Modern dating has brought many changes on the relationship field. Yes, the truth is that nowadays you have many more options and possibilities and rarely anyone judges you for the choices you make. At first glance, the dating game has become much easier and finding someone suited for you should now be a piece of cake.
After all, you have hundreds of new chances to meet your soulmate besides doing so in person. You have Facebook, Instagram, Tinder, and all those other dating apps and social media that help you get to know the other person before actually getting involved with them.
However, modern dating isn’t as perfect as it seems and it definitely has its disadvantages. Ironically, all of these rules of today have actually made it harder for anyone to meet someone they want to commit to. Yes, finding a booty call or a no-strings-attached relationship is the easiest thing in the world, but if you want anything more than that, you have to be extra careful and work for it.
Finding someone to date who treats you right, respects you, and enjoys your company as much as you do theirs can be seriously hard work, not least thanks to the new era of boys on the dating scene – fuckboys.
But what is a fuckboy, really? Is he a serial cheater? A player? The kind of guy who just wants to get into your pants? An immature young man who will break your heart to boost his ego?
Well, let me tell you that a fuckboy is all of the above. Fuckboys are known for playing with girls’ hearts, treating them poorly, and generally wreaking havoc on the dating scene, while using Tinder and other dating apps as their playgrounds.
The word fuckboy has been put in Urban Dictionary in 2004, where it stated that a fuckboy is a “weak ass pussy“. However, the first one to use this term was hip-hop artist Cam’ron in his 2002 hit Boy, boy.
After Cam’ron‘s song Boy, boy, many other hip-hop artists dealt with this term, including another hip-hop artist Killer Mike. Killer Mike explained that the easiest way to recognize fuckboys is by the fact that they always “fuck shit up.”
While Boy, boy and other songs introduced the word in the Urban dictionary, Tumblr is the network that popularized the term, changing its original meaning. On Tumblr, people gave different definitions of fuckboy, starting with “the guy who depends on his mother but doesn’t respect women,” to “a player who is only interested in sexual relationships,” ending with “a guy who sends his dickpics around.”
Of course, not all guys are fuckboys, and these second-raters actually give the good guys a bad name.
Having said that, learning how to spot a fuckboy and, more importantly, knowing how to deal with him, can help you to protect yourself from any unnecessary heartache and work the dating scene like a pro. Naturally, the first step is learning how to recognize the behavioral patterns almost every fuckboy displays because, bottom line, all of them act in a similar manner. That is why we’re here: to offer you firstly some tips on how to spot a fuckboy, as well as sure-fire signs that you’re dealing with one.
Bags of Confidence
The first thing you will notice around every fuckboy is his confidence. Trust me on this one: a fuckboy doesn’t have to look good, he doesn’t have to be smart, funny or interesting. But he has to be a confident alpha male, even if this confidence has no back-up at all.
Sadly, this is the thing that attracts you the most about this type of guy in the first place. He believes in himself to the point where he even manages to convince every female in his surroundings, including you, that he really is the best and that he is worthy of her attention and time.
Before anything, you need to always have in mind that fuckboys are professionals at this dating game who have been living this fuckboy life for ages and more than likely have been on their fair share of dates. You’re not this guy’s first victim – he knows how to walk the walk and talk the talk, which leaves him with a lot of confidence in the dating world. Expect them to wow you with their confidence, blow you away with their chat, and take control of the entire situation, but remember there’s a fine line between confidence and cockiness and this is something most fuckboys don’t know.
Knowing this, you probably wonder how can someone fall for a cocky guy who is overly sure about himself and who acts as if he’s above everyone else? Well, the truth is that every fuckboy wears his confidence in a rather charming way that almost no one can resist.
This type guy makes you wonder what the reason for that huge ego is and what qualities lie hidden behind his self-confidence. Sadly, with time, you discover that all of this was nothing more than an act and that he has no foundation for being so certain about himself – but once that happens, you’re usually already head over heels for this guy and it’s too late for you to escape unharmed.
