{"id":18698,"date":"2020-09-15T08:32:26","date_gmt":"2020-09-15T08:32:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/herway.net\/?p=18698"},"modified":"2022-02-27T12:34:14","modified_gmt":"2022-02-27T12:34:14","slug":"a-vida-depois-de-amar-um-sociopata","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/a-vida-depois-de-amar-um-sociopata\/","title":{"rendered":"A vida depois de amar um sociopata"},"content":{"rendered":"

Sou uma daquelas raparigas (ou mulheres, se preferirem) que j\u00e1 viu tanta coisa na vida e pensava que era suficientemente inteligente para me desviar de todas as balas disparadas contra mim.<\/p>\n

I thought I knew what abuse looked like and I thought I could spot a toxic person headed my way from miles away. It turned out I couldn\u2019t be more blind or more naive than I was.<\/p>\n

So what\u2019s my story? I had a history of abuse in my family and I swore that I would never let anything like that happen to me. I swore to wait for the right man regardless of how long it took me to find him.<\/p>\n

J\u00e1 tinha tido algumas rela\u00e7\u00f5es, mas sempre contive as minhas emo\u00e7\u00f5es e nunca me deixei apaixonar completamente por algu\u00e9m.<\/p>\n

Isto foi acontecendo at\u00e9 que finalmente encontrei algu\u00e9m com quem podia imaginar a minha vida.<\/p>\n

Este homem era tudo o que eu procurava, ou pelo menos pensava que era. Ele era a pura defini\u00e7\u00e3o de um homem de verdade.<\/p>\n

Ele era bem sucedido, bonito, charmoso, emp\u00e1tico e tinha a capacidade de me fazer sentir como se eu fosse a \u00fanica mulher neste mundo.<\/p>\n

\"homem<\/p>\n

Com ele, parecia que eu estava nas nuvens. Acho que j\u00e1 sabes como \u00e9. Parecia-me que \u00e9ramos literalmente uma alma em dois corpos, que ele era a minha chama g\u00e9mea<\/a>.<\/p>\n

I thought that I no longer needed to hold back and that I\u2019d found what I\u2019d been looking for this whole time.<\/p>\n

When you\u2019ve been through what I\u2019ve been through in life you think that you\u2019ve had your fair share of pain and that after the rain it\u2019s time for a rainbow, that eventually it\u2019s time for the sun to shine.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I naively rushed into the arms of a man who I thought was different from all the rest I\u2019d had the chance to encounter.<\/p>\n

I lowered my guard thinking that my storms had come to an end, when in fact it was just the quiet before one of the biggest storms I\u2019d ever encounter in my life.<\/p>\n

The man I\u2019d fallen for was nothing like what I had looked for but he disguised himself so well that I was left absolutely unarmed before him.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Lev\u00e1mos as coisas relativamente devagar. Pensava que o estava a conhecer quando, na verdade, era ele que conseguia descobrir tudo sobre mim com tanta facilidade.<\/p>\n

\"mulher<\/p>\n

Fal\u00e1mos um com o outro durante alguns meses antes de finalmente decidirmos sair para um encontro e, quando o fizemos, aquele homem arrebatou-me de imediato.<\/p>\n

He was everything I expected one man to be. And the story he sold me\u2026 Oh, rapaz, ele sabia mesmo quais as cartas a jogar.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Quando lhe disse que era demasiado bom para ser verdade, ele riu-se e vendeu-me a hist\u00f3ria de uma v\u00edtima.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Contou-me como tinha passado por um inferno no passado, como tantas pessoas o tinham usado, como at\u00e9 ent\u00e3o nunca tinha conhecido uma mulher como eu, como todas as outras andavam atr\u00e1s do seu dinheiro ou do que ele tinha para oferecer e que, nas rela\u00e7\u00f5es, era ele que acabava sempre por ficar com a palha mais curta.<\/p>\n

Then he told me how he never allowed himself to lose faith in real love or how there would be someone worthy of his love, someone who wouldn\u2019t use him and someone who\u2019d be able to love him just the way he was.<\/p>\n

