I love you; you know I do.
I will always love you, no matter what you do because you are my dad. But this doesn’t mean I’m not angry with you, even after all these years have passed by.
Now that I’m older, I finally have the courage to speak up and to tell you (even in this way) how much pain you’ve caused me.
I always thought I was a normal girl living in a normal, happy family—like those suburban families you see in movies where everything is simply perfect.
I used to live foolishly believing that was true until that one day, when my perfect world suddenly collapsed into an old ruin.
It all went down like this…
I ran out of credit on my phone which was not surprising because I never had credit on my phone—teenage years. I asked you to give me your phone so I could text my friend.
Of course, you gave it to me and I wrote the text and sent it. The final step, which I wish I never took, was deleting what I’ve sent so you can’t see it—because in deleting my message, I saw one of yours.
And boy, did I have something to see.
I accidentally saw a message I, or anyone else, wasn’t supposed to see. It was a love message, but one which wasn’t intended for my mom.
Of course, I read it, but I wish I hadn’t. I wish I could have stayed in that perfect world of mine.
I still remember the feeling I had when I gave you your mobile back. I still remember the way I looked at you. You were no longer the person I’ve known my whole life.
Now, you were a man—a man with needs. You were no longer just my dad. You were a man just like anyone else.
Instantly, I hacked in your e-mail account. You’d be surprised what people are prepared to do when they really need to.
I knew that I would regret my decision to read your emails, but I couldn’t help myself. It took the better of me.
There it was—a large number of your e-mails to HER , the woman who decided to destroy my happy home. With eyes full of tears, I’ve read each and every one.
Every sentence I read, made me hate you even more.
I couldn’t understand how you could cheat on my mom. How could you cheat on my brother and me? Aren’t we supposed to be the best things that have ever happened to you?
Aren’t we supposed to be the ones you love the most? Why all of a sudden, did that other woman came into our lives?
You thought no one will ever find out? or What exactly were you thinking?
This went on for a while, and I knew I was the first to find out you were leading another, secret life. Just then, I started to pay attention to your behavior and the way you acted around us.
I noticed you were always ‘working’ and that while being at home, you were nervous all the time.
I was struggling with my thoughts. I was struggling whether to say something or not. Of course—I didn’t.
I was a child entering her teenage years; confused enough without this additional thing that was eating me alive.
Soon enough, I realized my mom was acting strangely. She found out. It’s selfish of me to say this, but in a way, I was relieved she found out.
I was relieved because I was no longer the only one who knew the big secret.
Secretly, I was hoping my mom would deal with you. I already imagined the two of you getting a divorce and of course, I would have sided with my mom.
In a way, I was happy to hurt you by going away from you with her, just because you’ve hurt me.
One day, I cracked after I heard you say ‘I love you’ to someone. I took your phone once again and I’ve seen the number you last dialed was unknown.
That was the final stone thrown that beat me to the ground.
I called my older brother and told him everything. He already knew.
I wasn’t surprised. We all knew but no one had the guts to say something out loud.
If only you knew all the plans I’ve had to destroy your relationship with HER . I’ve even made a fake account to send HER threatening emails so she can leave you alone.
But I realized it wasn’t up to me to do these things. It won’t get me anywhere. I had no right to meddle in your life.
I had no right to meddle in mom’s and your life. As soon as I realized that, I simply let go.
But I have to tell you something. I have let go but I was left struggling with huge pain.
I couldn’t look in your eyes for a long time. You’ve hurt me.
As I grew older, I had a few relationships, but all of them ended soon because I was afraid they will hurt me like you’ve hurt my mom—like you’ve hurt my brother and me.
I don’t know how, but my mom and you managed to work things out. I guess somewhere along the way, you rediscovered your love for us and you realized nothing is worth losing us.
Today, I’m a grown woman. I have a family of my own.
I have a nice relationship with you. I know you’ve realized I knew you were cheating on our family.
We both know that every time we look at each other, I’ve finally faced the pain you’ve caused me and I surpassed it and I forgive you!
Dear Dad, I want you to know I’ve forgiven you because I love you and I know that you love me, after all.