information provided from their side. <\/p>\n

Para alguien con un estilo de apego evitativo, las relaciones son m\u00e1s estresantes que para alguien con otro tipo de estilo de apego<\/a>. <\/p>\n

What is the source of these particular feelings? Despite wanting and needing a connection like everyone else, deep down, there’s a fear of losing their freedom.<\/p>\n

Su libertad personal est\u00e1 estrechamente ligada a la toma de decisiones independiente y desea no ser controlado ni depender de otra persona.<\/p>\n

Evasores<\/b> break up because they feel like the other person is doing too much while they can’t do the same thing for them. <\/b><\/p>\n

They start feeling trapped because they’re not good at voicing their needs or expressing their feelings, which leads to confusion and detachment.<\/b><\/p>\n

Ultimately, they regret breaking up because they’re even more likely to break up with the people they’re truly in love with because they are scared of intimacy. <\/b><\/p>\n

Cuando alguien empieza a esforzarse por ellos y por la relaci\u00f3n, se sienten obligados a hacer lo mismo, lo que m\u00e1s tarde les lleva a tener sentimientos de culpa y a sentirse una carga.<\/p>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

Para que una relaci\u00f3n funcione, tiene que haber interdependencia, lo que significa que ambos miembros de la pareja conf\u00edan el uno en el otro y se ayudan mutuamente.<\/p>\n

Avoidants don’t like the idea of being responsible for other people and taking care of their emotional needs and instead insist on everybody doing it on their own.<\/p>\n

That’s not the way a relaci\u00f3n sana<\/a> can progress and that’s why they don’t feel like they’re adequate enough for a relationship in general.<\/p>\n

They even feel like all their emotional needs are too much for other people and don’t see the point in bothering them with their feelings.<\/p>\n

Behind all of these psychological tactics lies the thought that they’re not good enough.<\/p>\n

In their mind, to know they’re not good enough automatically means they don’t deserve the love that has been shown to them.<\/p>\n

Por \u00faltimo, todo comportamiento temeroso es, en esencia, una forma de escapar del dolor y del da\u00f1o. <\/b>Huir del amor significa huir de la posibilidad de ser herido y experimentar dolor.<\/p>\n

El dolor forma parte de la vulnerabilidad, necesaria en todo tipo de relaciones.<\/p>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

Vulnerability is seen as a threat by avoidants and when they start falling for someone or start to feel deeper emotions, it’s not rare to see them trying to ruin that relationship just to prove to themselves that a stable and safe relationship isn’t possible.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, that’s exactly how they hurt the people they love the most.<\/p>\n

Las relaciones sanas necesitan vulnerabilidad para funcionar y esto tambi\u00e9n implica la libertad de actuar como uno mismo. Todo el mundo necesita sentirse c\u00f3modo con sus seres queridos.<\/p>\n

Sin embargo, evasores<\/b> tener un <\/b>mal rato<\/b> letting themself be what they are because of their core belief, which makes them think they’re not enough.<\/b><\/p>\n

That’s also the reason why they suffer from anxiety and depression and often have an impulse to run away.<\/p>\n

Temen mostrar su verdadero yo y ser rechazados, ya que su verdadero yo es, ir\u00f3nicamente, lo que les hace rechazar a otras personas.<\/p>\n

What this does is confirm what they believe deep inside and that’s the belief that relationships are the cause of the pain.<\/p>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

Esta visi\u00f3n de las relaciones proviene de sus relaciones con sus cuidadores, que les ense\u00f1aron a no depender de nadie m\u00e1s que de s\u00ed mismos o\/y a no mostrar sentimientos y signos de debilidad porque ser\u00e1n castigados de alguna manera si lo hacen.<\/p>\n

Eso le llev\u00f3 a asociar las emociones fuertes con el dolor y el miedo al rechazo.<\/p>\n

Al igual que el resto de los seres humanos, buscan conexi\u00f3n y comprensi\u00f3n, pero les cuesta dar apoyo a los dem\u00e1s o satisfacer sus necesidades.<\/p>\n

This kind of behavior leads to over-explaining and justification of one’s actions or the actions of their partner, just to avoid the truth.<\/p>\n

Tras huir y romper con su pareja, se sienten aliviados. Como siguen teniendo el mismo deseo interior de conexi\u00f3n, buscar\u00e1n otra relaci\u00f3n que acabe igual.<\/p>\n

They subconsciously assume beforehand that they will be abandoned once they show their feelings and that’s why they avoid that scenario by abandoning first.<\/p>\n

An avoidant\u2019s behavior is generally disloyal and falls short when it comes to dealing with tough times that require support and care for their partner.<\/p>\n

Por ejemplo, la mayor\u00eda de las personas que dejan a su pareja cuando enferma son evitadoras.<\/p>\n

En cierto modo, este comportamiento est\u00e1 relacionado con la sensaci\u00f3n de tener el control, que es lo primero que les da dejar la relaci\u00f3n.<\/p>\n

\u00bfPor qu\u00e9 se van?<\/b><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Evitar dificultades<\/h2>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

Break-ups between balanced individuals usually happen because one of them was initially less attracted to another or there are some bigger problems they don’t know how to solve.<\/p>\n

Sin embargo, las parejas que se aprecian primero intentan resolver el problema antes de dejarse.<\/p>\n

Por otro lado, parejas evasivas<\/b><\/a> pr\u00e1ctica <\/b>don’t-try-so-you-don’t fail<\/i><\/b> t\u00e1cticas, lo que significa que suelen marcharse incluso antes de que surjan problemas reales.<\/b><\/p>\n

Est\u00e1n m\u00e1s dispuestos a rendirse y a dejar que su necesidad de independencia gobierne sus acciones para luego volver a caer en la misma situaci\u00f3n con otra pareja.<\/p>\n

