In the spirit of not taking life too seriously, I’ve prepared for you an array of a vida \u00e9 curta<\/em> cita\u00e7\u00f5es engra\u00e7adas, prov\u00e9rbios engra\u00e7ados e outras cita\u00e7\u00f5es engra\u00e7adas sobre a vida.<\/p>\n H\u00e1 alturas em que precisa de cita\u00e7\u00f5es motivacionais para o ajudar a continuar, cita\u00e7\u00f5es sobre a vida para clarificar a sua mente e cita\u00e7\u00f5es engra\u00e7adas de amor<\/a> para LOL com o teu bae.<\/p>\n But today, I’m going to bless your feed with the best short funny quotes about life, friends, work, and everything in between. Why? Because sometimes, we all need a good old little pick-me-up.<\/p>\n If you’re in need of some genuine, spit-your-drink-out laughter, read on (and make sure your mouth is empty).<\/p>\n Ver tamb\u00e9m: 193 Cita\u00e7\u00f5es e prov\u00e9rbios de amor engra\u00e7ados que o v\u00e3o fazer mijar nas cal\u00e7as<\/a><\/p>\n I love quotes that are short yet witty. So I’ll let you enjoy these short funny quotes about life and everything in between! Share them away, and brighten someone’s day.<\/em><\/p>\n 1. \u201cPeople say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.\u201d \u2013 A. A. Milne<\/p>\n 2. \u201cThe only mystery in life is why the kamikaze pilots wore helmets.\u201d \u2013 Al McGuire<\/p>\n 3. \u201cBetter to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.\u201d \u2013 Abraham Lincoln<\/p>\n 4. \u201cThe best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time.\u201d \u2013 Abraham Lincoln<\/p>\n 5. \u201cNobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.\u201d \u2013 Albert Camus<\/p>\n 6. \u201cLight travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.\u201d \u2013 Alan Dundes<\/p>\n 7. \u201cThe difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.\u201d \u2013 Albert Einstein<\/p>\n 8. \u201cThe average dog is a nicer person than the average person.\u201d \u2013 Andy Rooney<\/p>\n 9. \u201cHe who laughs last didn\u2019t get it.\u201d \u2013 Helen Giangregorio<\/p>\n 10. \u201cAll the things I really like to do are either immoral, illegal or fattening.\u201d \u2013 Alexander Woollcott<\/p>\n 11. \u201cI always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific.\u201d \u2013 Lily Tomlin<\/p>\n 12. \u201cI am so clever that sometimes I don\u2019t understand a single word of what I am saying.\u201d \u2013 Oscar Wilde<\/p>\n 13. \u201cI haven\u2019t spoken to my wife in years. I didn\u2019t want to interrupt her.\u201d \u2013 Rodney Dangerfield<\/p>\n 14. \u201cWine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.\u201d \u2013 Benjamin Franklin<\/p>\n 15. \u201cI didn\u2019t fail the test. I just found 100 ways to do it wrong.\u201d \u2013 Benjamin Franklin<\/p>\n 16. \u201cStop worrying about the world ending today. It’s already tomorrow in Australia.\u201d \u2013 Charles M. Schulz<\/p>\n 17. \u201cCommon sense and a sense of humor are the same things, moving at different speeds. A sense of humor is just common sense, dancing.\u201d \u2013 William James<\/p>\n 18. \u201cThe early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.\u201d \u2013 Steven Wright<\/p>\n 19. \u201cDo not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.\u201d \u2013 Elbert Hubbard<\/p>\n 20. \u201cDon’t scare me, I fart easily.\u201d \u2013 Unknown<\/p>\n 21. \u201cHave you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?\u201d \u2013 George Carlin<\/p>\n Ver tamb\u00e9m: Mais de 140 frases de engate maldosas que s\u00e3o simultaneamente insultuosas e hilariantes<\/a><\/p>\n 22. \u201cI saw a woman talking to her cat, she really thought the cat understood. I told my dog when I got home\u2026 We both had a good laugh.\u201d \u2013 Unknown<\/p>\n 23. \u201cHe may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don\u2019t let that fool you: he really is an idiot.\u201d \u2013 Groucho Marx<\/p>\n 24. \u201cTrue terror is to wake up one morning and discover that your high school class is running the country.\u201d \u2013 Kurt Vonnegut<\/p>\n 25. \u201cMy bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.\u201d \u2013 Unknown<\/p>\n 26. \u201cMy doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.\u201d \u2013 Milton Berle<\/p>\n 27. \u201cI want my children to have all the things I couldn\u2019t afford. Then I want to move in with them.\u201d \u2013 Phyllis Diller<\/p>\n 28. \u201dThe man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on.