What is sexual tension exactly?
It’s an undeniable sexual desire between two people who for some reason can’t act on it, so intercourse gets postponed or it doesn‘t happen at all.
This phenomenon usually occurs between people who are friends, coworkers or ex-lovers and for some reason they assume that having sex might complicate the situation they are in.
Basically, when sexual tension is in question, sex doesn‘t happen but it’s in the air all the time.
What sexual tension looks like when you are experiencing it
When you see him, your heart skips a beat, the butterflies in your stomach go wild and you can almost see the signs of sexual attraction streaming through the air like some unstoppable force.
For the first time, you know that the chemistry is real and strong but you are unable to act on it.
There are reasons for being so restrained, of course. Who in their right mind would agree to be in platonic relations with somebody they are so attracted to?
You feel that sex drive overload every time you engage in eye contact. You would so gladly captivate him in your room for a long, long time and let your imagination run wild.
But you are probably friends and are afraid it will ruin your friendship if nothing comes of it.
Maybe you are both scared to say it aloud, you have the same group of friends and you don’t want to make things awkward.
You also might be co-workers and your work ethics don’t allow you to date.
It can be one of a number of reasons but the bottom line is the same—something is preventing you from entering into a relationship with them, both sexual and emotional, and there is nothing you can do about it.
So you keep the object of your desire at arm’s length and hope for a miracle. You hope that one day your most hidden desires will come true. That something will change.
It actually might change one day but for now, you are just enjoying that sexual chemistry between you two.
To make things a bit more clear than they already are, these are the signs of sexual tension you might be experiencing:
1. Eye contact says it all
At some point, you glanced in each other’s eyes and somehow that glance turned into a long, captivating stare.
Something clicked and you could feel lust consuming your entire body and it’s not awkward when you lock eyes.
You have no perception of time but you know it takes longer than normal. The best thing about it is that neither of you ever feels the slightest bit uncomfortable.
If anything, you feel more connected; the signs of sexual tension are getting stronger by the minute.
2. You love to flirt with each other
No matter the topic, sexual connotations are always somewhere underneath everything.
Even in situations where you never before imagined there might be anything slightly sexual, you are discovering it now.
Sometimes you even think you could take it down a notch but you find yourself unable to stop. Even when you don’t want to, something naughty comes out of your mouth.
Flirting is your language now and it’s the best one you ever learned.
3. You light up every time you two are texting
You don’t just share sexual chemistry, the textual one is also strong. You can text for long periods of time without getting bored.
You text and flirt simultaneously and the conversation just flows. There are times you feel like you are on your first date or hanging out in person, your face blushes and your heart pounds like crazy.
If your conversation flips to sexting and you get that tingling sensation in your private areas then there’s a lot of sexual tension coming your way and there is no doubt about it.
4. Innocent touches that drive you crazy
You just want them close to you that it’s almost impossible to stay away.
So, you make the best of what you have; your handshakes and hugs last a bit longer than they are supposed to and you feel your body responding to them with vibes so electric that you know they feel them too.
You sit next to them at lunch, you rub against them in the elevator, anything for that feeling of closeness and that’s all you can do at this point.
It feels like you are with your high school crush. Still, any form of physical contact is welcome and you play along.
It’s not awkward because they do the same when they are around you. The sexual attraction is undeniable.
5. Undressing them in your mind
When you have the opportunity to check each other out, you do it because it comes impulsively to both of you.
Your eyes are stuck in all the strategic locations like lips, breasts, crotch or butt and you both find yourselves unable to walk away.
Sexual tensions that are produced from these stirrings can make you picture the entire scene in your mind.
6. You want to look your best
When you’re around someone whom you find sexually attractive, you have this innate urge to impress them.
That’s why you can become very conscious of your own body and appearance, even if that is something you never thought about too much before.
You may catch yourself thinking the night before about how to dress for work tomorrow. You want to show off your sex appeal in a subtle but still obvious way.
You have no intention of looking trashy or easy. You dress to impress with hopes to undress.
7. You can’t help but smile
There is simply something about them that draws your smile out every time you see them or even think of them. If you engage in conversation, you might even start to giggle or laugh excessively.
That’s natural when you simply like somebody, let alone when you feel that strongly about the person.
It’s the buildup of suspense and desire inside of you that’s making your cheeks red and your smile radiant.
It’s hard for your face not to look that way when your mind just keeps on undressing them.
8. Your mind wanders off
No matter how serious the task in hand is right now, you can’t prevent your thoughts from wandering off to the object of your tension.
You are easily distracted. You are physically present but your thoughts are not.
You keep playing different scenarios in your mind of what you would do to the object of your tension if the opportunity were to present itself.
In those moments, it feels as if all the obstacles standing in your way of being with them have magically disappeared.
9. Lingering on
No matter the situation you are in with that object of your tension, whether social, work or something different, you find yourself making excuses to stay around a little longer than you normally would.
You have no problem doing things that you are not so into just to spend time being close to them.
You know that they can do with just one gaze something that somebody else could never pull off even if they had you in their arms.
10. Body language
You constantly lean toward each other when you speak. You always reach out and lightly touch each other when there’s no obvious reason to do so.
You take deep breaths when you are near. He touches your arm or tucks your hair behind your ear.
