I knew that our end was inevitable. You are not the man I fell in love with. But I still can’t process in my mind that you changed so much. You transformed into a person I no longer recognize.
It truly is the worst when you get everything from someone and then in a split second, it’s all gone. In one moment you go from being the richest person alive to being a homeless bump.
At least that’s how I felt. I felt so rich in emotions, so intoxicated with your love, affection and attention. I couldn’t believe all I am getting now are just crumbs of what we once shared. Small crumbs I have to beg for.
You got so caught up in yourself that you had no room for me left. You only took care of your needs. You were always too busy to spend time with me. A day would pass without a text—sometimes even a few days. It wasn’t like you to behave that way.
I had to beg you to find time for me. The more I begged, the less you were there. You would remember me only when it would be convenient for you to do so. When you had nothing better to do or when you would miss my bed. Cause I always knew that that was what you were missing—it was never about me.
For me, it was all about you. I always put you and your needs first. Whatever happened, no matter how much you neglected me, no matter how many times I came last, I would find excuses for you without you even having to come up with them yourself.
Until I couldn’t anymore.
Your behavior towards me was getting worse, too. We spent all our time fighting. You would call me all sorts of awful names. Those happy days were long gone. I had nothing to hold on to anymore. Being with you made me feel so alone—even on those rare nights, you would sleep right beside me. I would spend my days crying and thinking. ”How the hell did we get to this point?”.
All the goodness and beauty I used to see before in you wasn’t there anymore. All that was left was some nasty stranger that looked a lot like the love of my life.
That’s why I am done. I am done trying. I am done waiting for a miracle and hoping things will change. They won’t change because they haven’t so far. I gave you so many chances and you threw away every last one of them.
I am done because I don’t matter to you. You don’t care. At least not anymore. And I am done being satisfied with crumbs. I had more. I deserve more.
I am done because I can’t beg you to be here. I can’t beg you to dedicate a small portion of your time to me. You have no idea how painful it was for me to seek charity from someone who has given me everything freely. Everything I no longer have and miss.
I am still not OK. I still miss us. The way we used to be. It’s been a long time since we lost that. I miss the person you were before. I miss you but you are not here anymore. The real you is dead and gone. I miss the future we should have had together. I still don’t know how but I will manage to get over what could have been.