\u201d \u2013 Robert Bloch<\/p>\n 29. \u201cFriendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get a warm feeling that it brings.\u201d \u2013 Robert Bloch<\/p>\n 30. \u201cA day without sunshine is like, you know, night.\u201d \u2013 Steve Martin<\/p>\n 31. \u201cThere are no stupid questions, just stupid people.\u201d \u2013 Unknown<\/p>\n 32. \u201cWhen I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.\u201d \u2013 Rodney Dangerfield<\/p>\n 33. \u201cThe best way to teach your kids about taxes is by eating 30 percent of their ice cream.\u201d \u2013 Bill Murray<\/p>\n 34. \u201cMen marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.\u201d \u2013 Albert Einstein<\/p>\n 35. \u201cNobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.\u201d \u2013 Albert Camus<\/p>\n 36. \u201cDon\u2019t be so humble \u2013 you are not that great.\u201d \u2013 Golda Meir<\/p>\n 37. \u201cThere cannot be a crisis next week. My schedule is already full.\u201d \u2013 Henry Kissinger<\/p>\n 38. \u201cClothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.\u201d \u2013 Mark Twain<\/p>\n 39. \u201cGet your facts first, then you can distort them as you please.\u201d \u2013 Mark Twain<\/p>\n 40. \u201cThe most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: management.\u201d \u2013Scott Adams (Dilbert)<\/p>\n Veja tamb\u00e9m: 250+ Legendas incr\u00edveis, engra\u00e7adas e fofas do Instagram sobre o amor<\/p>\n Alguns autores desconhecidos garantiram que tiv\u00e9ssemos algo para rir nos dias de chuva com estes ditados espirituosos e hilariantes! Veja-as e partilhe-as com os seus melhores amigos.<\/em><\/p>\n 1. I made my Facebook name \u201cBenefits,\u201d so when you add me now it says \u201cyou\u2019re friends with benefits.\u201d<\/p>\n 2. Um bom amigo telefona-te para a pris\u00e3o. Um grande amigo paga-te a fian\u00e7a para sa\u00edres da pris\u00e3o. O teu melhor amigo senta-se ao lado de<\/a> you and says \u201cwasn\u2019t that fun?\u201d<\/p>\n 3. Os amigos pagam-te o almo\u00e7o. Os melhores amigos comem o teu almo\u00e7o.<\/p>\n 4. Os bons amigos terminam as tuas frases. Um melhor amigo far\u00e1 o mesmo, mas far\u00e1 com que soe 10 vezes mais sujo no processo.<\/p>\n 5. I don\u2019t know what\u2019s tighter, our jeans or our friendship.<\/p>\n 6. You don\u2019t have to be crazy to be my friend. I\u2019ll train you.<\/p>\n 7. Assim que te vi, soube que ia acontecer uma aventura.<\/p>\n 8. Best friends don\u2019t let you do stupid things\u2026 alone!<\/p>\n 9. Adoro o facto de a nossa amizade sem esfor\u00e7o se adaptar perfeitamente \u00e0 minha pregui\u00e7a.<\/p>\n 10. Outside of a dog, a book is man\u2019s best friend. Inside of a dog, it\u2019s too dark to read.<\/p>\n 11. We\u2019ll be best friends forever because you already know too much.<\/p>\n 12. I was an innocent being\u2026 then my best friend came along.<\/p>\n 13. Nunca ningu\u00e9m ser\u00e1 t\u00e3o entretido por n\u00f3s como n\u00f3s pr\u00f3prios.<\/p>\n 14. We\u2019ll be friends till we\u2019re old and senile\u2026 Then we\u2019ll be new friends.<\/p>\n 15. Never let your best friends get lonely\u2026 keep disturbing them.<\/p>\n 16. Os bons amigos oferecem um ombro amigo quando precisamos de chorar. Os melhores amigos est\u00e3o l\u00e1 com um taco para bater em quem te fez chorar.<\/p>\n 17. Os amigos v\u00eam e v\u00e3o como as ondas do mar, mas os verdadeiros ficam como um polvo na tua cara.<\/p>\n 18. Adoro o meu computador porque todos os meus amigos vivem l\u00e1 dentro!<\/p>\n 19. Never let your best friends get lonely\u2026 keep disturbing them.<\/p>\n Ver tamb\u00e9m: 20 belos sinais de que encontraste uma verdadeira amizade de alma g\u00e9mea<\/a><\/p>\n 20. N\u00f3s somos os melhores amigos. Lembra-te sempre que, se ca\u00edres, eu levanto-te. Quando acabar de me rir.<\/p>\n 21. I am your best friend, and there isn\u2019t anything you can do about it.<\/p>\n 22. Friends are God\u2019s way of apologizing to us for our families.<\/p>\n 23. Gosto de ti porque te juntas \u00e0s minhas esquisitices.<\/p>\n 24. Uma das b\u00ean\u00e7\u00e3os dos velhos amigos \u00e9 o facto de se poder dar ao luxo de ser est\u00fapido com eles.<\/p>\n 25. N\u00e3o h\u00e1 nada melhor do que um amigo, a n\u00e3o ser que seja um amigo com chocolate.<\/p>\n 26. Encontrar amigos com a mesma perturba\u00e7\u00e3o mental. N\u00e3o tem pre\u00e7o!<\/p>\n 27. Estudar significa 10% ler e 90% queixar-se aos seus amigos de que tem de estudar.<\/p>\n 28. Os amigos escondem um sorriso e ajudam-nos a levantar quando ca\u00edmos, mas os melhores amigos riem-se tanto que tamb\u00e9m caem.