![\"Cara](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/shutterstock_1339397624-48.jpg\")
<\/p>\r\nCara mamma,<\/p>\r\n
As I sit here writing this letter, I am reminded of how long I have harbored all of the thoughts, feelings, and secrets I am about to reveal in this letter. I can feel the weight of the load I’ve been carrying begin to lessen, with every word I type.<\/p>\r\n
For the past twenty years, I have held onto so much guilt, shame, embarrassment, pain and anger. And as many times as I’ve attempted to write and complete this letter, the truth is, when I could find the words I wanted to write, I was too high\u2026 too fucked up to even make a half-assed crack at it. But NOT today\u2026 NOPE!!<\/p>\r\n
I am sober, clear-headed and ready to talk about all of the \u2018what happens behind closed doors, stays behind closed doors\u2019 secrets that you always insisted were tall tales and fabrications of a troubled child seeking attention.<\/p>\r\n
Please let me start by saying that I FORGIVE YOU and love you\u2026 and that this letter is not to bash you or make you feel that the trouble I have gotten into or the questionable decisions I have made are in any way being blamed on you.<\/p>\r\n
Voglio anche dire che mi dispiace per le cose cattive e odiose che ho detto e fatto nel corso degli anni e che, sebbene il mio uso di droghe abbia fatto parlare di s\u00e9 per molti anni, questo non \u00e8 in alcun modo una scusa per le mie azioni.<\/p>\r\n
We have had some great times, haven’t we? Laughed until we cried\u2026 Been there for each other through some pretty rough and trying times\u2026 Held each other through the heartaches and tears\u2026 experienced love, hate, life and death.<\/p>\r\n
<\/p>\r\n
God knows we’ve had some knock-down-drag-out fights and said things we didn’t necessarily mean. Our relationship has been one hell of a roller coaster, to say the least.<\/p>\r\n
Looking back, I never could understand why, when I needed it the most though, you failed to protect me\u2026<\/p>\r\n
Perch\u00e9, a 7 anni, sono stata chiamata bugiarda e ignorata come una bambina in cerca di attenzioni, quando la mia sorella maggiore ti ha messo in guardia su ci\u00f2 che il tuo fidanzato di allora aveva cercato di fare a lei, senza successo, ma con successo a me?<\/p>\r\n
Perch\u00e9 non mi \u00e8 mai stato detto che quello che mi stava facendo era malato, demente e sbagliato?<\/p>\r\n
The truth is, at that age, I had no idea that what he was doing wasn’t supposed to feel good\u2026 or that it would leave a lasting impression on not only the way I viewed men, love and sex\u2026 but also the way I viewed safety, security and, most importantly, the way I viewed myself for a good majority of my life.<\/p>\r\n
And why, why, why wasn’t he the only one who ever had the chance to do something so horrible like that to me?<\/p>\r\n
Perch\u00e9 c'erano altri che avevano l'opportunit\u00e0 di fissarmi con pensieri e intenzioni subdole e poi, in un momento o nell'altro, di mettere in atto quegli stessi pensieri e azioni, senza conseguenze?<\/p>\r\n
Why didn’t you protect the daughter you swear to love with all your heart? Was it me? Was it something I said? Something I did? Something I didn’t do?<\/p>\r\n
I was almost 13 when you’re then third husband had his hands all over my ass, getting himself a feel, with the ugliest smile on his face.<\/p>\r\n
I can’t remember if that was before or after I found the underage pornography of young girls who resembled me on our home computer, that we all used.<\/p>\r\n
And all the while, not only was your husband interested in your 13-year-old daughter but so was the 18-year-old youth group leader of our church, who your husband adored and who you swore was, “The nicest and most responsible young man you’d met in far too long.”<\/p>\r\n
Every time he’d pick me up for youth group or other church outings and activities, he’d be sure to make some random stop, in some random hidden away place, to get a piece of your young daughter’s innocence and free spirit.<\/p>\r\n
During this time, I fell sick with an eating disorder, allowed my 4.0 GPA in school to fall significantly to a ridiculous 1.5 GPA, stopped involving myself in my extra-curricular interests\u2026<\/p>\r\n
For God’s sake, I cut my hair into \u2018dyke-spikes\u2019, wore all black clothing, piled on the dark make-up\u2026 hoping and praying that I would be too ugly to mess with any longer\u2026 that I would no longer be the object of their disgusting games.<\/p>\r\n
I guess they never got the memo, \u2018cause it continued. How many times was all of this brought to your attention? How many times did I beg you to let me stay home?<\/p>\r\n
![\"Cara](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/shutterstock_1339397624-49.jpg\")
<\/p>\r\n![\"Cara](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/shutt-7-683x1024.jpg\")
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