{"id":166737,"date":"2024-07-02T10:16:21","date_gmt":"2024-07-02T10:16:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/herway.net\/?p=166737"},"modified":"2024-09-14T15:59:03","modified_gmt":"2024-09-14T15:59:03","slug":"a-mulher-explica-o-paradoxo-da-irritacao","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/a-mulher-explica-o-paradoxo-da-irritacao\/","title":{"rendered":"Mulher no TikTok explica o paradoxo de Nag e o que isso faz com seu relacionamento"},"content":{"rendered":"

Estou sempre a queixar-me, a dizer-lhe o que fazer. Ele continua a fazer as coisas mal, eu queixo-me mais e continuamos a discutir. Parece-lhe familiar?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

A maioria dos meus amigos tem o mesmo problema nas suas rela\u00e7\u00f5es, e n\u00e3o v\u00eaem qualquer forma de escapar a esta situa\u00e7\u00e3o. <\/strong>Some of them are \u201cthe complainers\u201d and some of them are the ones receiving complaints.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Enquanto pensava neste grande problema das rela\u00e7\u00f5es, deparei-me com um v\u00eddeo no TikTok. O utilizador thatdarnchat<\/a> Tamb\u00e9m conhecida como Laura Danger, abriu um discussion about \u201cthe nag paradox\u201d <\/strong>e ela define-o como:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201c\u2026a setup when one person is managing and delegating and decision making and standard setting\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Ao mesmo tempo, a outra pessoa tem um papel de apoio <\/strong>e esperam que lhes digam o que fazer, que as orientem e que as controlem em casa. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Laura says this is very common, she even admits there\u2019s the same setup in her relationship: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cTell me what to do. How can I support you? Just let me know how I can show up for you.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Then she explains why it\u2019s a trap. When one person is in charge of everything and is forced to ask for help, then it becomes:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Uma proposta de liga\u00e7\u00e3o<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

She refers to Dr John Gottman\u2019s bid theory as one of the key concepts of O M\u00e9todo Gottman<\/a> e explica que se trata de uma oferta quando:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201c… basically anytime you invite somebody to join you.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Pode ser um convite para jantar <\/strong>ou <\/strong>pode ser uma sugest\u00e3o para limparem a casa juntos ou at\u00e9 mostrar interesse em saber como foi o dia de trabalho dele.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As pessoas podem <\/strong>\u201cturn toward<\/em><\/strong>\u201d, join the invitation, talk and be interested, or reject it<\/strong>, or even miss \u201cthe call\u201d.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Any attempt to engage with your partner, verbal or non-verbal is considered a \u201cbid\u201d. You can ask questions, talk about something, or touch them. The way you and your partner respond to these os lances podem ser um divisor de \u00e1guas na rela\u00e7\u00e3o.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

If your response is attentive you\u2019ll build trust, emotional connection, and intimacy, and foster deep and meaningful bonds.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Rejeitar e faltar \u00e9 mau para uma rela\u00e7\u00e3o. <\/strong>If one partner constantly feels being rejected then they’ll become distant and will stop asking for a connection.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Depois, h\u00e1 outra coisa de que Gottman fala. \u00c9 o: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Quatro cavaleiros do Apocalipse (das rela\u00e7\u00f5es)<\/h2>\n\n\n
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\"mulher
Fonte: TikTok<\/a><\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n

Certos comportamentos podem prever o fim de uma rela\u00e7\u00e3o, mas Laura concentra-se em dois: A cr\u00edtica e a defensiva s\u00e3o os principais comportamentos envolvidos no paradoxo do chato.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

One person is always giving directions and instructions and \u2026<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cIf you don\u2019t get it right or if something else needs to be done, they have to give back feedback repeatedly.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Enquanto the second person is \u201con the receiving end of negative feedback\u201d<\/strong> and even when they\u2019re only suggested how to adjust the way they\u2019ve been doing something so they do it better, it makes them feel undervalued as a person. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Come\u00e7am a duvidar de si pr\u00f3prios e das suas capacidades. <\/strong>Sentir-se prejudicado. Isto provoca uma atitude defensiva, uma vez que sentem a necessidade de se protegerem.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cThis dynamic is a setup for that.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