<\/p>\n 29. You don\u2019t have to be crazy to be friends with me. But it definitely helps.<\/p>\n 30. If you have crazy friends, you have everything you\u2019ll ever need.<\/p>\n 31. I love that when I’m with you, I don’t have to pretend I’m a nice person. That sh** is exhausting.<\/p>\n 32. Os bons amigos fazem-se rir uns aos outros. Os bons amigos fazem-se rir.<\/p>\n 33. True friends don’t judge each other. They judge other people\u2026 together.<\/p>\n 34. A verdadeira amizade \u00e9 quando se vai a casa deles e o Wi-Fi se liga automaticamente.<\/p>\n 35. This is by far your worst idea ever\u2026 I\u2019ll be there in 15 minutes.<\/p>\n 36. Os amigos d\u00e3o-nos um ombro para chorar. Mas os melhores amigos est\u00e3o prontos com uma p\u00e1 para magoar a pessoa que te fez chorar.<\/p>\n 37. Melhores amigos. Eles sabem o qu\u00e3o louco voc\u00ea \u00e9 e ainda assim escolhem ser vistos com voc\u00ea em p\u00fablico.<\/p>\n Ver tamb\u00e9m: 140 textos de bom dia para ele para o fazer sorrir<\/a><\/p>\n Here are my personal favorite short funny quotes that will make you laugh but also inspire you. Hopefully, you’ll find as much joy in them as I did.<\/em><\/p>\n 1. \u201cWhen tempted to fight fire with fire, remember that the Fire Department usually uses water.\u201d \u2013 Unknown<\/p>\n 2. \u201cEvery tattoo is temporary because we\u2019re all slowly dying.\u201d \u2013 Unknown<\/p>\n 3. \u201cNever put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow just as well.\u201d \u2013 Mark Twain<\/p>\n 4. \u201cAge is of no importance unless you\u2019re a cheese.\u201d \u2013 Billie Burke<\/p>\n 5. \u201cI am an early bird and a night owl\u2026 so I am wise and I have worms.\u201d \u2013 Michael Scott<\/p>\n 6. \u201cWell-behaved women seldom make history.\u201d \u2013 Laurel Thatcher Ulrich<\/p>\n 7. \u201cI used to think I was indecisive, but now I\u2019m not so sure.\u201d \u2013 Unknown<\/p>\n 8. \u201cThe road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces.\u201d \u2013 Will Rogers<\/p>\n 9. \u201cWhen I hear somebody sigh, \u2018Life is hard,\u2019 I am always tempted to ask, \u2018Compared to what?\u2019\u201d \u2013 Sydney Harris<\/p>\n 10. \u201cIf the world didn\u2019t suck, we\u2019d all fly into space.\u201d \u2013 Unknown<\/p>\n 11. \u201cThe elevator to success is out of order. You\u2019ll have to use the stairs, one step at a time.\u201d \u2013 Joe Girard<\/p>\n 12. \u201cI cannot afford to waste my time making money.\u201d \u2013 Louis Agassiz<\/p>\n 13. \u201cThe trouble with having an open mind, of course, is that people will insist on coming along and trying to put things in it.\u201d \u2013 Terry Pratchett<\/p>\n 14. \u201cYou can\u2019t have everything. Where would you put it?\u201d \u2013 Steven Wright<\/p>\n 15. \u201cDreams are like rainbows. Only idiots chase them.\u201d \u2013 Unknown<\/p>\n 16. \u201cIt took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn\u2019t give it up because by then I was too famous.\u201d \u2013 Robert Benchley<\/p>\n 17. \u201cBad decisions make good stories.\u201d \u2013 Ellis Vidler<\/p>\n Ver tamb\u00e9m: Cita\u00e7\u00f5es de sonhos: 100+ Cita\u00e7\u00f5es motivacionais para o ajudar a perseguir os seus sonhos<\/a><\/p>\n 18. \u201cHappiness is just sadness that hasn\u2019t happened yet.\u201d \u2013 Unknown<\/p>\n 19. \u201cOpportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work.\u201d \u2013 Thomas Edison<\/p>\n 20. \u201cYou can\u2019t wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club.\u201d \u2013 Jack London<\/p>\n 21. \u201cHonest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.\u201d \u2013 Franklin P. Jones<\/p>\n 22. \u201cPeople often say that motivation doesn\u2019t last. Well, neither does bathing \u2013 \u200athat\u2019s why we recommend it daily.\u201d \u2013 Zig Ziglar<\/p>\n 23. \u201cYou\u2019re only given a little spark of madness. You mustn\u2019t lose it.\u201d \u2013 Robin Williams<\/p>\n 24. \u201cLive each day like it\u2019s your second to the last. That way you can fall asleep at night.\u201d \u2013 Jason Love<\/p>\n 25. \u201cI have a simple philosophy: Fill what’s empty. Empty what is full. Scratch where it itches.\u201d \u2013 Alice Roosevelt Longworth<\/p>\n 26. \u201cA few harmless flakes working together can unleash an avalanche of destruction.\u201d \u2013 Justin Sewell<\/p>\n 27. \u201cLife is like a sewer \u2013 what you get out of it depends on what you put into it.