It is very difficult to live with a label that you are the one who doesn’t give a damn about people.
It is difficult to enter a room and feel all those looks on you, sending you a message that you are not welcome there because you are a people-hater.
The thing is that I am not a people-hater but it looks like I am. Sometimes people see things that they want to see and they close their eyes to the truth.
I must admit, though, that I always cared more about people when they said that they would leave me.
I had many situations in my life where I didn’t give a damn about my friend or my lover because I didn’t want to get attached.
Once you do that you can’t get away from it anymore. Your whole heart beats only for that kind of love and it becomes a part of you.
So the reason why I don’t get attached so easily and why I don’t give a damn is that I was hurt once. I was so hurt that I completely lost myself and it took me a while to become the old me again.
I trusted people too much and they took advantage of me. Now, I don’t want to do that anymore.
I don’t want to be the one who cares more, calls more, texts more.
I will be an asshole and my life will be just fine. I will never risk a heartbreak and I won’t let people bring me down. And when I make all those decisions I will stop daydreaming.
I will come back to reality because I actually can’t behave like that. I can’t be a jerk who will hurt people. I can’t be someone who won’t help people in need.
And even if my heart gets broken multiple times I will continue with my plan. Because a broken heart can be healed but the lesson you learn through that process is something you will never be able to learn elsewhere.
Being the master of not giving a damn won’t make me cooler or richer, it will just make me less human. And that is the last thing I want.
I want to find a balance in my life regarding all things but one.
I will find a balance regarding family relationships, business relationships and my obligations. But I will never try to find a balance regarding love.
I will always be the one who loves more than she ever thought she would. I will always go the extra mile for the man of my dreams because that will be the only way to make me feel alive. I will be the one who will tell him that I love him without limitations so he can be calm.
I want him to know that I am not a cold-blooded bitch who just wants to take advantage of him. I want to show him that my love for him is real.
And nothing real can’t be threatened. I will continue being the one who cares and gives, no matter how much I get in return. Because that is the only way I can my live to the fullest.
And if one day, a man comes into my life, who will love me but who will also break my heart, I will welcome him.
Because if it isn’t for him I will never know what it feels like to have a broken heart and what it feels like to cry myself to sleep.
I will never feel all those deep emotions that we all feel at least once in our lifetime. And I would miss it.
So, my dear future lover, you are welcome to come into my life and if I treat you like shit you have every right to dump me. Because even if you break my heart, I will still be okay.
I will recover from a heartbreak and I will learn my life’s lesson. And in the end, that is what matters the most!