Have you ever been in a situation where you kept hoping that you could change a guy and make him become the man you needed him to be? Where you put all of your efforts into making him become different, but you failed?
This is exactly what happened to this girl, and this is what all of it taught her.
1. The way a man is now is the way he’ll always be
Before getting herself involved with this guy we are talking about, this girl didn’t know that people rarely change. Yes, it is possible to modify some things, but our essential personality traits always remain a part of us.
Being with a man she couldn’t change taught her that the way someone is when you are getting to know him is the way he will remain. Let’s face it–the honeymoon phase of a relationship is the period in which we all want to present ourselves in the best possible light. It is the period when everyone and especially men, do their best to impress their partners and to win them over.
However, if a man doesn’t treat you well right from the start, things won’t magically change with time. If he doesn’t act the way he should in the beginning, he won’t start doing it eventually.
2. Falling in love with someone’s potential is the biggest mistake you can make
Another thing this relationship taught her is to never fall in love in someone’s potential. You can’t build a healthy relationship on the expectations you have about someone and on all the could haves and maybes.
What you see is what you get. Yes, you can help someone become a better version of themself, but if you plan on remodeling him to fit your standards which he doesn’t fulfill now, think again.
Just because you hope that a man will change his ways doesn’t mean he will. Just because you have a vision of what your relationship might look like in the future, without any realistic foundation that your dreams might come true, doesn’t mean that things will turn out to be the way you want them to be.
3. You can’t change a man until he decides to do it for himself
No matter how much you love someone, you won’t change the essence of who they are. Your light cannot help someone who enjoys living in his darkness.
Yes, you might succeed in changing a man for a while. He might love you to the point where he is ready to do whatever it takes just to keep you by his side.
Nevertheless, something like this is never permanent. Sooner or later, this guy will have enough of pretending to be someone he is not and enough of adapting to you.
Sooner or later, he’ll show his true colors and parts of him you don’t like and can’t handle. And just like that, you’ll have wasted years of your life on being with someone you actually never knew for real.
4. Opposites attract but similarities last
When you first meet someone who is nowhere near you, they challenge you. This person is everything you are not, and it is completely natural for you to be intrigued by them.
They don’t say that opposites attract without a reason, right? However, what they forget to mention is that they rarely last.
And sadly, this girl had to learn this the hard way. It took her awhile to understand that it is important to find a man compatible with you in order for your relationship to last.
5. It isn’t your duty to fix people
One of the most important things this girl learned after being with a man whom she couldn’t change is that it is not anyone’s duty to repair someone who is broken. You are not a super woman who can fix someone if he doesn’t want to fixed.
Instead of wasting her energy on trying to chase this man’s demons away and on trying to fight his battles, she decided to focus on herself. Instead of trying to save the world, she decided to save herself.
6. If you can’t accept someone, walk away
The truth is that you can’t change anyone. But the bottom line is that you shouldn’t have the desire to do so in the first place.
When you are aware that you can’t change a situation, the only option you have is to embrace it. If that is something you can’t do, you have no other choice but to walk away from it.
The same goes with men and people in general. Don’t get me wrong–this doesn’t mean that you should settle for anyone who doesn’t make you happy or to lower your standards for some guy.
It just means that you have to decide whether you can accept someone for who they really are, with all of their flaws and imperfections, right from the start. However, if you decide that this person has some qualities you are not ready to put up with, walk away in time and save both of you a lot of trouble.
A teacher. A dreamer. A writer. A woman who’s been through all of the things you are going through. A woman who’s learned on her mistakes and whose advice you can trust. A woman who is trying to find her place under the stars. A woman just like you.