Break-ups are incredibly painful, no matter what kind of a break-up it is. Losing somebody who meant a great deal to you and suddenly having to live as if they were never there is difficult to say the least.
Friendship break-ups are something that is on a whole other spectrum of emotions. Having a true, genuine friend nowadays is one of the most precious things one can have.
Having somebody who will stand by you, sometimes all the way back from high school, through college and to today, when you are finding yourself and figuring yourself out is something never to take for granted.
Not everybody gets to have a friend like that, one who withstands the test of time and has proved to be the best shoulder to cry on, the best ear to listen to and the best person to have the most amount of fun with.
I can proudly say that I had that and while it lasted, it was the best thing that I had going for me in life. Until it was over.
We were two best friends, the best that anyone could imagine together. We were so in sync and no one would ever see one without the other. We were like each other’s better half.
If you cried, I cried, when you were sad, I was feeling sad, and when one of us was happy, the other one was over the moon!
When I was going through something extremely difficult a few years back, you never let me out of your sight. You were there whenever I needed you and you made sure I never felt alone.
You would cater to my every need and I was left in awe of how patient and considerate you were, knowing that I was not easy to be around.
I often think about those times, when it was just you and me against the world, overcoming every obstacle together and always landing on our feet.
I could never imagine not having you with me, it was simply not an option. You were like a sister to me and I knew you felt the same about me.
So this is why it’s so difficult for me to write this letter to you. I never in a million years thought I would ever be doing this but here I am…
I will never be able to forget the day when I started realizing something seemed off.
I was so adamant that it must be just my imagination and that everything was peachy but it wasn’t.
You were no longer the person I knew. It was a complete shift in our relationship. Our closeness and our ability to get through anything together suddenly felt compromised and I was in complete and total disbelief.
You started distancing yourself from me. With no apparent reason, no explanation and no warning, you were suddenly so distant.
I cannot tell you how hurt I was. It was like I was watching from afar, not able to understand that this was you and me in question and that this was MY reality.
There are few things in this world as painful as realizing that your best friend is no longer in this with you.
It is an indescribable feeling, like you are slowly but surely being replaced in your person’s life by somebody different, somebody who is not good for her but you had absolutely no say in the matter.
All I could do was take comfort in my bed and cry myself to sleep, praying that I would wake up and this would all be a nightmare.
That you would still be a huge part of my life and we would laugh together about this horrible nightmare I’d had.
But it was all too real.
Before I knew it, we went our separate ways and I lost you to somebody new.
A part of me died that day. A part of me is so numb right now, because the pain it took realizing that it was over between us almost ended me.
One day, we were so happy, full of life and planning the rest of our lives, always by each other’s side, feeling like nothing could break us but now, it was like we never existed.
I felt like I imagined our entire friendship. If it was that good, how could it have ended so abruptly and inexplicably? What did I do so wrong that you suddenly stopped loving me?
That is when I realized something. God has a way of taking things and people from us when they no longer serve a purpose in our life. And that hit hard.
And as difficult as it was to grasp this and come to terms with it, I had to make myself believe this in order to keep my sanity.
There was no other way for me to keep going.
I will never forget the feeling of knowing somebody loved me that much and asked for nothing in return except my friendship.
I will never forget what it was like having somebody who was down for anything. I never had to persuade you to do anything with me. You were always down for an adventure; even if it was a little risky, it didn’t matter, as long as we were a team.
You truly were my best friend and while you were, it was the best thing in my life. I loved you like we were blood and felt comforted by your mere presence.
Many people pray to have what we had and I will never take for granted how special it was and how rare it is to obtain.
You may no longer be a part of my life and I may never fully understand or accept it but I will always look back on our time with a smile on my face.
I refuse to be bitter about it. It is too easy to let myself be consumed by profound sadness, sorrow and self-pity… but I will no longer indulge in any of these emotions.
I am strong. I am capable. And I WILL move on. It will be hard without you. But I will learn to find my way again.
I am aware that it will be hard to replace you, so I won’t try. But if somebody enters my life and it is anything like what you and I had, I will welcome it with open arms.
Who knows, maybe it will last a lifetime, or maybe it will be there to teach me a valuable lesson.
Either way, I’m ready. I love you and part of me will always love you… but I’m letting you go.
I wish you nothing but the best and if you ever need a true friend again, you know where to find me.
I miss you.
Goodbye my friend, it was a wild ride.