I never actually thought that you were going to be the kind of man to do this. I always thought of you as of a gentleman, someone who appreciates a woman and doesn’t let her feel pain because he’s there for her. Now I see that I couldn’t have been more wrong about you.
There was never anything wrong in our relationship. We had little fights that would always resolve into kisses and hugs. We had those long nights of talking about the meaning of life and the meaning of us. The way I always went through the memories of the beginning of the relationship and how it made me smile, really made me think that we were going to have a ‘happily ever after‘.
But no. You chose another woman.
Like a hurricane it hit me and it tore me into little pieces when I saw the man of my dreams and my ‘happy ever after’ in the arms of another woman. I blamed her and you and myself, always thinking that you will come back to me one day, begging me to take you back and I will proudly walk away. Until this day, it hurts me like hell to know that somehow someone was way better for you than I was.
After a long time of mourning in despair, I have realised that freeing myself from all of this means moving on and becoming happy again. The steps I took towards freedom were heartbreaking, but I survived and now I am finally free.
I have freed myself from ‘not being good enough’. Thinking that the reason you chose another woman because I wasn’t good enough broke my heart each and every day. But was it really my fault? No. You were the one who wasn’t able to see my worth and you were the one who wasn’t able to stay. There was nothing that said I wasn’t good enough and that I wasn’t worthy of you.
I have freed myself from all the bad thoughts. I was poisonous to my own mind and body by constantly replaying the day you left me in my mind and always considering that you are way happier now than you ever were with me. These thoughts drained me and they couldn’t allow me to live my life fully because I was always stuck in my head with you and her.
I have freed myself from the misery. I am no longer a slave of my own thoughts. I am no longer a slave of the past. The misery that led me to stay in my bed for days is now completely gone. I am freed and I am stronger than ever.
I have freed myself of the memories. You know me and that I was way too bound to my memories, but I am finally free. I would be lying if I told you that I didn’t think of you from time to time, but that doesn’t mean I go through all those confusing feelings anymore. I am simply aware that you were in my life and now you’re not. I let it go.
I have freed myself from the emotions. They sucked me in and drained all the energy I had. Thinking that you left because I wasn’t what you wanted made me feel worthless and unlovable. It made me feel hopeless and lonely. Those emotions overwhelmed me far too often, but I am finally free of them.
I have freed myself from you. Even though I thought I never had to. I have freed myself from all those thoughts and emotions that were telling me that I would never be happy with someone unless it’s you. I wanted you by my side more than anything. I wanted you to choose me. I am glad I didn’t say anything at that time and I am even more glad that I am over it now.
I am free. Free of the pain that you caused me, free of the words you told me and free of the thought that I was not good enough.