It’s hard to grow apart from someone who has been so important to you. It’s hard to lose a best friend. My life has new people in it. I have new friends that are very important to me. But the past doesn’t leave me be.

There are so many feelings piercing through me as I go back down memory lane. I catch myself thinking that it was my fault, and I get overwhelmed with blame.

I get sad because we don’t talk anymore like we used to.  I get angry because you were indifferent when it came to losing our friendship.

I can’t stop myself from feeling what I feel.

I can’t negate or lessen the friendship we shared. I can’t pretend like you weren’t a huge part of my life. I can’t forget the moments we shared.

I can’t deny the impact you had on my life and on the person I have become.

The anger passed the resentment faded away. I have nothing bad to say about you. I don’t hold grudges—I hope you don’t either. But still, I wonder what happened.

Why did our friendship fall apart? Why are we strangers when we once were so close? Have you ever regretted tossing me away? Have you missed me even a bit?

I think all these questions will be left unanswered, and that’s OK. Yet, when I peek back into my past, you are still in my most wonderful memories. I still have a huge smile on my face when I think back to all the fun things we did. I hope it’s the same at your end.

I don’t know if you’ll ever read this, but there are things I need to get off of my chest:

Thank you for being my rock when I had nobody else to lean on.

Thank you for making me leave my comfort zone.

Some of your words are still echoing in my head. You gave me some of the best advice that still comes in handy.

I still reminisce and tell other people about those incredible times we had.

I still go through the old photographs, and they take me back to those moments.

Our friendship was incredibly important to me.

Being your friend was the greatest gift I’ve ever received

But I hated that gift the moment you betrayed me.

I will never understand the things you did and the ones you failed to do.

Still…I don’t think you are a bad person.

I don’t hate you—far from it. You are still close to my heart, and I don’t want anything bad to happen to you.

In the end, I want you to know that despite everything, I still miss you.

To The Best Friend Who Cut Me Out Like I Never Existed