\u201d \u2013 Tom Lehrer<\/p>\n 28. \u201cA diamond is merely a lump of coal that did well under pressure.\u201d \u2013 Unknown<\/p>\n 29. \u201cThink like a proton. Always positive.\u201d \u2013 Unknown<\/p>\n 30. \u201cNothing is impossible, the word itself says \u2018I\u2019m possible!\u2019\u201d \u2013 Audrey Hepburn<\/p>\n 31. \u201cIt could be that your purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.\u201d \u2013 Ashleigh Brilliant<\/p>\n 32. \u201cThe best things in life are actually really expensive.\u201d \u2013 Unknown<\/p>\n 33. \u201cIf at first, you don\u2019t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn\u2019t for you.\u201d \u2013 Steven Wright<\/p>\n Ver tamb\u00e9m: 200 frases de engate engra\u00e7adas e pirosas que a v\u00e3o fazer sorrir<\/a><\/p>\n Eis algumas cita\u00e7\u00f5es motivacionais sobre o trabalho que o ajudar\u00e3o a acordar todos os dias agradecido e inspirado para fazer com que cada dia conte.<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n 1. \u201cNothing can stop the man with the right mental attitude from achieving his goal. Nothing on earth can help the man with the wrong attitude.\u201d \u2013 Thomas Jefferson<\/p>\n 2. \u201cTry not. Do, or do not. There is no try.\u201d \u2013 Yoda<\/p>\n 3. \u201cYour talent determines what you can do. Your motivation determines how much you\u2019re willing to do. Your attitude determines how well you do it.\u201d \u2013 Lou Holtz<\/p>\n 4. \u201cSuccess is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success.\u201d \u2013 Joyce Brothers<\/p>\n 5. \u201cI learned this, at least, by my experiment; that if one advances confidently in the direction of his dreams, and endeavors to live the life which he has imagined, he will meet with a success unexpected in common hours.\u201d \u2013 Henry David Thoreau<\/p>\n 6. \u201cThe size of your success is measured by the strength of your desire, the size of your dream, and how you handle disappointment along the way.\u201d \u2013 Robert Kiyosaki<\/p>\n 7. \u201cNever allow a person to tell you no who doesn\u2019t have the power to say yes.\u201d \u2013 Eleanor Roosevelt<\/p>\n 8. \u201cA year from now you may wish you had started today.\u201d \u2013 Karen Lamb<\/p>\n 9. \u201cLight tomorrow with today.\u201d \u2013 Elizabeth Barrett Browning<\/p>\n 10. \u201cWhat we fear of doing most is usually what we most need to do.\u201d \u2013 Ralph Waldo Emerson<\/p>\n 11. \u201cSomeday is not a day of the week.\u201d \u2013 Janet Dailey<\/p>\n 12. \u201cMake each day your masterpiece.\u201d \u2013 John Wooden<\/p>\n 13. \u201cDon\u2019t count the days, make the days count.\u201d \u2013 Muhammad Ali<\/p>\n 14. \u201cYou get to decide where your time goes. You can either spend it moving forward, or you can spend it putting out fires. You decide. And if you don\u2019t decide, others will decide for you.\u201d \u2013 Tony Morgan<\/p>\n 15. \u201cFall 7 times, stand up 8.\u201d \u2013 Japanese Proverb<\/p>\n 16. \u201cThe only way to do great work is to love what you do. If you haven\u2019t found it yet, keep looking. Don\u2019t settle.\u201d \u2013 Steve Jobs<\/p>\n 17. \u201cYour imagination is your preview of life\u2019s coming attractions.\u201d \u2013 Albert Einstein<\/p>\n 18. \u201cYou\u2019ve got to get up every morning with determination if you\u2019re going to go to bed with satisfaction.\u201d \u2013 George Lorimer<\/p>\n 19. \u201cPeople rarely succeed unless they have fun in what they are doing.\u201d \u2013 Dale Carnegie<\/p>\n 20. \u201cSuccess is the sum of small efforts repeated day in and day out.\u201d \u2013 Robert Collier<\/p>\n 21. \u201cIf everything seems under control, you\u2019re not going fast enough.\u201d \u2013 Mario Andretti<\/p>\n Ver tamb\u00e9m: 7 raz\u00f5es pelas quais os amigos de trabalho s\u00e3o, na verdade, os seus melhores amigos<\/a><\/p>\n 22. \u201cBuild your own dreams or someone else will hire you to build theirs.\u201d \u2013 Farrah Gray<\/p>\n 23. \u201cEven if you\u2019re on the right track, you\u2019ll get run over if you just sit there.\u201d \u2013 Will Rogers<\/p>\n 24. \u201cGo as far as you can see; when you get there, you\u2019ll be able to see further.\u201d \u2013 Thomas Carlyle<\/p>\n 25. \u201cThe true meaning of life is to plant trees under whose shade you do not expect to sit.\u201d \u2013 Nelson Henderson<\/p>\n 26. \u201cThe question isn\u2019t who is going to let me, it\u2019s who is going to stop me.