It’s a self-induced illusion that something else will fix their inner problem, while they’re not able to face the problem themselves.<\/p>\n

It’s easier to leave a difficult situation and fantasize about something new and that’s exactly what they do.<\/b><\/p>\n

Sin embargo, hay que tener en cuenta una cosa cuando observamos su comportamiento. Y es que la cercan\u00eda y la intimidad, los sentimientos profundos y la vulnerabilidad desencadenan ansiedad en los evitadores.<\/p>\n

It’s not surprising that feelings of constant anxiety will become unbearable and exhausting at some point.<\/b><\/p>\n

They need their distance and can interpret a partner’s actions wrongly, feel threatened and distance themself.<\/p>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

Esto, combinado con una ansiedad constante, les hace abandonar la relaci\u00f3n en cuanto surge el m\u00e1s m\u00ednimo problema.<\/p>\n

They are usually well aware that they’re the one who leaves a relationship first and in some less mature cases, they even pride themselves on it and even feel superior because this brings them a sense of value and some kind of dominance.<\/p>\n

El motivo de una ruptura suele ser un intento de la pareja de afrontar la <\/b>evasivo<\/b> con su comportamiento evasivo; por ejemplo, pidiendo explicaciones por sus acciones y comportamiento, pidiendo apoyo, etc. y \u00bfc\u00f3mo rompen los evasivos? De forma brusca y repentina.<\/b><\/p>\n

Una de las situaciones m\u00e1s frecuentes en las que deciden dejar o distanciarse de su pareja es cuando se trata de mostrar compromiso, como definir la relaci\u00f3n, reunirse con los padres, hablar del futuro juntos, un compromiso o una boda, etc.<\/p>\n

This puts them into panic mode and they end up running away from the burden they didn’t even experience. This response is obviously highly illogical and a consequence of irrational fear.<\/p>\n

In a sense, it’s understandable that this kind of person, without self-awareness or an understanding of their problem, will end up \u2018helping\u2019 themselves by avoiding the problem altogether.<\/p>\n

Their approach to dealing with conflict is to pull away, be silent, downplay their or their partner\u2019s emotions and simply avoid conflict.<\/p>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

If there’s no way they can get away with this behavior, which means that their partner insists on resolving the problem, they will simply leave.<\/p>\n

In other words, they do not take responsibility for their behavior without even realizing it. In fact, they’re constantly finding different reasons to justify themselves.<\/p>\n

El tipo de razones que elijan depender\u00e1 de cada persona. Por ejemplo, pueden culpar a otras personas de su vida, como sus padres o sus ex, o incluso a su trabajo, sus creencias, etc.<\/p>\n

It’s obvious why their relationships tend to not last.<\/p>\n

No se dan cuenta de que las cualidades que buscan en otras personas puede que no sean tanto el problema como que otras personas sean incapaces de aceptar sus t\u00e1cticas constantes y su forma de manejar las emociones.<\/b><\/p>\n

It’s possible for avoidants to stay in relationships where they will probably feel unfulfilled and oblivious to the fact that they can change the situation themself.<\/p>\n

Aun as\u00ed, cuando surge una situaci\u00f3n en la que su pareja le pide apoyo y ayuda, es posible que se marchen.<\/p>\n

This is because they subconsciously don\u2019t think they can meet that need and that’s exactly what they want to avoid.<\/p>\n

Se trata del mismo dolor y decepci\u00f3n que sintieron en su infancia y que arrastran inconscientemente hasta la edad adulta y las relaciones adultas.<\/p>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

Specific situations that make them feel like they’re out of control or their emotions trigger their obsession for control, which they express through avoiding responsibility and making themselves feel \u2018safe\u2019.<\/p>\n

The reason behind defensiveness and avoidance is often rooted in a fear of criticism, which usually surrounds suppressed shame or strong emotions they’re unable to express.<\/p>\n

Prefieren huir a quedarse para tratar este problema que necesita una seria introspecci\u00f3n.<\/p>\n

Esto es lo que mantiene intacto el c\u00edrculo vicioso; enfrentarse al problema y luego huir de \u00e9l y as\u00ed sucesivamente.<\/p>\n

Un caso menos frecuente, en el que los evitadores son los que quedan primero en una relaci\u00f3n, es cuando su pareja no tiene m\u00e1s remedio que abandonar debido a su comportamiento.<\/p>\n

Algunas de ellas tienen una imagen muy mala de s\u00ed mismas, que no dejan de mostrar a su pareja, que en un momento dado empieza a cre\u00e9rsela y acaba dej\u00e1ndolas.<\/p>\n

When this happens, it’s just another way for an avoidant to confirm their theories about themselves as insufficient and incapable of a healthy relationship.<\/p>\n

They also aren\u2019t the type for long-distance relationships and staying in touch through social media since they usually don\u2019t give their partner enough attention in real life, let alone through online communication.<\/p>\n

Cada uno de nosotros ha crecido dentro de unas normas sociales aceptadas y alg\u00fan tipo de c\u00f3digo moral.<\/p>\n

Once our own behavior doesn’t match the learned moral code, we start to doubt ourself and start to feel disappointed in ourself. That’s what happens to an avoidant too, after a failed relationship.<\/p>\n

The truth is, people with this style have very little compassion toward themselves and the only way they can resolve their unfulfilling relationship is by deciding that the person they’re involved with is simply \u2018not right for them\u2019.<\/b><\/p>\n

Una complicada conexi\u00f3n con los sentimientos<\/h2>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

Las personas que encajan en este perfil tienen una falta de conexi\u00f3n con los recuerdos, lo que conduce a la inconsistencia de los sentimientos. <\/b><\/p>\n

This phenomenon is hard to understand for people who don’t have similar problems and that\u2019s why they probably ask questions like: Do <\/b>evasores<\/b> \u00bfTe arrepientes de haber roto?<\/b><\/p>\n

