You were the first man I really loved. I had boyfriends before you but none of them managed to wake up the emotions that you woke up inside of me.
While I was with you, I only belonged to you and nothing and nobody else existed. You had me completely. It was like I ceased to exist—I was no longer a woman, a daughter, a friend. My only role in life was that of your girlfriend. And that was my number one mistake.
You gave my life meaning. I simply forgot that I existed before I met you—I thought I couldn’t breathe without you around me and you convinced me that you felt the same. You convinced me that you needed me and that you could never picture your life without me in it.
Therefore, my purpose in life was to make you smile. Your well-being was the only thing important to me. I forgot about my friends and even my family but the person I forgot about the most was me. I completely disregarded myself and my needs, focusing only on you.
And it took me a long time before I realized that you were not giving me anything in return.
I guess I was blinded by the intensity of my love for you and I didn’t notice how badly you were treating me. People close to me kept telling me that you didn’t love me and that you were only using me but I didn’t believe them. Although everything was pretty much clear, I simply refused to believe that you didn’t deserve all of the sacrifices I made for you. I refused to admit that you didn’t deserve me.
But with time, I realized that you never actually matched my efforts. I realized I was the only one constantly giving and not receiving anything.
Let’s get one thing clear—I am not talking about anything material here. I gave you my time, my love, my patience, my energy… my everything. I didn’t want expensive gifts, all I wanted was your loyalty and love. And I got nothing in return. Actually, I got used and I got taken advantage of.
I realized I was only good for you when you needed me. When you were in any kind of trouble or when you were going through some rough times, I was the first person you called. You knew I would leave everyone and everything behind to be there for you. You knew you were the center of my universe and that there was nothing I wouldn’t do for you. And you used it very well to your advantage.
But the moment the storm was over and as soon as you’d get back on track, you would forget about me. Of course, you still held me by your side but suddenly everything and everyone was more important than me. I was always there when you needed someone to share your sadness with but when you were happy, I wasn’t even in the back of your mind.
And when I needed you, you were nowhere to be found. To you, my problems and issues were irrelevant and foolish. I didn’t want to admit it but deep down, I knew I could never rely on you.
I am simply the opposite. For me, it is natural to help those who you love. I am the kind of girl who will stick by her man and be his pillar of strength, no matter what. You knew I would never leave you behind and you knew that I was ready to stand by your side through thick and thin.
But what you obviously didn’t know is that you were expected to act the same. You should have at least tried to match my efforts but you couldn’t do even that.
Mutual partnership is what a relationship should be all about. Of course, there are times when one of the partners gives more and receives less and vice versa and there is nothing wrong with that.
But this wasn’t our situation; I was ready to move mountains for you and you weren’t ready to move your finger for me.
I refused to admit it but now I know that you never actually loved me for real. You enjoyed my attention and you enjoyed having someone to love you unconditionally.
I opened up to you completely and you were always a priority to me. And I never asked for much. You may say I was insecure but the truth is that I needed some validation on your part. I needed to feel important to you, I needed some gesture that would prove that you loved me and that you appreciated everything I was doing for you.
And what did I get? I got a boyfriend who was never there for me when I needed him the most. I got a boyfriend who always considered me to be his shoulder to cry on, his safety net. I got a boyfriend who always treated me like I was just an option to him. I got a boyfriend who always came to me when he had nowhere else to go.
I got a boyfriend who obviously couldn’t love me the way I expected. And a boyfriend who was never sincere enough to tell me that and to let me go.
I got nothing.