\u201d \u2013 Ayn Rand<\/p>\n 27. \u201cVery often a change of self is needed more than a change of scene.\u201d \u2013 Arthur Christopher Benson<\/p>\n 28. \u201cIf you don\u2019t design your own life plan, chances are you\u2019ll fall into someone else\u2019s plan and guess what they have planned for you? Not much.\u201d \u2013 Jim Rohn<\/p>\n 29. \u201cDevelop success from failures. Discouragement and failure are two of the surest stepping stones to success.\u201d \u2013 Dale Carnegie<\/p>\n 30. \u201cFailure is the condiment that gives success its flavor.\u201d \u2013 Truman Capote<\/p>\n 31. \u201cIt is better to fail in originality than to succeed in imitation.\u201d \u2013 Herman Melville<\/p>\n 32. \u201cI have not failed. I\u2019ve just found 10,000 ways that won\u2019t work.\u201d \u2013 Thomas Edison<\/p>\n 33. \u201cNever give up on a dream just because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.\u201d \u2013 Earl Nightingale<\/p>\n 34. \u201cIt takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.\u201d \u2013 E. E. Cummings<\/p>\n 35. \u201cBelieve you can and you\u2019re halfway there.\u201d \u2013 Theodore Roosevelt<\/p>\n 36. \u201cIt\u2019s not what you say out of your mouth that determines your life, it\u2019s what you whisper to yourself that has the most power.\u201d \u2013 Robert T. Kiyosaki<\/p>\n 37. \u201cSuccess only comes to those who dare to attempt.\u201d \u2013 Mallika Tripathi<\/p>\n 38. \u201cThe more I want to get something done, the less I call it work.\u201d \u2013 Richard Bach<\/p>\n 39. \u201cWe must be willing to let go of the life we planned so as to have the life that is waiting for us.\u201d \u2013 Joseph Campbell<\/p>\n 40. \u201cSuccess is liking yourself, liking what you do, and liking how you do it.\u201d \u2013 Maya Angelou<\/p>\n 41. \u201cThe individual who says it is not possible should move out of the way of those doing it.\u201d \u2013 Tricia Cunningham<\/p>\n 42. \u201cDon\u2019t aim for success if you want it, just do what you love and believe in and it will come naturally.\u201d \u2013 David Frost<\/p>\n 43. \u201cWhen someone tells me \u2018no,\u2019 it doesn\u2019t mean I can\u2019t do it, it simply means I can\u2019t do it with them.\u201d \u2013 Karen E. Quinones Miller<\/p>\n 44. \u201cI would rather die of passion than of boredom.\u201d \u2013 Emile Zola<\/p>\n 45. \u201cComing together is a beginning, keeping together is progress, working together is a success.\u201d \u2013 Henry Ford<\/p>\n Ver tamb\u00e9m: Mais de 80 piadas de sedu\u00e7\u00e3o, frases de engate engra\u00e7adas e frases espirituosas<\/a><\/p>\n Aqui est\u00e3o algumas cita\u00e7\u00f5es engra\u00e7adas e divertidas que acertam sempre em cheio.<\/em><\/p>\n 1. \u201cHappiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.\u201d \u2013 George Burns<\/p>\n 2. \u201cNobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.\u201d \u2013 Albert Camus<\/p>\n 3. \u201cAt every party, there are two kinds of people \u2013 those who want to go home and those who don\u2019t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.\u201d \u2013 Ann Landers<\/p>\n 4. \u201cWhat starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? Envelope.\u201d \u2013 Unknown<\/p>\n 5. \u201cDoctors are just the same as lawyers; the only difference is that lawyers merely rob you, whereas doctors rob you and kill you too.\u201d \u2013 Anton Chekhov<\/p>\n 6. \u201cTo be sure of hitting the target, shoot first, and call whatever you hit the target.\u201d \u2013 Ashleigh Brilliant<\/p>\n 7. \u201cFacebook just sounds like a drag, in my day seeing pictures of people\u2019s vacations was considered a punishment.\u201d \u2013 Betty White<\/p>\n 8. \u201cNot sure which is harder on a relationship: sharing a dresser for three years or sharing an iPhone charger for one day.\u201d \u2013 Rhea Butcher<\/p>\n 9. \u201cAccording to a new survey, 90% of men say their lover is also their best friend. Which is really kind of disturbing when you consider man\u2019s best friend is his dog.\u201d \u2013 Jay Leno<\/p>\n 10. \u201cWhen we talk to God, we\u2019re praying. When God talks to us, we\u2019re schizophrenic.\u201d \u2013 Jane Wagner<\/p>\n 11. \u201cYou can fail at what you don\u2019t want \u2013 so you might as well take a chance at doing what you love.\u201d \u2013 Jim Carrey<\/p>\n 12. \u201cMen are like shoes. Some fit better than others. And sometimes you go out shopping and there\u2019s nothing you like. And then, as luck would have it, the next week you find two that are perfect, but you don\u2019t have the money to buy both.