Since they’re not conscious of their prior feelings, they are able to switch between desiring and rejecting randomly.<\/p>\n

That’s why when they’re triggered, they tend to and can end a relationship very fast and abrupt because they have no access to their prior memories to understand their own state and behavior. <\/p>\n

Desgraciadamente, a menudo rompen sin ninguna explicaci\u00f3n razonable para la otra persona, lo que puede resultar extremadamente dif\u00edcil.<\/p>\n

That’s exactly what makes them appear cruel or emotionless in the eyes of other people.<\/p>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

Since their distancing isn’t completely or at all rational but simply unconscious triggers, they don’t know how to explain their feelings and behavior to their partner or themselves.<\/p>\n

Naturalmente, despu\u00e9s de que esto ocurra, la pareja se enfada y se molesta, lo que a los ojos del evitador s\u00f3lo confirma que su pareja es emocionalmente demasiado para \u00e9l y lo aleja a\u00fan m\u00e1s.<\/p>\n

Inconscientemente, ponen a su pareja en una situaci\u00f3n en la que reacciona de forma exagerada por razones obvias, s\u00f3lo para rechazarla por la reacci\u00f3n exagerada que ha provocado.<\/p>\n

They not knowingly hurt their partner to push them away and that’s how they feel in control again.<\/p>\n

Este tipo de comportamiento es muy t\u00f3xico y perjudicial tanto para la pareja como para otras personas y las relaciones que tengan en la vida porque probablemente sigan el mismo patr\u00f3n.<\/p>\n

El hecho de que una ruptura brusca se produzca por instinto y no por una decisi\u00f3n consciente de dejar a su pareja significa que a menudo anhelan en secreto que su pareja siga persigui\u00e9ndoles y no se rinda, pero esto tambi\u00e9n les resulta muy dif\u00edcil de expresar.<\/p>\n

El punto de engullimiento y por qu\u00e9 se produce<\/h2>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

Como era de esperar, las personas que evitan las cosas no caen bien por su forma de abordar las relaciones y, sobre todo, las rupturas, por razones obvias.<\/p>\n

However, not all of their ideas are initially wrong. For example, it’s reasonable to expect personal freedom from your partner but, of course, it has to be consensual.<\/p>\n

It’s easy to feel trapped in other people’s needs, expectations, etc. and to keep track of your own.<\/p>\n

It’s easy to become mentally and emotionally drained in a relationship because relationships are hard work, especially when we’re not aware of our own state.<\/p>\n

It’s expected to feel overwhelmed by a relationship and a partner in general if one uses extra strength in expressing things a balanced person has no problem expressing.<\/b><\/p>\n

Esto es v\u00e1lido para expresar y hacer cosas y sentimientos cotidianos y normales.<\/p>\n

This is even more highlighted when a person with this attachment is in a relationship with a person who doesn’t have a similar problem but in fact has no problem expressing their thoughts and feelings and does so frequently.<\/p>\n

It’s not unusual for those who express minimal emotions to end up with the complete opposite type of person who’s very emotionally needy.<\/p>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

Como hemos mencionado antes, las personas evitativas tienden a desconectarse de sus recuerdos, incluidos los recuerdos de las emociones, por lo que les cuesta conectar con los sentimientos tal y como suceden, en el momento en que suceden.<\/p>\n

It’s like they need to process the process of the emotion before actually being sure of it and sometimes that process takes a long time.<\/p>\n

While this process lasts, they have enough time to rationalize and that’s what they do with everything.<\/p>\n

Racionalizan hasta el punto de tener una justificaci\u00f3n para s\u00ed mismos y una raz\u00f3n para posiblemente dejar a su pareja.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, what they don’t realize is their underlying and deep-rooted fear of being abandoned by the person they love.<\/p>\n

They are scared of experiencing loss. They are afraid of being abandoned so much that they’re willing to find flaws in their partner rather than face their irrational fear.<\/p>\n

Another thing that stops them from having a functional relationship is the fact that they don’t see their partner as someone to rely on but always rely on themselves instead.<\/b><\/p>\n

It’s obvious that a long-term relationship can’t be possible without partners relying on each other.<\/b><\/p>\n

\"hombre<\/p>\n

Not only when there’s something to deal with but simply to share their current emotional state, the source of their stress, etc.<\/p>\n

For example, a partner can provide solutions that another person can’t see because they’re not objective enough.<\/p>\n

That’s not their pattern of thought. They taught themselves to first look for solutions and answers on their own instead of asking for another\u2019s opinion or help.<\/p>\n

Pedir ayuda es una de las cosas que m\u00e1s les cuesta hacer porque implica la necesidad de mostrarse vulnerables.<\/p>\n

Adem\u00e1s, su pareja o su relaci\u00f3n a menudo es<\/i> fuente de estr\u00e9s y sentimientos confusos.<\/p>\n

La \u00fanica forma de resolverlo es afrontar el problema y hablar abiertamente de \u00e9l, que es exactamente lo que evitan.<\/p>\n

They don’t know what to do once they feel guilty toward their partner and they don’t see a way they can solve the existing problems. It’s easier for them to completely shut down and walk away.<\/p>\n

This is where and why they’re seen as cowards or simply cruel people but for them, it’s the way they save themselves from potential and pending emotional pain, which is ultimately what all of us do in one way or another.<\/p>\n

\u00bfQu\u00e9 ocurre tras una ruptura?<\/h2>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

A estos tipos les resulta relativamente f\u00e1cil culpar a su pareja del fracaso de su relaci\u00f3n.<\/p>\n

Their head is wired to come up with rational explanations as to why they’re not responsible or guilty for something they clearly are.<\/b><\/p>\n

They rarely go back to their ex-partner after the end of the relationship because, one, they live believing in their own narrative of what happened and two, they don’t feel like dealing with all of the sentimientos complicados tras una ruptura<\/a> aunque en el fondo anhelen reunirse.<\/p>\n

