It’s like there is a constant battle inside of me between what I know and what I feel. These two streams pull me into two separate directions. I want my mind to prevail but I know my heart can’t be trusted. It seems useless to fight the feelings but I am trying.
When you first came into my life it was like you moved the ground underneath my feet. I had never felt like that before. It’s not just the way you looked, it was that feeling I got every time I saw you. That feeling of mutual chemistry that just can’t be described.
I guess deep down I knew you weren’t here to stay. Even though you acted like I was yours, you would always slightly hint it wasn’t forever. We never made any long-term plans; we were always moving slowly, day by day.
I didn’t mind. I loved to spend time with you -as much time as you would give me. I could hold onto one night for days sometimes, even for weeks. A moment with you meant more to me than a lifetime with somebody else.
I knew deep down that this intoxicating feeling wouldn’t bring me anything good, but I decided to disregard my intuition and enjoy it while it lasted. Even if I knew in advance that everything was going to end up in tears and immense pain, I would have done it anyways. Some people are worth it. Some moments are worth it.
I just wanted you in every sense of the word. I wanted to watch you sleep beside me so peaceful and sweet. I wanted our conversations and our moments of silence. I wanted all your strengths and weaknesses. I wanted all of you, the whole package. I wanted it all and in the end, all I got were fractions of you, of your love.
We didn’t last, but that doesn’t mean it was meaningless. It meant more than anything in this world to me. That’s why I had such a difficult time letting you go, even though you were the one who left me.
I should have been mad, I should have cursed the day I met you, but I didn’t. I was glad I’d had you. I was sad you left. I know I will treasure all of our moments forever.
I realized I would never get what I needed from you. I couldn’t make you love me the way I love you.
As much as it hurts me, I realized we were just never meant to be. That you were just someone temporary in my life. Someone temporary who will have a piece of me forever.