At first, this presence can be a very attractive quality when dating. This guy knows when to say all the right things, so it’s easy to get blindsided and swoon when you should be swerving. Even though high level of self-esteem is not the only thing you should look out for when trying to spot a fuckboy, someone overconfident and sure of himself may just be a fuckboy. So, bear this in mind as red flag number one if something doesn’t quite sit right.
Lack of Attention
When you’re starting to date someone new, you should be in the exciting honeymoon phase where you can’t get enough of each other. After all, this is the stage in which the two of you are crazy about each other, a period when everything seems too good to be true, a time when you haven’t discovered each other’s flaws just yet. The phase when neither of you get tired of being in a relationship or bored of each other, and when you still haven’t had enough time to get to know each other’s annoying sides.
However, this is not the case with your relationship. Even though you two have just started dating, this guy’s never showed you that he’s enchanted with you and never made you feel special.
Well, someone is showing you a distinct lack of attention at the beginning of a relationship, then we hate to break it to you, but they might just be a fuckboy. After all, this is the part of your relationship where there shouldn’t exist anything more interesting for him than you and you shouldn’t be begging him for attention.
Nevertheless, it seems that this guy’s attention is elsewhere. At first, your first impulse might be to chase him or to beg for his love, but with time, the truth becomes clear: these are nothing else but his games and that’s not something you need in your life.
Someone who can’t give you sufficient time and energy that you deserve is not worthy of your time. Someone who doesn’t pay you enough attention at any stage of your relationship is a fuckboy – you can do better.
Standard Fuckboy Chat
Another thing that can help you spot a fuckboy is this guy’s way of talking and addressing his victims. At first, you think that decrypting a fuckboy’s verbal signs is impossible, but later on, you understand that all of them actually both talk and behave the same way. Fuckboys have their own language, and it’s actually pretty easy to spot!
The first characteristic of this language is constant apologizing. A fuckboy will go on and on about how sorry he is for standing you up, for not returning your calls, or just for being a jerk.
Of course, when this happens for the first time, you’ll be more than happy for the fact that this guy has taken responsibility for his actions and you’ll take his apologies as a sign that he’s ready to change his ways. However, later on, when this becomes a routine in your relationship, you’ll realize that he’s actually just paying lip service and that his apologies are fake. You’ll see that his empty excuses and false promises mean nothing because he always continues with his fuckboy behavior, no matter what he tries to make you believe.
Another characteristic of fuckboy language is constant compliments. Let’s face it, all of us women enjoy knowing that our boyfriend thinks of us as beautiful, intelligent, or attractive. We all like hearing that we look amazing in that new dress or that we’re beasts in the bedroom.
However, honest compliments are one thing, but conveniently telling you the right things at the right time and kissing your ass just to make you feel better after hurting you is something completely different. And this is exactly what every fuckboy does – he showers you with compliments to divert your eyes from everything he’s doing behind your back.
So, if this young man spends more time apologizing to you and complimenting you than he does asking about your day, then get rid of that fuckboy immediately. Also, if his words are in no way synchronized with his deeds, everything is more than clear.
Lack of Commitment
Although every relationship moves at its own pace, there comes a time when a lack of commitment is evident. This is the moment you have to ask yourself if you and your boyfriend want the same things and whether this relationship has a future.
Let’s get one thing straight: a fuckboy will never commit to you! No matter how hard you try and how long you wait for him to change, a player always remains a player and there is nothing you can do about it.
But the worst part is that he’ll never be clear about this. He’ll never admit that he is a commitment phobe who’ll never take you seriously.
Instead, a fuckboy will continue convincing you that he does love you and that he does take your relationship seriously. However, if a guy you’re dating keeps canceling plans, changing your arrangements, and ditching you, it is clear as day that you need to dump his sorry ass as soon as possible.