La imagen que tienen de s\u00ed mismos en su mente les pinta como ganadores porque fueron los primeros en poner fin a la relaci\u00f3n y proceder a practicar el no contacto, mientras que su ex pareja es la abandonada.<\/p>\n

Other than that, they choose to believe that their ex-significant other wasn’t what they needed and wasn’t adecuado para ellos <\/i>y no se dan cuenta una vez m\u00e1s del mismo patr\u00f3n que repiten una y otra vez.<\/p>\n

Esta narrativa, entre otras cosas, mantiene su autoestima a buen recaudo y hace que sus antiguos amantes sigan pregunt\u00e1ndose: \u00bfLos evasivos se arrepienten de haber roto? Esto se debe a que carecen de una reacci\u00f3n emocional adecuada.<\/p>\n

Sin embargo, como hemos mencionado antes, dado que estas decisiones impulsivas de ruptura no son tomadas por una mente racional, sino por instintos alimentados por el miedo, al final acaban en un estado mental muy confuso, incapaces de detectar qu\u00e9 les ha llevado a ese estado.<\/p>\n

Of course, not every avoidant relationship is the same. Not every break-up can be blamed on them. There are many possible causes and sometimes another person is as \u2018guilty\u2019 as them.<\/p>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

This is when it’s usually the case of a toxic relationship and when both partners are severely unaware of their behavior and unwilling to work on themselves.<\/p>\n

Moreover, when there is a person who succeeds in getting near the vulnerable part of this type, they usually run away to other people who don’t see through their mask because that’s where they feel safe and protected.<\/p>\n

That’s how they prolong their pain and actually end up hurting because they push away the partner who could’ve actually helped them.<\/p>\n

They always come back to telling themselves they don’t need anybody because that’s the mechanism they learned in order to protect themselves.<\/p>\n

However, because they’re capable of having strong emotions, the same as other humans, once they do have them, they will remember them and have a memory connection they’re usually missing.<\/p>\n

Es probable que esa relaci\u00f3n permanezca en su mente como una relaci\u00f3n cercana porque intuye que algo de esa persona en particular ser\u00eda realmente bueno para su bienestar.<\/p>\n

Unfortunately, a lot of them end up denying the need for any kind of deeper relationship and choose to go about their life alone or with occasional short-lived romances, all the while telling themselves (and others) that they haven\u2019t yet met the right person.<\/p>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

In the end, their biggest problem becomes the inability to accept the help of someone who genuinely wants what’s good for them and that’s what creates immense pain in them and the people who love them.<\/p>\n

Aceptar todos los retos de la vida como algo que tienen que hacer por s\u00ed mismos es lo que puede llevarles a la depresi\u00f3n, <\/b>baja autoestima<\/b><\/a> e insatisfacci\u00f3n general en la vida.<\/b><\/p>\n

Para que una persona sea feliz, necesita tener relaciones y conexiones profundas y comprensivas con otras personas.<\/p>\n

What’s probably the saddest thing of all is knowing that they don’t really want to leave but feel a strong impulse to do so and they can’t explain their actions or at least don’t explain them in a way where they get to the root of the problem.<\/p>\n

This ties in with the underlying truth that they’re not actually abandoning the person because of them but because of the deep belief that they’re not enough. <\/p>\n

What they do is \u2018save the other person from themselves\u2019, even though they probably didn’t see them as something threatening or burdensome at all.<\/b><\/p>\n

Sadly, they choose to destroy what they built with another person just to run away and fight their battles on their own when they could’ve had a partner on their side who would probably willingly help them.<\/p>\n

Las secuelas de la ruptura<\/b><\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

Tipos de comportamiento destructivo<\/h2>\n

Immediately after a break-up, avoidant-style people don’t have too many emotions, which is why many of their ex-partners ask the question we’re answering: Do avoidants regret breaking up?<\/p>\n

Initially, they feel relieved and happy that they don’t have to deal with difficult and engulfing emotions but instead are free to do whatever they feel like (which they probably could have while they were in the relationship).<\/b><\/p>\n

All in all, they don’t show signs of missing their partner, at least not right after the break-up. <\/p>\n

While they’re in a relationship, they have the feeling that their current partner can hurt them because they do feel.<\/p>\n

Sin embargo, una vez que su pareja se ha ido, cambian completamente y se desconectan emocionalmente y casi parece como si realmente tuvieran un encendido y apagado. interruptor<\/i>.<\/p>\n

They enjoy their newfound freedom and control over everything they thought they didn’t have.<\/p>\n

This also means that they don’t need to overthink things that were bugging them while they were in the relationship, such as thoughts about their inadequacy and fears of being left, etc.<\/p>\n

Llegados a este punto, incluso empiezan a pensar en nuevas relaciones porque echan de menos la intimidad pero odian el compromiso.<\/p>\n

Despu\u00e9s de que se involucren en <\/b>despu\u00e9s de la ruptura<\/b> relaciones, acaban con algunos pensamientos que les molestaban en su \u00faltima relaci\u00f3n.<\/b><\/p>\n

Sin embargo, una nueva persona les da una sensaci\u00f3n temporal de prop\u00f3sito y control sobre su vida hasta el momento en que la ilusi\u00f3n la destroza de nuevo.<\/b><\/p>\n

Por supuesto, as\u00ed es como algunos de ellos se forjaron una reputaci\u00f3n que puede percibirse como negativa, dependiendo de la persona y de sus valores \u00e9ticos y morales.<\/p>\n

Most bad guys are portrayed as characters who probably have this same attachment system and that’s obviously not a coincidence.<\/p>\n

While it feels good and interesting at the beginning of a new adventure, soon it starts to feel underwhelming and fake because there’s no authentic feeling of connection.<\/p>\n

