The man you are with doesn’t deserve you. He doesn’t treat you right and he doesn’t love you the way he should.
He might be cheating on you. Or he doesn’t put any effort into your relationship. It is possible that he is taking you for granted and that he doesn’t appreciate any of your sacrifices.
He might be a narcissistic manipulator who is ruining your life. A toxic man who always puts all the blame on you, without ever taking any responsibility for his actions.
Either way, the point is that this man is constantly breaking your heart and that he is doing his best to break you completely. You are constantly feeling bad about yourself, questioning your own worth and wondering why you can’t be enough for this man. The point is that you feel miserable next to him.
And this is not how the right man should make you feel. And it is definitely not what a happy relationship should look like.
But that is not even the worst part. What is even worse is that you are completely aware of all of this. Deep down, you know very well where you stand, even when you refuse to admit it to anyone, including yourself.
But instead of walking away from this guy and saving yourself, you continue this charade by staying by his side. Instead of leaving him and seeing him for who he really is, you keep on justifying his actions, hoping that things between the two of you will eventually be better.
Well, let me tell you one thing that you probably don’t want to hear—they won’t. He’ll never become the man you need him to be and he’ll never love you the way you need to be loved.
Instead, he’ll always remain the insensitive jerk he is now. He’ll treat you the way he’s been treating you all this time, as long as you let him do so.
So, please, get your shit together and stop justifying him. Because you aren’t doing it for his sake—you are actually making excuses for yourself, so you can keep on loving him and so you can continue being with him.
I know that you think this is an easy way. After all, it is much harder to look the truth deep in the eye and accept the fact that someone you think is the love of your life isn’t cut out for you.
To accept the fact that you are not loved the way you think you are, the fact that you are manipulated and taken advantage of. The fact that you care for the wrong man and that you’ve wasted years of your life on someone who never deserved you.
But it has to be done because it is the only truth. You can’t keep up with this bullshit and you can’t continue living a lie, just because it is easier that way.
So please, stop waiting for this man to change. Stop believing in his false promises and stop forgiving him for some things that can’t and shouldn’t be forgiven.
Stop trying to look for reasons for the way he is: Stop thinking that he is just immature and that he’ll eventually come to terms with the man he should be like. Stop thinking that he is emotionally broken and that your love will save him.
Stop reassuring yourself that he has trouble expressing his feelings and that he cares for you deeply but just can’t seem to find a way to show it.
And most importantly—stop blaming yourself for his behavior. No, the reason he cheated on you wasn’t due to the fact that you weren’t giving him enough of your attention or because he felt emotionally neglected.
He didn’t ignore you for a few days because you were too needy. He didn’t act like an asshole because you did something that provoked him.
This is the real him. And there is nothing you can do about it other than leaving his sorry ass in the past, exactly where he belongs.
I won’t try to convince you that it will be easy and I know you are terrified of stepping into your future without him. Because he is someone familiar and he is your comfort zone, despite all the pain he’s been causing you.
But it is the only real option you have and the choice you simply have to make, whether you like it or not.
I am an English Language and Literature teacher. I am a writer. I am a daughter, a sister, a friend… But most of all, I am a woman, just like you.
A woman who has experienced the same things you’ve been going through. A woman who’s been fighting battles similar to yours. A woman who wants you to learn from her mistakes and who wants to help you empower yourself.