I never quite knew what I wanted. I never knew who I wanted to be. All my life, I had been captured somewhere between where I was and where I wanted to be.

Everything was blurry and unsafe. I never knew where my life would take me or if I wanted to go there.

This time last year, I had no idea who I was or what I wanted to be. I entered the new year confused and alone. But my state wasn’t a surprise. All those years before, I knew my life would look like that. I thought that my confusion was my regular state of being. I didn’t know any better.

Last year, I wanted to find out who I wanted to be. I wanted the right direction in my life. I was fed up being stuck in a fog without any clear vision toward the future.

So last year, I started decluttering my life. I let go of all the bad things in my life. I let go of the toxic people, people who were only holding me down. I said goodbye to jealous outbursts and late-night check-ups.

I simply decided I didn’t need control or manipulation in my life. I’d seen that I was tied up, unable to move forward or become better.

I decluttered the negative and opened up to positive stuff.

I realized that I was at the disposal of everyone except me. I was trying so hard to please all those around me but I’d completely ignored myself. And that is not supposed to happen. You can’t let that happen.

And here I am, another year, another new chapter to write. I can’t say that I’m completely happy but I can say that I’m on my way there. There are still consequences from my life before following me. You know, things can’t clear up in such a short time. You need to let time pass for new things and changes you’ve made to settle in.

I don’t know how long I’m going to feel like this for but I’m not surrendering. I want to be even better and happier and I know I will be. It’s just a matter of time and a lot of faith and patience.

I’m happier now. I have a man by my side who keeps me safe and loves me with all of his heart. He treats me like his treasure, like I’m something valuable he was lucky enough to find.
I don’t want to rub my ex’s nose in it. I just want him to know that I’m happier now. I hope he finds someone who treats him the same way because we clearly couldn’t work out, despite the fact we loved each other.

When I imagine all the things that are waiting for me, I couldn’t be happier. I’m not afraid of the change and I can’t wait to see what destiny has in store for me. It all looks so exciting and challenging.

I love my life. I love the fact that I’m happier and I’m not going to stop here.

Don’t throw your life away if you hit a bump in the road. It may seem that the problems are never going to end. It may seem that life keeps on getting worse and worse. But all of that is just a part of the journey. It’s something you have to go through and something you have to get out of.

Try to become the best version of yourself. Let go of the things that make you unhappy. Let go of the people who suck you dry. Aim higher and aim better. That is the only way you’ll become happier.

Challenge yourself more and more each day and you’ll grow, you’ll see.

Never compare yourself with others because you’ll set impossibly high standards which you can’t achieve and you’ll sink even lower.

Go step by step and only look at your life and what makes you happy. Others don’t matter. They may serve you as an inspiration, not as people to compare with.

It’s heartbreaking to let go of the people and things you care about. But if they are only pulling you back, then you have to do it. You have to cut them loose because of your well-being. Because of your happiness.

In 2019, I'm Choosing Happiness