Breakups suck! Period. You are left with a bunch of emotions you don’t know what to do with and everyone thinks you should act all happy because you are starting a new chapter of your life.

It sounds easy but it is not like that in practice. No matter if you were left or you were the one who left your partner, it will be hard for you to get your old life back. And it will be much harder for you to do that if you were in a long-term relationship because relationships like that are like an addiction. You spend time with one man and you slowly pick his habits, so when you are left alone, you don’t know what to do and how to act. You feel totally lost and disoriented because there isn’t him anymore to help you decide about certain things and you’ve totally forgotten how to behave when you are single.

The thing that bothers you the most is your independence because you somehow lost it somewhere along the road while you were in that romantic relationship. And now you want it back, but you don’t know how to regain it.

If you can recognize yourself in these lines and if you are trying to find an answer to this question, I suggest you read further. Here are some of the things you can do to help yourself get back on your feet again and get your old life back.

1. Stick to the no contact rule

If you want to heal, you need to stay away from the thing that causes you problems and hurts you constantly. In this case, that is your ex. You can’t keep contacting him and expect that something will change. You can’t do that and think that you will heal because you won’t. You need to understand that you should stick to the no contact rule in order to recover from him and from your relationship. In this way, you will be left on your own and you will learn how to fight for yourself without his help. You will see that you can make things work even if you are on your own and that you really don’t need him to complete you.

2. Cry it all out

Remember to get all of your toxicity out. And the best way to do that is by crying. I know that there are things that can make you feel sad, so cry your eyes out and don’t be ashamed of that. It is normal to feel this way because you’ve just lost your significant one and you are allowed to cry as much as you want. Once you go through all the situations in your head and you cry over everything that bothers you, you will feel much better. You will finally realize that you can be the old you again—strong, independent and badass and that you don’t need a man to make you happy.

3. Change your outlook on life

If you continue doing the same things, you won’t make any changes. That’s why you should change your perspectives and start doing things differently. Get rid of your old bad habits and start living a life you will be proud of. You can start exercising and watching what you eat. In that way, you will feel better because you are doing something good for you. You will recapture your independence because you will be able to handle all your life problems alone, without any help.

4. Focus on your career

If you focus on something else besides your past relationship, it will be easier to get over it. You will think less of your ex and things that hurt you. You can start working on a new project or try to improve yourself at work by bringing some new and inspiring ideas. In that way, you will feel useful and you will get your confidence and independence back. You will realize that you can live pretty well on your own and that you actually didn’t lose your independence—it just got hidden somewhere—and now you’ve brought it back.

5. Talk to people

I know that after a breakup you will be miserable and that you will blame yourself for everything. And I also know that you will think about how to gain your confidence and your self-esteem now that you are alone. You will think that there is a problem in you, but you should know that there isn’t. Unless you are a narcissistic, manipulative or toxic person, the problem isn’t—and wasn’t—in you. So nothing should stop you from meeting new people and talking to them. Maybe you can find someone having the same interests as you and you might even click. This will be a huge confidence boost and you will start feeling independent again.

6. Follow your dreams

When I think more clearly I realize that our dreams are what keep us alive. If we didn’t have them, we wouldn’t know what our goals were and we would stagnate the whole time. So, if you neglected your dreams while you were in a relationship, now is the time to start chasing them again. It is time to bring your independence back and to show yourself and everyone that you are capable of doinging the big things alone.

7. Fall in love

When you lose your independence after a breakup, the best way is to heal and then meet someone new. I know that things like that don’t happen overnight, but give yourself enough time and learn to love yourself. When you meet a man who will be all that you have been looking for, your self-esteem and your independence will be back to you and you will see that your last heartbreak just transformed you into the person you were supposed to be, to be able to handle big things.

Christine Keller
Hi guys! I am Christine and I started writing just as a hobby but in the end, I realized it is something that fulfills me. I write about things that might help others and I enjoy every time when people find my articles helpful.