That’s where they usually come to realize they miss their old partner with whom they had a <\/b>estrecha relaci\u00f3n<\/b> y empiezan a sentir que han perdido su prop\u00f3sito y se han desconectado de s\u00ed mismos.<\/b><\/p>\n

Unfortunately, they realize they love their partner once they’re out of their reach.<\/p>\n

Sin ning\u00fan lugar a donde ir y sin nada m\u00e1s que sus emociones y pensamientos, suelen experimentar alg\u00fan tipo de periodo dif\u00edcil o incluso depresi\u00f3n.<\/p>\n

It’s not unusual for them to turn to some kind of opiates to turn their mind from painful thoughts and feelings. Essentially, all kinds of opiates are the definition of avoidance.<\/p>\n

In parallel with other styles of attachment theory, it’s likely that they’re going to be the ones who spend most of the time alone. <\/p>\n

The good thing is they feel good on their own most of the time. Even though they need connection, they’re still most likely to enjoy time alone out of all people.<\/b><\/p>\n

Their coping mechanism includes their life attitude, which always looks to the future and tries to keep the past in the past, which isn’t necessarily bad.<\/b><\/p>\n

Denegaci\u00f3n<\/h2>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

Even though their parents were in their life throughout their childhood, they didn’t know how to show emotions or showed them too much, so avoidants learned to push people away from them. <\/p>\n

Se escandalizar\u00e1n si te vas, como har\u00edan todos los humanos, pero no preguntar\u00e1n por qu\u00e9, ni pedir\u00e1n perd\u00f3n en caso de saber por qu\u00e9.<\/p>\n

Sometimes, they will consciously push you away just to feel how much they care about you when you’re gone. <\/p>\n

La sensaci\u00f3n de soledad es la emoci\u00f3n m\u00e1s dura que pueden sentir, por lo que la buscan desesperadamente mientras temen al mismo tiempo una p\u00e9rdida real.<\/b><\/p>\n

Their defense walls make them blind to their partner’s emotions, so it’s often surprising for them when their partner finally leaves after they are fed up with all the neglect and lack of communication. <\/p>\n

They think all the world desperately needs their attention, while it’s the complete opposite.<\/p>\n

En su b\u00fasqueda de atenci\u00f3n y afecto, se escudan en el egocentrismo, sin permitir que nada ni nadie les diga lo contrario. <\/p>\n

In their head, the only balance they make is a sense of neediness but in a way that everybody needs them and they don’t need anyone.<\/p>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

Esa sensaci\u00f3n de que alguien siempre est\u00e1 disponible para ellos es falsa, pero a veces les har\u00e1 parecer que est\u00e1n importunando a alguien para que les preste atenci\u00f3n, mientras sienten todo lo contrario.<\/p>\n

En esos casos, cuando por fin este tipo se d\u00e9 cuenta de que se ha quedado completamente solo, empezar\u00e1 a darse cuenta, a menudo de forma inconsciente, de que el objetivo principal de toda relaci\u00f3n es tratarse bien el uno al otro. <\/p>\n

Se enfrentan a su p\u00e9rdida, sin procesar a\u00fan del todo sus emociones, para acabar protegi\u00e9ndose una vez m\u00e1s con sus muros. <\/b><\/p>\n

Para ellos es muy importante marcharse y no ser el abandonado porque, de lo contrario, se desencadenar\u00e1n sus traumas infantiles de abandono.<\/p>\n

En el caso de que rompan con ellos, pueden llegar a distanciarse tanto como para cambiar por completo de lugar de residencia, de trabajo e incluso de personas de su entorno.<\/p>\n

Como no pueden procesar las emociones de forma madura, ni tuvieron a nadie en su infancia que les mostrara y ense\u00f1ara c\u00f3mo hacerlo, huir\u00e1n de ellas tan r\u00e1pido como puedan, aunque inconscientemente sepan que les importan. <\/b><\/p>\n

Cuidar de ellos no es compartir en el sentido de las emociones; cuidar de ellos es huir, intentar bloquear y borrar todas esas emociones que vienen con el amor hacia alguien. <\/p>\n

It seems like they don’t love themselves enough to allow others to love them completely, with all their good and bad sides. And if you don’t love yourself, how will you love anybody else?<\/b><\/p>\n

Arrepentirse y echar de menos a su pareja<\/h2>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

\u00bfLos que evitan se arrepienten de haber roto?<\/p>\n

Well, once they’re far away and their ex-partner is out of touch, that’s when their feelings start to collapse into something painful, as it always does when it comes to suppressed emotions.<\/p>\n

Once they don’t feel overwhelmed by the direct presence, words or actions of their ex-significant other, that’s when they become aware of how much they need intimacy and closeness.<\/p>\n

If their ex persists in not reaching out to them, they might feel more and more miserable and even then stay committed to blaming their ex for everything and even blaming them for leaving them, even if it’s the other way around.<\/p>\n

There’s also an interesting pattern that includes a sense of enjoyment once they know their ex has moved on because that how they validate their own belief that they’re unable to be in a relationship or that they’re unlovable.<\/b><\/p>\n

En este punto, un <\/b>persona evasiva<\/b> puede que incluso expresen alg\u00fan tipo de sentimiento rom\u00e1ntico, no hacia su ex sino hacia s\u00ed mismos o hacia su <\/b>mejores amigos<\/b>por ejemplo.<\/b><\/p>\n

They feel safe to finally show their emotions once they feel there’s no danger of being engulfed by their ex because he or she is permanently gone.<\/p>\n

Keeping in touch with an ex\u2026?<\/h2>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

Avoidant attachment types don’t know how to fix things, so they won’t make contact with their ex because that would create enormous feelings of exposure and uneasiness.<\/p>\n