He refuses to label things
Another thing that usually goes hand in hand with lack of commitment is another classic fuckboy behavior: him insisting to keep the relationship labelless. A fuckboy will rarely call you his official girlfriend. Instead, he’ll focus on the good times the two of you are having together and try to persuade you that naming and defining things is outdated and old-fashioned.
The fact is that this is just his way of getting away with his douchebag behavior. This way, he has all the benefits of a relationship without any disadvantages, which is typical fuckboy shit.
In you he has regular sex, someone to cuddle with, someone to hear him out, and someone to be his plus one. At the same time, when you call him out on his actions, he always has a valid excuse that he is not your boyfriend and that he owes you nothing. Basically, you have no rights in this relationship.
Everything happens on his terms
When it comes to a relationship with this kind of guy, you can immediately forget ever knowing where you stand and, even more, about compromise. No, the two of you are not equal partners and even though you might not see it, your entire relationship actually happens under his conditions.
The two of you meet, talk, and text how, when, and where he wants it. When he has something better to do, you fall to the bottom his priority list and all of a sudden he’s too busy for you. On the other hand, as soon as everyone else bails on him, you’re the first one he calls.
There is nothing unusual about a fuckboy who ignores you all day, just to send you a message at midnight asking if he can come over to “cuddle.” It is more than obvious what this guy is after, and that he wants to commit to you in his own way and on his own terms. Any lack of commitment is a lack of faith in your relationship, and quite frankly, a classic fuckboy move.
Keeps You a Secret
Each different relationship unfolds with its own timing, and if you haven’t yet met the friends or family of the guy you’re dating and want to take it slow, then that’s totally fine. However, this doesn’t make it okay for your boyfriend to keep your relationship a secret.
If this is the case with your guy – if he is actively keeping you a secret from his family and friends, avoiding mentioning you, and using you to sneak around – then it’s pretty likely that he doesn’t want your relationship to be public because it would interfere with the fuckboy life he’s been living. It is quite possible that he doesn’t plan on having a future with you and that he doesn’t want you to become a part of his life, since you’ll be out of it any time now.
Not being ready for a serious commitment is one thing, but pretending like you don’t exist when the two of you aren’t alone? That’s not good enough.
The two of you are adults and you don’t have to be all over each other wherever you go, but there is nothing wrong with some public displays of affection. Remember that you need someone who is proud to be with you and wants to show you off to the world.
Besides, there is also a possibility that this man is hiding you because he is in a long term relationship or even married and he doesn’t want to get caught. You might be the other woman without even knowing it just because he is a weak ass pussy who doesn’t have the guts to tell you the truth.
Other Girls on the Scene
When you’re dating someone, they should be investing their time in you and you alone. Of course, at first when you’re on the dating scene, you may both be entertaining other options and under no requirement to be exclusive.
However, when you spend a little more time with someone and start dating more regularly, it’s generally assumed that you become exclusive as you give things a shot. Fidelity is something that should be expected and implied, and anything else isn’t even an option.
Nevertheless, if your guy has other options opened or if he’s still seeing other girls, he is without doubt a living example of a fuckboy. You’re not the only girl in this guy’s life and that is not something you should ever accept, especially if you’re exclusive. You should know your worth and know how much you can bring to someone’s life, so don’t ever settle for being just a part when you should be the whole.
Inability to Listen
Fuckboys are masters of small talk. Getting you involved in chatting with them to gather as much information as they need to get you on their side is what they do best.
They will ask a lot of deep questions to get to know you better, but anything beyond that doesn’t interest them at all. At first, you’ll be delighted by the fact that this guy wants to get to the bottom of your personality, but with time, you’ll see that he doesn’t care about your life at all. This will leave you with an emotional void you won’t be able to fill.
The easiest way to tell if they are really in the conversation for the sake of getting some, is to pay attention to whether they are really engaged in the conversation or are answering your questions with statements about themselves.
If you feel that the conversation has some depth and meaning to it, then they are genuinely interested in you. Nevertheless, if you get the feeling that the conversation is a one-way street, then you’re dealing with a fuckboy who has gathered all the information he needs and won’t bother going any deeper.
