If you are claiming that you’ve never caught yourself lurking through your ex’s Instagram page and other social networks, you are probably not telling the truth. Because let’s face it—we’ve all done it at one point or another.
Maybe you are just curious or you want to see what he’s been up to. Or you want to check out if he is dating someone new. It is possible that you are looking for clues about your past relationship on his page—whether he deleted all of your pictures together or if he posts some songs or quotes dedicated to you.
Whatever the reason, one thing is for sure—stalking your ex’s Instagram will lead you nowhere. To be precise, it will only lead you to another heartbreak, as if the first one wasn’t enough. But there is one crucial difference—the last time, this guy broke your heart and this time, you are doing it all by yourself.
Don’t see this as a personal attack or as me judging you because I was you and everything I am about to tell you will be from personal experience.
When my ex left me, it took me a while to recover. And while I was in the process of fixing myself and gluing my broken heart back together, I was determined to cut all ties with him because I knew it was the only way for me to really get over him and move on with my life.
This no contact policy included me not checking his social accounts and not trying to find out where or with whom he’d been hanging out. Surprisingly, I was really following my own rules and I wasn’t doing any of these things.
Then, after a few months, I was finally starting to feel better. He was no longer the first person I thought of as soon as I opened my eyes in the morning, nor the last thought that went through my head before I fell asleep.
I’d stopped waiting for him to call me and hearing his name didn’t make my heart bleed anymore. It seemed like my life was getting back on track and I couldn’t be happier about it.
And then, one day, I heard this voice in the back of my head. “Check his Instagram page,” the voice whispered. “What could possibly go wrong? You are over him and you just want to see what he’s been up to.”
I ignored the voice. But it got louder and louder. “Aren’t you interested in what is going on with him? Come on, it’s only one click away. And the best part is that he’ll never know that you looked him up.”
I saw this as a test of my feelings. I was certain that this man couldn’t bother me anymore and I was sure of my strength. After all, I’d managed to go months without contacting him in any way and I was sure my broken heart was completely healed by then.
So, I typed his name. And there it was—his picture with another girl. There it was, his friends who used to be our friends had liked and commented on the picture.
There it was—my heart shattered in pieces all over again. Suddenly, I forgot all about the part where I was over him. I forgot about all the time that had passed since we broke up.
Suddenly, it felt like he had just left me. I was at day one and all of the shadows of my past had come running back to me.
After some time, I got back on my feet. And when I finally did, I couldn’t help but wonder: “Why did I do it? Why did I have the need to tackle my own pain? Why did I have the urge to deepen my wounds and to dig through my scars?”
And this is exactly what you are doing every time you stalk your ex’s social media. Every time you search through his followers and every time you see a picture of him with someone new.
You are re-experiencing all the pain you are about to leave behind and you are going through the things you’ve already gone through. Every time you do this, you take a step back and you are not allowing your heart to heal.
You are not letting go the way you should. You are breaking your own heart all over again. And that is something that can be avoided.
So please, stop it right away. Stop holding on to the past and enjoy the present. Because your life is too beautiful and you are too precious to allow something like this to shake your world.