\u201d \u2013 Janet Evanovich<\/p>\n 13. \u201cGoing to church doesn\u2019t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobile.\u201d \u2013 Billy Sunday<\/p>\n 14. \u201cMy wife Mary and I have been married for forty-seven years and not once have we had an argument serious enough to consider divorce; murder, yes, but divorce, never.\u201d \u2013 Jack Benny<\/p>\n 15. \u201cNever trust people who smile constantly. They\u2019re either selling something or not very bright.\u201d \u2013 Laurell K. Hamilton<\/p>\n 16. \u201cMy grandfather once told me that there were two kinds of people: those who do the work and those who take the credit. He told me to try to be in the first group; there was much less competition.\u201d \u2013 Indira Gandhi<\/p>\n 17. \u201cI asked my brother-in-law, the father of four boys, \u2018If you had it to do all over again, would you still have kids?\u2019 \u2018Yes,\u2019 he said. \u2018Just not these four.\u2019\u201d \u2013 Sheila Lee<\/p>\n 18. \u201cPeople who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.\u201d \u2013 Isaac Asimov<\/p>\n 19. \u201cBefore marriage, a man declares that he would lay down his life to serve you; after marriage, he won\u2019t even lay down his newspaper to talk to you.\u201d \u2013 Helen Rowland<\/p>\n 20. \u201cI just realized that \u2018Let me check my calendar\u2019 is the adult version of \u2018Let me ask my mom.\u2019\u201d \u2013 Noelle Chatham<\/p>\n 21. \u201cI came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn\u2019t a professional, the knife had butter on it.\u201d \u2013 Rodney Dangerfield<\/p>\n 22. \u201cMost people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit.\u201d \u2013 George Carlin<\/p>\n 23. \u201cA pessimist is a man who thinks everybody is as nasty as himself and hates them for it.\u201d \u2013 George Bernard Shaw<\/p>\n 24. \u201cWhen your children are teenagers, it\u2019s important to have a dog so that someone in the house is happy to see you.\u201d \u2013 Nora Ephron<\/p>\n 25. \u201cMy esteem in this country has gone up substantially. It is very nice now that when people wave at me, they use all their fingers.\u201d \u2013 Jimmy Carter<\/p>\n Ver tamb\u00e9m: 130 biografias engra\u00e7adas do Tinder que voc\u00ea vai querer passar o dedo (ou roubar)<\/a><\/p>\n 26. \u201cI recently asked a student where his homework was. He replied, \u2018It\u2019s still in my pencil.\u2019\u201d \u2013 Larry Timmons<\/p>\n 27. \u201cIn this horrible time, let us at least be bolstered by small miracles like finding out your ex moved to a different city.\u201d \u2013 Aparna Nancherla<\/p>\n 28. \u201cHere\u2019s to our wives and girlfriends\u2026 may they never meet!\u201d \u2013 Groucho Marx<\/p>\n 29. \u201cIt\u2019s only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.\u201d \u2013 Harry Hill<\/p>\n 30. \u201cIf you\u2019re going to do something tonight that you\u2019ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late.\u201d \u2013 Henny Youngman<\/p>\n 31. \u201cI\u2019d rather have 1% of the effort of 100 men than 100% of my own effort.\u201d \u2013 J. Paul Getty<\/p>\n 32. \u201cIn school, you\u2019re taught a lesson and then given a test. In life, you\u2019re given a test that teaches you a lesson.\u201d \u2013 Tom Bodett<\/p>\n 33. \u201cSchool is learning things you don\u2019t want to know, surrounded by people you wish you didn\u2019t know, while working toward a future you don\u2019t know will ever come.\u201d \u2013 Dave Kellett<\/p>\n 34. \u201cA boss on vacation is the most cost-effective measure. Everybody in the office has vacationed at the cost of one.\u201d \u2013 Thibaut<\/p>\n 35. \u201cWomen are wiser than men because they know less and understand more.\u201d \u2013 James Thurber<\/p>\n 36. \u201cIt\u2019s amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.\u201d \u2013 Jerry Seinfeld<\/p>\n 37. \u201cThe simple act of opening a bottle of wine has brought more happiness to the human race than all the collective governments in the history of the earth.\u201d \u2013 Jim Harrison<\/p>\n 38. \u201cForgive your enemies, but never forget their names.\u201d \u2013 John F. Kennedy<\/p>\n 39. \u201cAmericans are incredibly impatient. Someone once said that the shortest period of time in America is the time between when the light turns green and when you hear the first horn honk.\u201d \u2013 Jim Rohn<\/p>\n 40. \u201cThe avoidance of taxes is the only intellectual pursuit that still carries any reward.