Let’s imagine the following scenario.<\/p>\n
Tornate a casa dopo una lunga giornata di lavoro, impazienti di vedere il vostro partner, e mentre voi siete al settimo cielo per le emozioni, lui \u00e8 sopraffatto e cerca di scappare in un'altra stanza il prima possibile.<\/p>\n
Si rimane con un senso di insoddisfazione e ci si chiede cosa si \u00e8 fatto di sbagliato, quindi si seguono, peggiorando ulteriormente la situazione.<\/b><\/p>\n
Vi suona familiare?<\/p>\n
S\u00ec? No?<\/p>\n
If your answer is yes, and it\u2019s happened more than once, I am sorry to inform you that you have been or maybe still are dancing the pursuer-distancer dance. What does that mean, you may ask?<\/p>\n
Ebbene, mentre voi cercavate attenzione e tempo di qualit\u00e0 insieme, il vostro partner cercava un po' di tempo da solo e di spazio per s\u00e9.<\/p>\n
Naturalmente, la situazione potrebbe essere inversa, e potresti essere tu a volere spazio<\/a>Ma in questo particolare scenario, voi eravate l'inseguitore e il vostro partner era il distanziatore.<\/p>\n Le relazioni romantiche dovrebbero essere incentrate sull'amore, la cura e il rispetto reciproco e quando si dice che si \u00e8 in una relazione, ci si dovrebbe sentire felici, senza alcuna pressione. Sembra facile, vero?<\/p>\n BUT \u2013 there\u2019s always a but \u2013 it\u2019s easier said than done. Why?<\/p>\n Perch\u00e9 ogni essere umano, per quanto simile a un altro, \u00e8 comunque un individuo e ha le proprie esigenze, la propria percezione del mondo e, in definitiva, la propria percezione di come dovrebbe essere una relazione.<\/p>\n In una relazione tra inseguitore e distanziatore, abbiamo due lati completamente opposti.<\/p>\n On one end, we have a pursuer who behaves in a way that requires her partner’s full devotion, and on the other, a distancing partner who requires alone time and isn\u2019t able to be devoted to his partner all the time.<\/p>\n Quindi, come riconoscere che si \u00e8 in una relazione di questo tipo e come farla funzionare in modo positivo?<\/p>\n Innanzitutto, vi \u00e8 mai capitato di sentire il vostro partner distante mentre voi vi sentite pi\u00f9 legati e condividete di pi\u00f9, anche se a prima vista sembra tutto a posto?<\/p>\n Oppure, avete sentito il bisogno di evadere e desiderate fermare tutto per un po'?<\/p>\n Se una di queste due situazioni vi ha colpito, temo che abbiate sperimentato questo tipo di relazione.<\/p>\n Pursuers seek communication, togetherness, and closeness. Their attachment style is quite anxious. Whenever something happens that triggers negative emotions, they’re quick to try and fix the situation.<\/p>\n D'altra parte, l'allontanamento il partner ha uno stile di attaccamento evitante<\/a> e beneficia della separazione.<\/p>\n \u200bSome people believe that there’s a basic gender difference recognized in the pursuer-distancer relationship where women tend to be the pursuers and men tend to be distant. Of course, this isn’t always the case.<\/p>\n People in these relationships usually follow a pattern that works like this: A pursuer believes they are the ones who care more and give more to the relationship, and the distance feels like they aren’t being appreciated enough.<\/b><\/p>\n The truth is, just because a pursuer has a different attachment style, it doesn’t mean they care more.<\/p>\n The distancer’s behavior doesn’t speak about their affection and love for their partner (or lack thereof), and that’s very important to remember if you plan on fixing things.<\/p>\n Come rompere la dinamica inseguitore-distanziatore? <\/span><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Per rompere la dinamica inseguitore-distanziatore, \u00e8 necessario il coinvolgimento di entrambi i partner in una relazione, altrimenti la relazione non finir\u00e0 bene.<\/p>\n Il motivo \u00e8 molto semplice. Se solo uno dei due partner si impegna e si sente il principale artefice della relazione, allora potrebbe sentire una mancanza di rispetto reciproco.<\/p>\n E a nessuno piace sentirsi non rispettato e trascurato.<\/p>\n With that being said, let’s check out what both sides can individually do to improve their relations and to stop the unending pursuer-distancer dance.<\/p>\n L'inseguitore dovrebbe:<\/b><\/em> <\/span><\/p>\n Whichever way of pursuing your partner is your style, you should stop it. If you’re constantly calling and texting them to make sure they’re in tune with your relationship, you should put an end to it.<\/p>\n If you’re trying to motivate them to approach your relationship the way you do \u2013 stop.<\/p>\n Your relationship style probably includes you trying to control your partner’s behavior as much as you can since you’re trying to stop them from making mistakes you expect them to make.<\/p>\n Whichever your pursuit style is, call it off. It’s not your job to handle everything in the relationship. The more you chase them, the more distant they become.<\/p>\n It’s your time to prendere le distanze<\/a>.<\/p>\n As a pursuer, you’re focused on your partner’s needs instead of your own. One of the most important things you should do in order to break your pattern of pursuing is to shift that focus.