They don’t like to be out of control of a situation, so they avoid things that take their independence away or even like making amends with the people who hurt them. <\/p>\n

Sus actos provienen de su falta de confianza en los dem\u00e1s, porque han aprendido a lo largo de su vida que nadie tiene m\u00e1s intereses que ellos mismos. <\/p>\n

Si otra persona tiene el control de la situaci\u00f3n, este tipo sentir\u00e1 que pueden aprovecharse de ellos en cualquier momento.<\/b><\/p>\n

Los evitadores tambi\u00e9n son muy implacables cuando se trata de relaciones o de personas que act\u00faan de cierta manera con ellos, por lo que son realmente malos para hacer que las cosas duren; siempre es m\u00e1s f\u00e1cil empezar algo nuevo con alguien completamente desconocido, es decir, hasta que la m\u00e1scara cae y ven a la persona como realmente es y huyen.<\/p>\n

They don’t have enough courage or patience to deal with people intimately or for long periods of time.<\/b><\/p>\n

Cualquier forma de cuidado les resulta agotadora porque es mucho m\u00e1s f\u00e1cil despreocuparse de la gente, por mucho que los dem\u00e1s les hagan sentirse deseados o seguros.<\/b><\/p>\n

La mayor\u00eda de las veces, este tipo no est\u00e1 seguro de lo que realmente siente porque, a su manera, est\u00e1 desconectado de sus emociones profundas.<\/p>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

De ese modo, sienten que siguen teniendo el control, aunque en realidad sea otra persona la que mueve todos los hilos y pr\u00e1cticamente decide todo por ellos.<\/p>\n

Al contrario, les gusta mucho jugar a perseguir porque les hace sentirse m\u00e1s grandes, mejores, m\u00e1s deseados, etc.<\/p>\n

Parece que sus deseos nunca son realmente claros o entendidos por otras personas, principalmente porque los mantienen vagos porque, de nuevo, les hace sentir que tienen el control de la situaci\u00f3n. <\/p>\n

De todo esto nace la terquedad y, con m\u00e1s frecuencia, elegir\u00e1n estar solos que enfrentarse a las personas que les han hecho da\u00f1o o intentar enmendar sus errores.<\/p>\n

Eso significar\u00eda que tendr\u00edan que procesar emociones realmente grandes y pesadas y como su nombre lo dice, un tipo evitativo simplemente lo evitar\u00e1.<\/p>\n

Because of this avoidance, they really don’t know how to process those emotions even if they wanted to.<\/p>\n

Sometimes, culpability becomes so strong and insufferable that they will try to make amends with their ex-partner but in most cases, it will be a game of chase that\u2019s full of vague emotions, until the ex-partner addresses all the problems and the avoidant type, once again, runs away.<\/p>\n

Evasores<\/b> won’t give or ask for forgiveness most of the time because they have strong defensive walls built around them for fear of their own vulnerability.<\/b><\/p>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

La mayor\u00eda de las veces, simplemente cortan los lazos con unas tijeras afiladas y siguen adelante con su vida porque aprendieron a huir de sus propios sentimientos, de un sentimiento de culpa y, lo que es m\u00e1s importante, de sentirse a disgusto con la otra persona.<\/p>\n

Otras personas pueden percibirlos como cobardes por ello.<\/p>\n

M\u00e1s <\/b>evasivo<\/b> types won’t be friends or even be friendly after a relationship ends because of their discomfort, which emerges from the lack of control and possible conflict situations.<\/b><\/p>\n

They will avoid conflict or talking about their or somebody else’s emotions at all costs.<\/b><\/p>\n

Como a la mayor\u00eda de los humanos, tambi\u00e9n les gusta sentir el apoyo de otras personas, por lo que a veces puede ocurrir que mantengan el contacto con algunas de sus ex parejas, siempre y cuando las conversaciones y las relaciones sean ligeras y no se hable en absoluto de emociones. <\/p>\n

They don’t like to be fully invested in things, so this is another way of theirs to protect themselves and hide behind their walls.<\/p>\n

Since it’s hard to find someone to be in a nonreciprocal emotive relationship, light communication with ex-partners will give an avoidant type a sense of comfort and stability but will also make them invest even less into a new relationship and build their character to be more avoidant. <\/p>\n

Dado que para ellos es importante que la comunicaci\u00f3n no est\u00e9 muy orientada a las emociones o los sentimientos, encontrar\u00e1n grandes dosis de satisfacci\u00f3n manteniendo conversaciones vagas sobre, bueno, pr\u00e1cticamente nada importante.<\/p>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

Son los amos de la ch\u00e1chara.<\/p>\n

Si un tipo evitativo es tu ex al que no puedes superar, pues tengo malas noticias para ti.<\/p>\n

Probablemente nunca volver\u00e1n a ti y, si lo hacen, s\u00f3lo jugar\u00e1n a uno de sus juegos de persecuci\u00f3n para aumentar su ego, mientras t\u00fa te quedas sentado sin saber qu\u00e9 te ha golpeado. <\/p>\n

Les gusta guardar las distancias o mantenerte alejado de sus muros como seguro de que no ser\u00e1n derribados.<\/p>\n

Since it is not very mature to blame anyone but yourself for your doings or even letting them do anything hurtful to you, it is better to work on building your character and learn to avoid avoidants so they don’t break you or your heart with their mindless chasing.<\/p>\n

Los evasivos son implacables consigo mismos y con todas las personas con las que entran en contacto, pero todos necesitamos perd\u00f3n alguna vez o simplemente comprender nuestros sentimientos.<\/p>\n

A veces es agradable ver simplemente que alguien intenta comprenderte, sin importar si realmente lo hace.<\/p>\n

La reciprocidad es algo que todos deber\u00edamos buscar de una forma u otra y dejar de buscar en un tipo de pareja evasiva. Si evitan sus propios sentimientos, imag\u00ednate c\u00f3mo evitar\u00e1n los tuyos.<\/p>\n

