This is a letter to and about the girl who’s too good at goodbyes. This is a letter for that girl who’s said goodbye one too many times.
So many times people took a piece of my heart on their way out of my life. So many people have left without ever looking back.
So many people said goodbye without even thinking what would happen to me once they left. People I had in my life put themselves as the priority and they’d go wherever the road took them, leaving those who care behind. But I was never one of those people.
I was the one who always gave her best to people. I was always the one to love more than others, to care more than others, and to take care of others no matter what happened to me. I welcomed people in my life, knowing that they’d take a piece of my heart on their way out.
I’m used to being on my own. My poker face at goodbyes is too good to be true. And yet nobody tries enough to see through it.
When my dad left, I never let my mom see me break. I never showed her how much he broke my heart and how much it hurt to see the man who should care for me the most in this world walking through the door with his back turned to me.
When my best friend moved away, I never showed anybody how much it hurt. I never told anybody how lonely I was or how much it killed me to see us growing apart.
When the guy I loved the most decided we didn’t have anything more in common, I watched him leave as well. I watched him walk out of my life and I bottled my feelings up. I’ve been the participant of many goodbyes and I’ve already accepted that God decided that my future will be filled with plenty more of those.
You could think that I’m used to goodbyes by now. My mom would always say that I had too soft a heart, and as a girl who has a soft heart, getting used to goodbyes is never easy.
I’m not used to being tough. You might think I’m handling it well, but there is another side to the story. On the inside, my poker face doesn’t shield me. On the inside, waves of overwhelming emotions are hitting my shores, storms are running wild in my heart, and my insecurities have been invading my thoughts for a long time now.
I’m not saying this to get your pity. I’m saying all this because I want you to know that I am pretty aware of how it feels to be good at goodbyes.
I know how it feels because I’ve been there one too many times. I’ve been strong in front of people just so I could come to my bed and fall into pieces when nobody is watching. And in the morning I’d collect myself and I’d hold myself together till the next breakdown.
I know that when you say goodbye to people you love, when you see them off, you do it with such dignity, never letting anybody see how much you’re hurting.
See Also: How To Find The Good In Goodbye
To some, you might even seem heartless. You seem fine. You seem like you’re not touched by others’ departures. But I know better.
I know you’re afraid. I know your whole world is falling apart and each person who leaves is pulling one more brick out of your wall. Each person who leaves makes your foundation shakier.
I know you keep welcoming people in your life, hoping somebody might stay. Whenever you meet somebody new, kind and warm, you think this is the person who will stay. This is your soulmate and all the other losses haven’t been in vain.
And the truth is, you’re right. Because, even though plenty of them left, even though plenty of them broke a piece of you, there will be the one who will show you what you’ve been through wasn’t in vain. There will be somebody who will make you thank God for all those people who have walked away because you’ll see that God was sparing somebody special for you.
You might be losing faith at this point and you’ve probably had too much by now and you’ve thought about giving up so many times, but don’t. Because if you give up now, you’ll deny yourself a reward for all those goodbyes. You’ll miss out the good that you’re entitled to and I’d hate to see that happen.
Because now you deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved and you deserve to be taken care of for once. You deserve somebody who’ll stay and that somebody is on his way. Just have faith and hold on. Because all the wait and all that you’ve been through, will be worth it.
Remember, I’ve been in your shoes, but you haven’t gotten where I am yet. Trust me when I say, there is something greater waiting for you.
See Also: A Goodbye To My Almost Lover