You both do these things subconsciously. Body language speaks when your words are unable to.
11. They have a leading role in your fantasies
Thinking about them when you are all alone and helping yourself relieve all that tension you have surrounding you (read: masturbate) is really like nothing experienced before.
All that tension and flirting triggered your imagination and when you are all by yourself it’s only natural that your imagination runs wild.
12. Perfect chemical match
Sometimes the person you are into isn’t even your type to begin with. You never dated somebody who fits their profile but there is some kind of undeniable chemistry that is pulling you toward him.
It’s something you never felt before. It’s not about his looks or his behavior and you can’t single out just one thing you like—it’s more about like the whole package.
It’s about the intensity of those unspoken feelings you believe you both share.
13. Harmless electric shocks
Electricity is running through your veins every time you lock eyes or brush against each other while crossing paths.
Goosebumps start circulating your body and they take control over your system. You can’t shake them off.
The vibe of attraction between you is undeniable and it makes you think about the other person (preferably without their clothes on) as much as you can.
14. It gets harder and harder to resist
You are literally fighting with yourself. You are pretending you are cool while trying to settle a fire that your desires created.
You do your best to think with your brain and leave your cravings aside but they are too powerful.
You struggle and do your best to conceal your thoughts. You are even a bit scared that everything will get out in the open.
If you notice that you are trying too hard, you are already head over heels for them and beyond help.
15. You can feel it in the air
While reading through these signs, you probably noticed that sexual tension has a language of its own, a language that has no words, one you simply have to feel.
That’s why you don’t need to be in close proximity or even talk directly to your potential significant other to understand each other.
Your eye contact, body movements and that vibe you get when you are in the same room with him or the butterflies in your stomach while you are texting are more than enough.
So, feel it and enjoy those moments.
16. People often mistake you for a couple
People in your surroundings notice that something fishy is going on.
They notice that you spend a lot of time together, that you share glances and smiles and wonder if there is a new relationship on the horizon.
When you say you are just friends or coworkers they aren‘t buying it, they assume you are together and keeping it a secret.
Even perfect strangers might mistake you for a couple as the magnetism you share is evident to anyone who spends any time in your close proximity.
17. Your voice is your telltale sign
Even if you try to hide your feelings, your voice subconsciously changes. It’s the ultimate giveaway of two people who are into each other.
Sexual attraction and tension change people’s vocals. The male voice becomes deeper and more masculine and the female voice becomes softer, gentler and even a bit raspy.
The best way to test this is to observe by listening closely to how he speaks when he is around his friends and how he speaks when there are just the two of you.
Your voices are the ultimate weapons to turn on one another.
Accents have the natural upper hand in these situations. If someone has a sexy foreign accent, sparks inevitably fly in all directions.
18. Both of you tend to get jealous at certain times
Too much jealousy is an awful thing that can easily turn toxic.
But when it’s a normal amount, jealousy can be a good thing, especially in situations like this when you are unclear where you stand.
Have you noticed how their mood shifts when you mention someone else, how they say something mean about your coworker just to check your response?
It seems low, right? But they can’t help themselves because they are scared that someone will steal you away.
If you confront them, they will argue that they are curious. The truth is they feel threatened by anyone who is close to you because they feel like someone is invading their space.
19. Your current ‘relationship’ with them is not forced
This is one of the most important parts. Above everything, it’s important that the situation you are in doesn‘t feel forced.
If you really have chemistry, you won’t feel pressured to make everything perfect, you will be relaxed and true to yourself.
You will be more you when you are with them, which will contribute to the flow of your conversations and texts. Words will just pour out of you both.
You will feel overwhelmed when you are not with them and rewind the conversations in your head or review texts to make sure you haven’t said anything wrong.
Don’t worry, you couldn‘t say anything wrong even if you tried because being you is what he is looking for if your emotional and sexual chemistry are real.
20. Still, there are days where you can’t stand them
Where there’s sexual tension, there are other tensions as well. Most of them are a product of all the unfulfilled and repressed desires you both have.
There will be days in which they will get on your every nerve. Usually, it will have something to do with them teasing, being sarcastic or trying to make you jealous on purpose.
All in all, it’s a good sign; if you had no feelings, you would be indifferent.
Sexual tension isn’t something you can miss easily but these signs can help you if you are unsure if the other person feels the same. It takes you no effort to spot if you simply feel it.
It’s something that you can usually just feel without having to examine the situation too closely.
However, some people are harder to read than others and some situations are more complex than others.
Here’s a valuable piece of dating advice you can use in this situation:
Wherever your passion leads you, just make sure that it is mutual and that you want the same things. Everything has to be mutual, otherwise it’s useless.
Furthermore, sharing sexual tensions doesn‘t mean you are ready to take things to the next level. You have to make sure you are mentally and emotionally compatible; chemistry is just part of the picture.
Relationships take time and efforts to simply begin with. They should be built, not jumped into. The truth is if you rush things you are more likely to break up eventually.
If there’s nothing stronger than your mutual attraction to hold you two together, no matter how strong, after the honeymoon phase is over, your new relationship is over too.
Think about if calming down your sexual tensions and kicking it down a notch you will have better results than you hoped for.