‘Nice Guy Charade
When someone is a nice person, believe me, they are completely unaware of it. They do good things because their conscience tells them to and because they believe it is the right way to live their life. Genuinely nice people don’t have the need to go around telling everyone about their qualities and bragging about their good deeds.
If you meet a guy who doesn’t have a history of cheating or abusing his partners, this is not something he’ll talk about constantly. This man considers this the right way of being in a relationship and he doesn’t expect a medal for being a normal guy who treated his girlfriends the way they deserve.
On the other hand, when you’re dealing with a man who is constantly bringing your attention to the fact that he is a nice guy, then you’re definitely dealing with a fuckboy. They have the need to convince you they won’t hurt you because they wouldn’t want to hurt a fly, just so you can open up to them and trust them, only to get extremely hurt in the end.
His social media
Whether we like to admit it or not, our social networks reveal a lot about us and this is one of the ways that can help you reveal whether someone is a fuckboy or not. A fuckboy will like literally every female’s profile pictures, status updates, and posts. Besides, he’ll be known for sending his dick pics whenever he has a chance of doing so.
You’ll track many girls liking and commenting on his posts and profile pictures in a way that reveals something more going on between them. When you confront him about these women, he tells you that there is nothing to worry about. Even though he claims that these girls are nothing more than his friends, the truth is that he doesn’t even know many of them, he’s slept with some of them in the past, and he still has sexual relationships with a number of them.
Now that you’ve learned what is a fuckboy and how to discover him, it’s time to find out more about handling this type of guy successfully. Of course, the best thing you could do is to run for your life as soon as you notice signs of a fuckboy, but sometimes, you’re dragged too deep in a relationship with this guy and you have to find a way to deal with him. That is exactly what we are giving you: an answer to a question almost every woman has asked herself in one point of her life: “How to deal with a fuckboy?”
How to Deal with Him?
If your man is displaying some of the red flags listed above, then we’re sorry to tell you that he is probably a fuckboy, and you deserve better. I know that you’re hoping he’ll change in time and thinking that you should just be patient enough until that happens.
However, the truth is that he’ll forever remain the same douchebag he’s always been and he’ll never become the man you need him to be. Therefore, the right way to beat this kind of guy at his own game is by not playing at all.
Yes, you heard it right. The thing you should do is ignore him completely and kick him out of your life for good.
No tactics, no arguments, no revenge – just walk away and move on with your life, as much as it hurts. Trust me, this is the last thing he expects.
At first glance, this guy acts like a high school senior. Honestly, though, he is probably just trying to make up for everything he missed during high school and thinks this is the right way to do so.
Every fuckboy is actually an insecure, immature boy who has the need to feed his ego by breaking other people’s hearts. Messed up, I know, but it’s his way of making himself feel important.
So, as long as you’re allowing this guy to keep dragging you back in his never-ending circle of manipulation, mind games, mixed signals, and other fuckboy shit, he is the winner because this is exactly what he wants. Don’t try to outsmart him because you won’t succeed. Firstly, he has a lot of experience in doing this. Secondly, your conscience would never allow you to be like him.
To sum it up, when it comes to dealing with a fuckboy, the answer is simple – don’t deal with him. You should never dedicate your time to someone who doesn’t have the time, energy, and affection that you need to keep you happy.
In the complicated world of dating, for you, your happiness should be take first place on your priority list. When someone brings you down or doesn’t make you completely happy, ditch them and move on.
You should always be number one in your life, and when you know your worth, a fuckboy simply won’t do. These type of men aren’t interested in women they can’t have an impact on, so the moment he sees that you’re an independent woman who values herself, he will pass onto another victim.
An alpha female needs a man who will add to her life, not take away from it. If you think you’re dating a fuckboy, then show him the door and let him make way for someone who will make you happy.
If you wait and take care of yourself, we promise that a real man will take his place. Remember that remaining single until the right guy comes along beats being nothing more than someone’s option, hands down.