2018 taught me a lot. It taught me to believe in people. It taught me never to hide my vulnerability. It taught me to love with all of my heart.
But 2018 hasn’t made it an easy ride. Along with teaching me a lot of positive things, it also taught me not to let people into my heart that easily. It taught me not to give my trust to every person I meet.
You see, people are not all the same. It’s not in everyone’s interest to be your friend, to do you good. Not everyone wants a relationship, not everyone can commit. I’ve learned that the hard way.
This year, this beautiful 2019, I’m going to be careful to whom I give my heart. I’m going to keep it to myself up until the moment I’m absolutely sure that person doesn’t want to hurt me.
I won’t let you hurt me this year. I won’t let you lie your way back into my life. I won’t let you break my heart so many more times. You’ve done that already. There is no more place for you in my life or my heart.
I won’t let you treat me like a piece of shit. I won’t let you make me feel like I’m the lousiest person on this planet. I won’t let you get the chance to blow me off when I need someone to talk to. I won’t let you pretend you want to commit, but when things get serious, you bail and walk away. You break my heart once again.
I won’t let myself be the only one who cares and loves in 2019. I’m sick and tired of giving everything and getting nothing in return. I’m shutting people like you out of my life for good. I’m putting up walls so high that only the ones who really want to will get to me.
My heart is closed for losers like you. You are out! For good!
People who don’t care for me don’t have to even try to get close to me. I won’t be that nice little naive girl who is afraid to say ‘no’. I’ve learned my lesson. I won’t be granting everybody’s wishes, thus ignoring my own and putting myself last.
2018 taught me to appreciate myself more. Now I’ve found my peace. I have everything I need. I won’t be coming back to you and giving you another chance to break me.
This magnifically disastrous year made me strong. It punched me so many times. It kicked me when I was down. But I looked up and I shouted: “Is that all you have? Come on, kick even harder because I have nothing more to lose!”
That’s when I won. That is when I found the strength that was hiding under the frightened little exterior. It all happened the moment I didn’t care about anything any more. I hit the bottom, and there was nowhere else to go from there but up.
This year did the impossible. This year broke me like a twig. But if it weren’t for this, I wouldn’t have changed. I wouldn’t have found happiness in my life. I would still be depending on someone else. I would still be begging to be loved and asking for the attention I know I deserve.
If it weren’t for this year, I would still think that happiness comes from relationships.
I won’t let anyone break my heart in 2019. But I’m not going to close inside. I’m still going to be here, waiting for true love because I know it exists. I wasn’t lucky enough to find it, but it’s there. I know it is.
Life gives you lessons, life beats you to the ground. I get it. I know it all happens for a reason. If you hadn’t broken my heart so hard this time, I would have let you break it so many times more. We would go in circles—you hurting me, and me leaving you. And my life would pass by in constant pain mixed with bits of happiness.
No, this year I’m not going to let you break my heart once again.