<\/p>\n Think about your own emotional needs. Focus on satisfying these instead of trying to fulfill your partner’s needs or pushing them into following the behavior that you believe to be caring, loving, and perceptive.<\/p>\n Non potete pretendere che il vostro partner soddisfi i vostri bisogni n\u00e9 investire tutto il vostro tempo e le vostre energie per soddisfare i suoi.<\/p>\n The distancing partner would appreciate relationship dynamics in which they don’t feel chased all the time. They are willing to respond to your requests, but you should strive to be softer in your approach.<\/p>\n You breathing down their neck to give you a response only pushes them further away because it’s too stressful for them \u2013 and they tend to flee situations that are too stressful.<\/p>\n If you learn to back off, they’ll feel more like they’re in an emotionally safe environment and will open up to you more freely.<\/p>\n They see themselves as self-reliant and respond best when they don’t feel pursued or pushed.<\/p>\n Quello che bisogna fare \u00e8 imparare a dare loro spazio e stop fearing you’ll lose them<\/a>.<\/p>\n Il distanziatore dovrebbe:<\/b><\/em> <\/span><\/p>\n Anche se pu\u00f2 essere difficile e richiede qualche sforzo in pi\u00f9, a volte \u00e8 sufficiente capire di cosa ha bisogno il partner e darglielo.<\/p>\n Il modo in cui il vostro partner si sente deve essere importante per voi se volete avere una relazione felice.<\/p>\n In fin dei conti, dovete rendervi conto che non siete soli nella relazione. Voi siete una met\u00e0, l'altra \u00e8 il vostro partner.<\/p>\n Quindi, per far funzionare il rapporto, non potete essere un libro chiuso e aspettarvi che loro indovinino sempre ci\u00f2 di cui avete bisogno e come vi sentite.<\/p>\n Parlate con il vostro partner e rassicuratelo che \u00e8 importante per voi, altrimenti potrebbe sentirsi un peso per voi.<\/p>\n You can’t expect your partner to always be the one who shows affection and think that\u2019s normal.<\/p>\n If you are stonewalling your partner while they are trying to be more close to you, and never initiating affection, you\u2019ll only succeed in making them believe you don’t love them and wonder why you\u2019re even with them.<\/p>\n So, if you want a normal, healthy relationship, you need to show to your partner that you care about them \u2013 and not only by telling them now and then, but actually proving it to them in your deeds.<\/p>\n An intimate relationship \u2013 whether it is a 2-month or a 10-year-long marriage \u2013 requires some quality time spent with your partner. It is one of the foundational ingredients of every relationship.<\/p>\n Significa che senza di essa, la vostra relazione \u00e8 semplicemente condannata al fallimento.<\/p>\n By spending time together, you learn about your partner \u2013 how they think, what they need \u2013 and hopefully you are also enjoying that time, otherwise the whole relationship is pointless.<\/p>\n Therefore, if you don’t want to feel suffocated by your partner’s attention and feel like they are sitting on your shoulders all the time, find the time to devote yourself completely to them, so they don’t feel neglected, and everything should be just fine.<\/p>\n Segnali di allarme della distanza in una relazione<\/em><\/strong> <\/span><\/p>\n Ogni relazione, indipendentemente dalla sua durata e dal suo affetto, a un certo punto arriva al punto in cui i partner si sentono distanti l'uno dall'altro.<\/p>\n A volte significa che basta cambiare alcune cose e tutto torner\u00e0 alla normalit\u00e0, ma pu\u00f2 anche essere un segno di qualcosa di molto pi\u00f9 grave, come la perdita dell'amore.<\/p>\n If you believe your relationship patterns are similar to the pursuer-distancer dynamic we’ve been describing, you might be wondering if there really is any distance between you and your partner.<\/p>\n Quali sono i segnali d'allarme a cui prestare attenzione?<\/p>\n Il mercoled\u00ec sera era sempre riservato a voi due? A volte era una serata folle, altre volte ci si accoccolava sul divano a guardare film, ma era il vostro.<\/p>\n Now all of a sudden, he has some other plans that don’t include you, and it happens over and over again without any logical explanation.<\/p>\n Or, for example, you used to drink your morning coffee together no matter what, and no way would you fall asleep without your goodnight kiss \u2013 that was your modello di relazione<\/b> fin dall'inizio.<\/p>\n But now he\u2019s in the habit of skipping those parts of the day for no reason. These little changes are actually quite big and can mean that something is off.<\/p>\n All'inizio della vostra relazione, eravate soliti trascorrere il tempo<\/b> together almost every day, and you were able to do it regardless of other obligations, but now you are more distant \u2013 not only mentally, but physically.<\/p>\n Of course, it is normal that these things happen. That\u2019s life and certain things are not possible to delay.<\/p>\n However, what\u2019s not normal is that you can see your partner is now not even trying to make time for you; you are the last “thing” on his list of priorities.