A nadie le gusta que le eviten y a nadie le gusta sentirse apretado en una relaci\u00f3n.<\/p>\n

Si necesitas pens\u00e1rtelo varias veces para expresar tus emociones, problemas o comodidad, convi\u00e9rtete en un tipo evitativo por un segundo y corre. <\/p>\n

A veces y s\u00f3lo a veces, est\u00e1 bien ser evitativo; si evitas a los evitativos.<\/p>\n

Otros tipos de estilos de apego<\/span><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Aparte de los estilos de apego evitativo (que incluye el displicente-evasivo<\/a> y temeroso-evitativo), existen dos tipos m\u00e1s que expresan diferentes patrones de comportamiento y necesidades basadas en nuestro subconsciente; seguro y ansioso.<\/p>\n

Todos son diferentes y tienen una trayectoria de formaci\u00f3n distinta. Algunas personas con determinados estilos de apego parecen ser m\u00e1s racionales, mientras que otras parecen ser m\u00e1s apasionadas, etc.<\/p>\n

Conocer su sistema de apego significa una mejor comprensi\u00f3n de las relaciones en su vida y, especialmente, de las relaciones rom\u00e1nticas, porque le permite comprender sus necesidades y emociones m\u00e1s \u00edntimas y c\u00f3mo se manifiestan en la vida cotidiana.<\/p>\n

Tu tipo de estilo de apego puede informarte sobre la forma en que provocas y afrontas los conflictos, sobre la manera en que muestras o restringes el amor y sobre los traumas de tu infancia que desencadenaron un determinado tipo de comportamiento m\u00e1s adelante en la vida.<\/p>\n

You can discover your type by taking online quizzes but it’s probable that you’ll recognize yourself in one of the descriptions below.<\/p>\n

Asegure<\/h2>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

El estilo de apego seguro se considera el m\u00e1s equilibrado y sano de los estilos de apego.<\/p>\n

What differentiates the secure type from other types is the fact that they, for example, don’t see break-ups as something tragic or they ignore them.<\/p>\n

They see what they can learn from their experience and what they need and don’t need to be happy.<\/p>\n

That, of course, doesn’t exclude normal emotional processes as grieving after parting with their partner.<\/p>\n

Las rupturas son dif\u00edciles para todo tipo de personas porque nuestra vida est\u00e1 rodeada de conexiones emocionales y de su calidad a lo largo de la vida.<\/p>\n

Sin embargo, un tipo seguro, a diferencia de otros tipos, tiene una visi\u00f3n m\u00e1s clara de sus sentimientos y es menos probable que se involucre en comportamientos destructivos debido a ello.<\/p>\n

Pueden racionalizar una situaci\u00f3n sin sobreracionalizarla y pueden sentir pena sin ser necesitados o destructivos.<\/p>\n

They also know that the fact that they are or they are not in a relationship doesn’t say anything about them as a person. They are neither dependent nor avoidant.<\/p>\n

En general, tienen una imagen sana de s\u00ed mismos y piensan en positivo, lo que les permite tener relaciones sanas con otras personas en su vida, aparte de sus parejas sentimentales.<\/p>\n

They have no problem depending on others when it comes to matters in which they need help and they don’t have a problem with others depending on them.<\/p>\n

Tener una relaci\u00f3n sana con la familia y los amigos es tambi\u00e9n una de las cosas m\u00e1s importantes en el proceso de curaci\u00f3n de una ruptura.<\/p>\n

Ansioso<\/h2>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

Un estilo de apego ansioso es t\u00edpico de las personas que manifiestan un comportamiento pegajoso en una relaci\u00f3n.<\/p>\n

La raz\u00f3n n\u00famero uno que provoca este comportamiento es la falta de seguridad a una edad temprana, que deber\u00edan haber dado sus padres.<\/p>\n

Since they have a very needy and clingy attachment style, they’re mostly interested in romantic relationships in particular.<\/p>\n

Naturalmente, por eso su separaci\u00f3n de la pareja es la m\u00e1s dolorosa de todos los estilos de apego.<\/p>\n

El problema m\u00e1s frecuente de las parejas ansiosas es su creencia de que no son lo suficientemente buenas como son.<\/p>\n

It’s not surprising that without changing this particular belief, over time, they will convince themselves and possibly their partner of this lie.<\/p>\n

At the same time, they put their partner on a pedestal and treat them like they’re better than them. This unhealthy approach magnifies the pain once they break up with their partner.<\/p>\n

They have a hard time getting over a romantic relationship and moving on with their life. They’re most likely to message, call and try to reunite with an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend.<\/p>\n

The fact that they’re so immersed in their romantic relationship means there’s a possibility they don’t have enough other people in their life, which means they don’t have a lot of people to help them deal with their post-break-up pain.<\/p>\n

Of course, combined with a poor self-image, that’s also the reason why an anxious person decides to go back to their ex. <\/p>\n

Despectivo-evasivo<\/h2>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

Avoidant styles are known to stem from a lack of caregivers\u2019\/parents’ attention in childhood. The aftermath of that is an inability to engage in intimate relationships and a fear of being vulnerable.<\/p>\n

Aunque proceden de la misma causa, existen dos estilos evitativos significativamente diferentes.<\/p>\n

El primer tipo es el llamado despectivo-avisivo. Se caracterizan por comportarse bastante mal con su pareja porque la consideran menos de lo que es, lo que destila rasgos narcisistas.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not surprising that many ex-partners ask if dismissive avoidants regret breaking up, since they appear so cold. It’s not unusual for a dismissive-avoidant to pretend they’re unfazed by a break-up and keep searching for a rational explanation in their mind so they can avoid the pain.<\/p>\n

Obviously, that\u2019s also the reason why their past relationships could not grow.<\/p>\n