After some time a partner who keeps getting negative feedback gets fed up. They decide they don\u2019t wanna expose themself to feeling miserable, feeling like they can\u2019t do anything right and are constantly letting down their partner. <\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ao mesmo tempo, o parceiro insistente sente que est\u00e1 constantemente a ser rejeitado.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

Por isso, a coisa certa a fazer numa rela\u00e7\u00e3o, como explica Laura, \u00e9 falar sobre o assunto em vez de o assumir. Talk about the mental load, and agree on who\u2019ll be in charge of making decisions.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

O facto \u00e9 que muitos casais t\u00eam discuss\u00f5es regulares sobre este assunto e a maioria das pessoas acredita que isso \u00e9 normal:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201c… the whole honeydew list, being told what to do, bossed around.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Ao mesmo tempo, people who are upset about all this are being called \u201cnags\u201d<\/strong> e isso desvaloriza de facto a seriedade e todas as implica\u00e7\u00f5es que esta quest\u00e3o pode trazer a uma rela\u00e7\u00e3o.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Al\u00e9m disso, a opini\u00e3o geral sobre a importuna\u00e7\u00e3o est\u00e1 a dar \u00e0s pessoas uma ideia errada sobre o que \u00e9 essencialmente a importuna\u00e7\u00e3o: <\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cThe idea of nagging is that somebody is needlessly upset about something that doesn’t matter.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

This is far from the truth. Laura emphasizes how household labor MATTERS as it \u201cruns our lives\u201d, building a connection to our partner matters and it\u2019s not nagging. It\u2019s the call for partnership.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWhat if the bid is something I don\u2019t enjoy?\u201d <\/em><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Mais de 1200 coment\u00e1rios abaixo do v\u00eddeo sublinham a import\u00e2ncia deste tema. Obviamente, people can recognize their relationship dynamics in Laura\u2019s examples.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

ADHDWitch <\/em>was wondering what if she doesn\u2019t enjoy the bid? She gives an example of her partner\u2019s bid: to drive 45 minutes in one direction with kids to get food. <\/strong>N\u00e3o \u00e9 muito agrad\u00e1vel, certo?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Outro utilizador, biot\u00e9rio<\/em> shared the problem with her husband is basically \u201cthe nag paradox\u201d:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cMy husband thinks saying \u2018how can I help\u2019 is enough and when I say \u2018you should know what needs to be done.\u2019 He\u2019ll say \u2018make me a list.\u2019\u201d <\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Another example perfectly describes what was Laura talking about \u2013 um parceiro est\u00e1 a chatear o outro fica na defensiva:<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cThen what do you do if your the “nag”?? Even pointing out this dynamic is just perceived as nagging and met with defensiveness. I’m so tired\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

A user Sera described the nag paradox with a never-satisfied perfectionist \u2013 no matter how much she does, her partner always wants more:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\u201cI feel like both people in this situation because I’ll be putting in 200% effort. and the 80% person will ask me why I’m not doing 220%.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Para mim, esta foi uma perspetiva que me abriu os olhos. Quando penso nisso, tudo faz sentido! Certifique-se de que segue este conselho e tente construir uma rela\u00e7\u00e3o baseada na capacidade de resposta e na comunica\u00e7\u00e3o aberta, o que produzir\u00e1 confian\u00e7a e la\u00e7os fortes. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Se quiser ver o v\u00eddeo em pormenor, este est\u00e1 dispon\u00edvel aqui:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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@thatdarnchat<\/a>

The Nag Paradox – \u201ctell me what to do!\u201d \u201cDon\u2019t tell me what to do!\u201d<\/p> \u266c original sound – Laura Danger<\/a> <\/section> <\/blockquote>