<\/p>\n One of the biggest signs that something is out of order is your partner’s change of habits.<\/p>\n If he was the type of guy who used to stay at home during weekends, and now he wants to spend every weekend partying, you can see that he is trying to make some change and that the routine is not working for him anymore, especially if you aren\u2019t invited to those parties.<\/p>\n Inoltre, se notate che evita pi\u00f9 spesso le cose che erano normali per la vostra relazione e si discosta dal suo flusso regolare, c'\u00e8 sicuramente qualcosa di strano.<\/p>\n Quando le persone vogliono prendere le distanze da qualcuno<\/a>vogliono anche che i loro cari non abbiano alcun tipo di relazione con quella persona.<\/p>\n Quindi, se notate che il vostro partner non vi invita pi\u00f9 alle riunioni di famiglia o alle uscite con gli amici, mentre prima lo faceva, \u00e8 anche un segno che \u00e8 distante.<\/p>\n The reason behind this change most probably is that he doesn\u2019t feel the need to share every part of his life with you, and friends and family are the most intimate parts of his life.<\/p>\n Sono persone a cui tiene e che vuole al suo fianco.<\/p>\n Quando era tutto normale, e non c'erano distanza emotiva<\/b> between you, you could sit in the same room for hours without the need to make small talk, because you felt comfortable and it wasn\u2019t awkward.<\/p>\n However, if that is not the case anymore, and you don’t feel like you can be one hundred percent yourself around them \u2013 you feel as if you annoy your partner by your mere presence \u2013 then there is something wrong in your relationship.<\/p>\n This doesn’t have to mean that you don’t love each other anymore, but definitely that it\u2019s time to talk about what’s wrong and why you\u2019re feeling that way.<\/p>\n Immaginate la seguente situazione: Qualcuno vi chiede dove sia il vostro partner o con chi sia uscito e voi non ne avete letteralmente idea.<\/p>\n Okay, it can happen sometimes, but if you notice that it\u2019s become the norm for him not to tell you these things, then he is certainly pulling back.<\/p>\n He doesn’t feel the need to share the details of his day with you because he doesn\u2019t see you as someone who is close to him anymore.<\/p>\n Maybe he\u2019s sharing with his friends or family, and at some point, you\u2019ve become an extra in that equation.<\/p>\n Dopo ogni giornata folle al lavoro, in famiglia o con gli amici, il loro posto sicuro era con voi.<\/p>\n There wasn\u2019t a night in which you did not spend some tempo da soli<\/b> coccole, chiacchiere e condivisione di quei momenti speciali in cui ci si sentiva cos\u00ec vicini a loro.<\/p>\nHow to recognize you’re in a pursuer-distancer relationship<\/h2>\n
![\"donna](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-holding-mans-hand-1.jpg\")
<\/p>\nCosa fa un inseguitore?<\/h2>\n
![\"donna](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-hugging-man.jpg\")
<\/p>\n1. Annullare l'inseguimento<\/h2>\n
![\"donna](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-holding-mug.jpg\")
<\/p>\n2. Concentrarsi sulle proprie esigenze<\/h2>\n
![\"donna](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-sitting-near-seashore.jpg\")
<\/p>\n3. Smettere di insistere e dare spazio alle emozioni<\/h2>\n
![\"donna](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-sitting-on-armchair.jpg\")
<\/p>\n1. Sforzarsi di condividere i propri pensieri<\/h2>\n
![\"uomo](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/couple-sitting-on-dock-1.jpg\")
<\/p>\n2. Iniziare l'affetto pi\u00f9 spesso<\/h2>\n
![\"uomo](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/man-kissing-womans-neck.jpg\")
<\/p>\n3. Programmare un tempo di qualit\u00e0<\/h2>\n
![\"uomo](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/couple-holding-hands-2.jpg\")
<\/p>\n1. Non gli interessano pi\u00f9 i vostri piccoli rituali<\/h2>\n
![\"donna](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-drinking-coffee.jpg\")
<\/p>\n2. Passate meno tempo insieme<\/h2>\n
![\"donna](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-sitting-on-chair.jpg\")
<\/p>\n3. Cambiano le abitudini<\/h2>\n
![\"donna](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-sitting-on-couch.jpg\")
<\/p>\n4. Vi tengono separati dalla famiglia e dagli amici<\/h2>\n
![\"donna](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-sitting-on-kitchen-counter.jpg\")
<\/p>\n5. Vi sentite strani con loro<\/h2>\n
![\"donna](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-leaning-on-sofa.jpg\")
<\/p>\n6. They’re evasive<\/h2>\n
![\"donna](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-holding-on-window-blinds.jpg\")
<\/p>\n7. Si ritirano intimamente<\/h2>\n
![\"donna](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-sitting-on-couch-1.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
![\"donna](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-sitting-on-sofa.jpg\")
<\/p>\n![\"Riconoscere](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/Recognize-Break-The-Pursuer-Distancer-Pattern-In-A-Relationship-Pinterest.jpg\")
<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"