For as long as I can remember, I had the wrong men in my life. Some of them were toxic, some were abusive and some of them were selfish\u2026 Some of them maybe weren\u2019t all that wrong, but they were definitely wrong for me. Let me get one thing straight\u2014 wasn\u2019t picking guys of a particular type (or at least, I thought I wasn\u2019t); some of my boyfriends were players, you would characterize some of them as nice guys and they all looked different. But, all of them had one thing in common\u2014they all treated me badly.<\/p>\n
When I was younger, I thought all of my heartbreaks were due to my bad luck. I didn\u2019t chase any of these guys, they were all actually che mi corre dietro<\/a> in the beginning. But as soon as they saw they had me, they changed drastically. Some changed the way they behaved with me, some of them just walked away and some acted perfectly until I found out about their lies and cheating. The point is that I\u2019ve had more than one heartbreak and that I was always the one who ended up being hurt or left behind.<\/p>\n Mi ci \u00e8 voluto molto tempo per capire che tutti noi gravitiamo verso il tipo di persone con cui abbiamo familiarit\u00e0. Per quanto possa sembrare assurdo, i ragazzi sbagliati erano la mia zona di comfort e, per qualche motivo, avevo il terrore di rompere i miei schemi di frequentazione.<\/p>\n Crescendo, ho iniziato a capire che quello che mi stava accadendo era pi\u00f9 di una semplice coincidenza. Ero io ad attrarre questi ragazzi e a sceglierli, senza nemmeno esserne consapevole. Inoltre, ero io a rimanere in queste relazioni tossiche e manipolative. Tutti loro vedevano in me qualcosa che mi rendeva una vittima adatta ai loro giochi mentali e alla loro manipolazione emotiva.<\/p>\n It took me many years of introspection and self-reflection, but now I can say I\u2019ve finally reached some kind of conclusion. I think I can finally say why I was choosing the guys that I was choosing and what it was that finally made me smettete di raccoglierli<\/a>.<\/p>\n This was hard for me to accept, but the first thing that attracted these guys was my self-esteem\u2014or to be more precise, the lack of it. As far as I can remember, I\u2019ve dealt with my different insecurities. Although I thought these were things people around me didn\u2019t notice, I was obviously wrong. When I was with a handsome guy, I thought I wasn\u2019t pretty enough and when I was with a guy whose main quality was his brain, I thought I wasn\u2019t smart enough.<\/p>\n In ogni caso, ho sempre pensato di non essere all'altezza. E invece di concentrarmi sulle mie qualit\u00e0, ho scelto di concentrarmi sulle mie imperfezioni. Pensavo di coprire le mie insicurezze, ma gli uomini le percepivano. Sentivano che ero una persona che desiderava la loro approvazione e attenzione. Cos\u00ec all'inizio me le davano, solo per conquistarmi.<\/p>\n Most of the men I\u2019ve dated were actually too good to be true in the beginning. They knew exactly what I needed to hear and they used it. And that was their strategy\u2014once they made me feel wanted and loved, they knew they had me completely and their job was done. After that, I kept doing whatever they wanted just to have their attention and love back.<\/p>\n I was always craving the amount of attention these guys were giving me in the beginning and they saw I became addicted to their approval. Therefore, they could treat me the way they wanted. And most of them did. It was always easy for a guy to convince me I wasn\u2019t worthy and that I should be lucky to have him, no matter how he treated me.<\/p>\n So, if I wanted to break my dating patterns, the first thing I had to work on was my self-esteem. I needed to learn how to love and appreciate myself, before expecting respect from my partner. I can\u2019t say that I\u2019ve accomplished that goal just yet, but I am slowly working on it. I am taking baby steps, but I am teaching myself that it is OK for me not to be perfect and that my flaws are a part of who I am. Once you learn to accettare le proprie imperfezioni<\/a>gli altri seguiranno. E quando imparerete ad amarvi e ad apprezzarvi, il vostro partner far\u00e0 lo stesso.<\/p>\n The next thing that brought all the wrong guys to me was my fear of solitude. We live in a society in which a single woman is always looked down upon. I was so terrified of being alone, because I thought I could never be a complete individual without a man by my side. So, I kept settling for guys who didn\u2019t deserve me, just so I could have someone next to me.<\/p>\n Anche quando avevo una relazione, vivevo nella costante paura che il ragazzo mi lasciasse, quindi facevo di tutto per evitarlo. Pensavo che li avrei tenuti al mio fianco se avessi fatto tutto ci\u00f2 che volevano e se fossi diventata la persona che volevano. Naturalmente, gli uomini hanno percepito la mia disperazione e l'hanno sfruttata in ogni modo possibile. Anche la mia paura della solitudine era legata alle mie insicurezze; non \u00e8 che da sola stessi malissimo, avevo pi\u00f9 che altro paura che la gente mi giudicasse, che pensasse che nessuno mi volesse abbastanza da avere una relazione con me. Solo quando ho capito che stare da soli e sentirsi soli non sono la stessa cosa ho imparato a abbracciare la vita da single<\/a>.<\/p>\n With time, I\u2019ve slowly learned to appreciate \u2018me-time\u2019. It was hard in the beginning, but I gave myself time to get to know myself better and to start enjoying things that make only me happy, without having to compromise with my partner. And once I saw that single life is not all that terrifying and that it is something you should enjoy, my dating life also changed. I wasn\u2019t desperate to get into a relationship anymore and that caused me to be more relaxed and indifferent toward guys, which saved me a lot of emotional pain and many heartbreaks. Also, I wasn\u2019t falling into despair if things didn\u2019t work out with a certain guy\u2014I knew I always had a life I could go back to, with or without him in it.<\/p>\n Quando ho smesso di cercare di cambiare i ragazzi intorno a me e ho iniziato a lavorare sui miei problemi interiori, ho rotto i miei vecchi schemi di frequentazione. \u00c8 stato allora che ho capito di cosa ho bisogno e cosa voglio dalla vita. E mi ha dato la capacit\u00e0 di riconoscere i ragazzi sbagliati dal momento in cui li vedo.<\/p>\n