Su mente est\u00e1 entrenada para creer que toda relaci\u00f3n es esencialmente una p\u00e9rdida de libertad personal, lo que crea a\u00fan m\u00e1s dificultades y les cuesta establecer conexiones profundas con otras personas.<\/p>\n

Sin embargo, racionalizadas o no, duelen en lo m\u00e1s profundo de s\u00ed mismas y todas esas emociones no procesadas se amontonan y s\u00f3lo provocan comportamientos a\u00fan m\u00e1s bruscos y repentinos como rupturas por sorpresa, irse sin dar explicaciones, etc.<\/p>\n

Their suppressed emotions can be dealt with in various ways and some of them are destructive and unhealthy, such as some kind of addiction which is also seen in an avoidant’s habits.<\/p>\n

Temeroso-evasivo<\/h2>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

The difference between dismissive and fearful avoidants is the fact that they’re not as good or effective at masking and ignoring their feelings.<\/p>\n

For a fearful-avoidant, relationships are a double-edged sword. On the one hand, they’re scared of intimacy but on the other hand, they crave partnerships because of their poor self-image and self-esteem.<\/p>\n

Essentially, they search for what they run from, which is obviously a vicious circle that doesn’t make sense and leads nowhere.<\/p>\n

Their inner belief that they’re not good enough and therefore need to pull away is a self-fulfilling prophecy because that’s what ends up happening.<\/p>\n

What often happens with this avoidant style is that they end up dating a person who is not the best choice for them and doesn’t make them feel safe, while they run away from those who are actually a better option for them.<\/p>\n

This ends up as either a toxic relationship or a casual relationship that includes intimacy but isn’t officially considered a relationship.<\/p>\n

Unsurprisingly, this leads anxious-avoidants to feel extremely confused about their relationship and to end it because, on one hand, they are trying their best to stay untouched by what’s happening but on the other, they feel very hurt, abandoned and alone.<\/p>\n

Rebound relationships, short and passionate relationships and everything that’s similar to those are what they usually end up in, until the point when they become more self-aware and try to change their belief system and approach.<\/p>\n

If there’s no honest self-reflection or a genuine change in behavior in this type, nothing will work out.<\/p>\n

Wrap up: Balance is possible if you\u2019re willing to put the effort in<\/h2>\n

\"mujer<\/p>\n

At the end of the day, people’s behavior is not something that’s set in stone. Do avoidants regret breaking up? As we already concluded, it depends on many things. <\/p>\n

Son humanos como los dem\u00e1s y tienen su propio mecanismo de afrontamiento que les permite evitar el dolor y buscar el placer.<\/p>\n

Las \u00fanicas preguntas son si son lo suficientemente conscientes y si aman lo suficiente.<\/p>\n

Todos tenemos opciones ante nosotros y elegimos lo que queremos lograr en nuestra vida.<\/p>\n

A lot of people aren’t well aware of how much their inner process reflects on their outer life.<\/b><\/p>\n

No son conscientes de que sus acciones est\u00e1n controladas por sus <\/b>propias necesidades<\/b> y miedos que existen subconscientemente.<\/b><\/p>\n

Facing our innermost fears is a very scary thing to do and not everyone is up to the challenge. However, it’s the only way to make real progress and understand our own being on a deep level.<\/b><\/p>\n

Nadie puede darnos tanto amor, comprensi\u00f3n y aprecio como nosotros mismos.<\/p>\n

Nobody knows us better than we know ourself and that’s exactly why we should work harder on understanding ourself even better.<\/b><\/p>\n

True self-love and genuine self-acceptance are what’s going to ultimately better our relationships with others and make space for healthy ones, including romantic relationships which are the biggest but most rewarding test of all.<\/p>\n

Problemas de relaci\u00f3n<\/b> ser\u00e1n menos intensos cuando aprendamos a querernos a nosotros mismos.<\/b><\/p>\n

Balance is possible if we’re willing to put in the work. We’re not doomed or fully convinced of our current state of mind, which is not our whole and integrated identity.<\/p>\n

Until we get to know ourself with our pain, we don’t really know who we are.<\/p>\n

The early pain in our life was a catalyst for the disintegration of our true self and that’s why we need to understand it and heal it.<\/p>\n

En lugar de elegir que te definan con otra etiqueta, ya sea <\/b>teor\u00eda del apego<\/b> u otra cosa, elige qui\u00e9n quieres ser y convi\u00e9rtete en eso.<\/b><\/p>\n

 <\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Do avoidants regret breaking up? This seems like a reasonable question to ask when there’s such little information provided from their side.  For someone with an avoidant attachment style, relationships are more stressful than for someone with another type of attachment style.  What is the source of these particular feelings? Despite wanting and needing a…<\/p>","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":99003,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29628],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-98998","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dealing-with-breakup"],"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":29628,"label":"dealing with breakup"}]},"featured_image_src_large":["https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/08\/Do-Avoidants-Regret-Breaking-Up-And-Why-Do-They-Leave.jpg",800,534,false],"author_info":{"display_name":"April Callaghan","author_link":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/author\/april\/"},"comment_info":0,"category_info":[{"term_id":29628,"name":"dealing with breakup","slug":"dealing-with-breakup","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":29628,"taxonomy":"category","description":"Breakups are painful but worry not; you don't need to go through all of it alone. If you need advice on when and how to break up, you'll find it all here.\r\n","parent":29627,"count":263,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":29628,"category_count":263,"category_description":"Breakups are painful but worry not; you don't need to go through all of it alone. If you need advice on when and how to break up, you'll find it all here.\r\n","cat_name":"dealing with breakup","category_nicename":"dealing-with-breakup","category_parent":29627}],"tag_info":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/98998","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=98998"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/98998\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/99003"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=98998"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=98998"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/es\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=98998"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}