\u201d \u2013 John Maynard Keynes<\/p>\n 41. \u201cFlattery is like cologne water, to be smelt, not swallowed.\u201d \u2013 Josh Billings<\/p>\n 42. \u201cThe secret of the demagogue is to make himself as stupid as his audience so they believe they are clever as he.\u201d \u2013 Karl Kraus<\/p>\n 43. \u201cCleaning up with children around is like shoveling during a blizzard.\u201d \u2013 Margaret Culkin Banning<\/p>\n 44. \u201cThe only way to keep your health is to eat what you don\u2019t want, drink what you don\u2019t like, and do what you\u2019d rather not.\u201d \u2013 Mark Twain<\/p>\n Ver tamb\u00e9m: 100 cita\u00e7\u00f5es inspiradoras e encorajadoras para continuar<\/a><\/p>\n Enjoy the best funny quotes about Christmas and help your loved ones laugh out loud. These hilarious quotes are perfect for everyone who doesn’t take life too seriously.<\/em><\/p>\n 1. \u201cBe careful with drinking this Christmas. I got so drunk last night I found myself dancing in a cheesy bar\u2026 or, as you like to call it, delicatessen.\u201d \u2013 Sean Hughes<\/p>\n 2. \u201cNever worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.\u201d \u2013 Larry Wilde<\/p>\n 3. \u201cThe principal advantage of the non-parental lifestyle is that on Christmas Eve you need not be struck dumb by the three most terrifying words that the government allows to be printed on any product: \u2018Some assembly required.\u2019\u201d \u2013 John Leo<\/p>\n 4. \u201cI love Christmas. I receive a lot of wonderful presents I can\u2019t wait to exchange.\u201d \u2013 Henny Youngman<\/p>\n 5. \u201cChristmas is a baby shower that went totally overboard.\u201d \u2013 Andy Borowitz<\/p>\n 6. \u201cHe who has no Christmas in his heart will never find it under a tree.\u201d \u2013 Roy L. Smith<\/p>\n 7. \u201cOnce again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.\u201d \u2013 Dave Barry<\/p>\n 8. \u201cI haven\u2019t taken my Christmas lights down. They look so nice on the pumpkin.\u201d \u2013 Winston Spear<\/p>\n 9. \u201cThere are 17 more shopping days until Christmas. So, guys, that means 16 more days till we start shopping, right?\u201d \u2013 Conan O\u2019Brien<\/p>\n 10. \u201cPets, like their owners, tend to expand a little over the Christmas period.\u201d \u2013 Fanny Wright<\/p>\n 11. \u201cNothing\u2019s as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.\u201d \u2013 Kin Hubbard<\/p>\n 12. \u201cI once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, \u2018toys not included.\u2019\u201d \u2013 Bernard Manning<\/p>\n 13. \u201cWhat I like about Christmas is that you can make people forget the past with the present.\u201d \u2013 Don Marquis<\/p>\n 14. \u201cI hate the radio this time of year because they play \u201cAll I Want For Christmas Is You\u201d like every other song. And that\u2019s just not enough.\u201d \u2013 Bridger Winegar<\/p>\n 15. \u201cAdults can take a simple holiday for Children and screw it up. What began as a presentation of simple gifts to delight and surprise children around the Christmas tree has culminated in a woman unwrapping six shrimp forks from her dog, who drew her name.\u201d \u2013 Erma Bombeck<\/p>\n 16. \u201cKeep your friends close, your enemies closer, and receipts for all major purchases.\u201d \u2013 Bridger Winegar<\/p>\n 17. \u201cThe worst gift is a fruitcake. There is only one fruitcake in the entire world, and people keep sending it to each other.\u201d \u2013 Johnny Carson<\/p>\n 18. \u201cMy husband\u2019s idea of getting the Christmas spirit is to become Scrooge.\u201d \u2013 Melanie White<\/p>\n 19. \u201cAt Christmas, tea is compulsory. Relatives are optional.\u201d \u2013 Robert Godden<\/p>\n 20. \u201cThat\u2019s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.\u201d \u2013 Jerry Seinfeld<\/p>\n 21. \u201cDo give books \u2013 religious or otherwise \u2013 for Christmas. They\u2019re never fattening, seldom sinful, and permanently personal.\u201d \u2013 Lenore Hershey<\/p>\n 22. \u201cSanta Claus has the right idea. Visit people only once a year.\u201d \u2013 Victor Borge<\/p>\n 23. \u201cFor Christmas this year, try giving less. Start with less attitude. There\u2019s more than enough of that in the world as it is \u2013 and people will usually just give it back anyway!\u201d \u2013 Anne Bristow<\/p>\n 24. \u201cI stopped believing in Santa Claus when I was six. Mother took me to see him in a department store, and he asked for my autograph.