I Loved You Although I Knew We Never Stood A Chance
I knew that we weren’t going to last. I knew that our love had an expiration date. And sometimes, love is that cruel. It keeps you hooked even when you know it’s not going to happen.
I couldn’t shake off that pain of knowing that someday soon, we’ll go our separate ways, and I loved you so much. It hurt me so deeply because I knew it was coming. I knew it’s going to happen.
Although I knew it, I wasn’t able to resist him. He was still everything to me. I talked to him late into the night. I shivered after every kiss on the cheek. I still shared secrets with him although I knew the whole time that our time is running out.
How I wished for the clock to stop. How I prayed to God to turn seconds into minutes, just to be with him a bit longer.
I was your forever friend. I kept listening to your stories of the wild nights out, of picking up girls. I stood there, and I listened with a huge smile on my face. I wasn’t faking interest. I wanted you to tell me more.
But on the inside, I was dying. My heart was wrapped up in barbed wire, slowly bleeding. Your every next girlfriend, your every next crush pulled that wire a bit, and my heart hurt and bled even more.
I went through all of that with a big smile even though my eyes were crying.
When you needed a shoulder to cry on, I was there for you. It killed me to see you sad. When you needed someone to talk to, I was there for you. When you wanted to introduce me to your girlfriends, I shook their hands. I was polite, but inside I was so envious.
Sometimes, there was just no room for me in your life. Sometimes you had to move on without me. I get that, but you never knew that every time you left me behind broke my heart. But how could you know that? I was always just a friend.
You would come back to me but only because you chose to. I was completely powerless. All I could do was wait for you to come back.
And the craziest part is, that after you broke my heart by leaving, I would burst with happiness seeing you come back. I would forget all the pain and the state in which I was in every time you chose to come back.
I would do anything you asked me to. I even put you before myself and my best friends. I know it’s wrong, but that is how much I loved you.
You could ask anything of me and nothing would be hard for me to do. That is the best kind of love. Only too bad that you never felt the same because if you had, we would be the happiest people alive.
Imagine, you loving me more than anyone else and me loving you more than anyone else. Our love would be everlasting.
But that is not how our story went. That is not what was supposed to happen, and I knew this all along.
I tried to be the best version of myself. I tried to make you like me even more. That is how much I loved you. But that wasn’t enough.
I knew that you could easily break my heart and destroy me to the bone, but I was willing to take that risk. I was willing to trade it all just to make you feel better, to talk to you, to be there for you.
How is that even possible? How can someone do so much for just one person?
But you knew that you could ask me anything, and I would do it. You knew that I was always there for you. Maybe you didn’t know why, maybe you didn’t see that I loved you with all of my heart, but you knew I was always there.
And even if you knew I loved you, there was nothing you could do. To cut me out of your life would be a cruel thing to do. To tell me you love me and lie to my face even worse. I know you would love me if you could, but we were simply not meant to be.
I know I will always have a special place in your heart because I know you can never forget someone who was there for you through thick and thin; who held you when you couldn’t get up; who listened to you when you needed to get everything off your chest.
I’m gone now because I’ve only been hurting myself this whole time, and I never got anything. But that’s okay. I always knew I wouldn’t.
It’s just that there is no point in doing this anymore. You should know that. You should have let me go a long time ago. I know I said it would break my heart, but it would sure as hell have hurt less than what I’m going through now.
Only I’m begging you, this time, please don’t come back.
Respect me enough to leave me be.
Let me heal and mend my broken heart.
Let me forget you.