\u201d \u2013 Shirley Temple<\/p>\n 25. \u201cOh, for the good old days when people would stop Christmas shopping when they ran out of money.\u201d \u2013 Unknown<\/p>\n 26. \u201cNext to a circus, there ain\u2019t nothing that packs up and tears out faster than the Christmas spirit.\u201d \u2013 Frank McKinney Hubbard<\/p>\n 27. \u201cElf has become this big holiday movie, and I remember running around the streets of New York in tights saying, \u2018This could be the last movie I ever make,\u2019 and I could never have predicted that it\u2019d become such a popular film.\u201d \u2013 Will Ferrell<\/p>\n 28. \u201cAren\u2019t we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know, the birth of Santa?\u201d \u2013 Matt Groening<\/p>\n 29. \u201cChristmas is a time when you get homesick, even when you\u2019re home.\u201d \u2013 Carol Nelson<\/p>\n 30. \u201cA Christmas shopper\u2019s complaint is one of long-standing.\u201d \u2013 Unknown<\/p>\n 31. \u201cLet me see if I\u2019ve got this Santa business straight. Do you say he wears a beard, has no discernible source of income, and flies to cities all over the world under cover of darkness? You sure this guy isn\u2019t laundering illegal drug money?\u201d \u2013 Tom Armstrong<\/p>\n 32. \u201cWho\u2019s the bane of Santa\u2019s life? The elf and safety officer.\u201d \u2013 Catherine Tate<\/p>\n 33. \u201cSanta Claus wears a Red Suit, he must be a communist. And a beard and long hair must be a pacifist. What\u2019s in that pipe that he\u2019s smoking?\u201d \u2013 Arlo Guthrie<\/p>\n 34. \u201cNothing says holiday like a cheese log.\u201d \u2013 Ellen DeGeneres<\/p>\n Ver tamb\u00e9m: 52 presentes de Natal para o namorado para derrubar suas meias em 2020<\/a><\/p>\n 35. \u201cA lovely thing about Christmas is that it\u2019s compulsory, like a thunderstorm, and we all go through it together.\u201d \u2013 Garrison Keillor<\/p>\n 36. \u201cChristmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.\u201d \u2013 Richard Lamm<\/p>\n 37. \u201cDid you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.\u201d \u2013 Tom Sims<\/p>\n 38. \u201cThe one thing women don\u2019t want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.\u201d \u2013 Joan Rivers<\/p>\n 39. \u201cMail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.\u201d \u2013 Johnny Carson<\/p>\n 40. \u201cMany banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year\u2019s gifts.\u201d \u2013 Unknown<\/p>\n 41. \u201cOne thing I learned from drinking is that if you ever go Christmas caroling, you should go with a group of people. And also go in mid-December.\u201d \u2013 Louis C. K.<\/p>\n 42. \u201cThere\u2019s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.\u201d \u2013 Erma Bombeck<\/p>\n 43. \u201cChristmas, here again. Let us raise a loving cup; Peace on earth, goodwill to men, and make them do the washing up.\u201d \u2013 Wendy Cope<\/p>\n 44. \u201cAlthough it is pleasant to think about poison at any season, there is something special about Christmas, and I found myself grinning.\u201d \u2013 Alan Bradley<\/p>\n 45. \u201cChristmas is the season when you buy this year\u2019s gifts with next year\u2019s money.\u201d \u2013 Unknown<\/p>\n 46. \u201cWretched excess is an unfortunate human trait that turns a perfectly good idea such as Christmas into a frenzy of last-minute shopping.\u201d \u2013 Jon Anderson<\/p>\n 47. \u201cOne of the most glorious messes in the world is the mess created in the living room on Christmas day. Don\u2019t clean it up too quickly.\u201d \u2013 Andy Rooney<\/p>\n 48. \u201cChristmas sweaters are only acceptable as a cry for help.\u201d \u2013 Andy Borowitz<\/p>\n 49. \u201cPeople can\u2019t concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces properly if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December.\u201d \u2013 Ogden Nash<\/p>\n 50. \u201cA good holiday is one spent among people whose notions of time are vaguer than yours.\u201d \u2013 John B. Priestly<\/p>\n 51. \u201cI bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.\u201d \u2013 Steven Wright<\/p>\n 52. \u201cI like to compare the holiday season with the way a child listens to a favorite story. The pleasure is in the familiar way the story begins, the anticipation of familiar turns it takes, the familiar moments of suspense, and the familiar climax and ending.\u201d \u2013 Fred Rogers<\/p>\nMelhores cita\u00e7\u00f5es curtas e engra\u00e7adas<\/h2>\n
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