Era como se ele estivesse a tirar as palavras da minha mente e a diz\u00ea-las em voz alta. Tocou tantas campainhas na minha cabe\u00e7a.<\/p>\n

Demorei cerca de um ano e meio para o ver como ele realmente era.<\/strong> Ele vendeu-se t\u00e3o bem e eu apaixonei-me t\u00e3o cegamente por ele, que baixei a minha guarda t\u00e3o depressa que fiquei desarmada nesta batalha que ele orquestrou para n\u00f3s.<\/p>\n

\"mulher<\/p>\n

Para mim, ele parecia o lar que eu nunca tinha tido, parecia o meu porto seguro, parecia o meu sonho tornado realidade. Mal sabia eu que ele era apenas um pesadelo bem disfar\u00e7ado.<\/strong><\/p>\n

My friends tried to warn me, they tried to open my eyes, but how do you make someone see something they didn\u2019t want to believe?<\/p>\n

They told me that I\u2019d lowered my guard too fast, they told me I knew little or almost nothing about him, they begged me to not rush things but I wouldn\u2019t listen.<\/p>\n

Agora gostava de o ter feito, mas acho que tudo acontece por uma raz\u00e3o e eu precisava de cair de cara no ch\u00e3o para aprender mais algumas coisas.<\/p>\n

I needed him to serve me as a lesson that I\u2019m not immune to abuse regardless of how well informed I am about it.<\/p>\n

Estava sempre a dizer a mim pr\u00f3pria que conhecia o jogo e convenci-me de que estava pronta para jogar. Mas o que \u00e9 que uma rapariga t\u00e3o necessitada de amor podia realmente saber sobre o amor?<\/p>\n

Eu queria fazer-me de dif\u00edcil, queria faz\u00ea-lo esperar e queria que ele se esfor\u00e7asse para conseguir o meu amor, mas quando dei por mim estava completamente apaixonada por ele.<\/p>\n

\"mulher<\/p>\n

E em vez de o fazer trabalhar arduamente para derrubar as minhas muralhas, acabei por ser eu a fazer tudo para lhe mostrar como Eu n\u00e3o era como os outros ou como eu era digno do seu amor e como<\/em> I actually understood everything he\u2019d been through.<\/em><\/p>\n

God, I tried so hard for him. I tried to understand his \u2018brokenness\u2019, I tried to be there for him, I justified his shitty behavior toward me and I strongly believed I could \u2018fix\u2019 him.<\/p>\n

Disse a mim pr\u00f3prio que seria eu a mudar este homem.<\/p>\n

Mal sabia eu que estava a cair na sua rede e que me tinha enredado de tal forma que levaria meses a libertar-me dela e ainda mais a curar-se depois de uma rela\u00e7\u00e3o t\u00f3xica.<\/a><\/p>\n

Depois de apenas alguns meses de estar com ele, comecei a perguntar-me o que me teria acontecido, para onde teria desaparecido esta mulher velha, feliz e independente? N\u00e3o a via em lado nenhum.<\/p>\n

I was no longer this positive and outgoing person. I no longer laughed, I didn\u2019t speak up, nor did I stand up for myself anymore.<\/p>\n

I got so tired of being constantly put down, I got tired of having to argue with him day after day, I got so scared that I\u2019d again do something that would trigger his anger. So, I remained silent.<\/p>\n

\"mulher<\/p>\n

In the beginning, I was so happy that he wasn\u2019t one of those guys who constantly went out, I was so happy he chose me over going out with his friends, I was so happy to finally be someone\u2019s priority<\/a> que n\u00e3o vi o seu comportamento antissocial.<\/p>\n

He wasn\u2019t staying in for me, he was making me stay home because it was what he actually liked.<\/p>\n

Eventually, I cut everyone off because he made me do it, because each time I\u2019d go out without him, he\u2019d make me feel guilty for leaving him alone that I eventually made myself a prisoner of our home and our love.<\/p>\n

No in\u00edcio, adorei a sua personalidade alfa at\u00e9 me aperceber que tinha sido totalmente despojada da minha independ\u00eancia. <\/strong><\/p>\n

It wasn\u2019t an alpha personality, it was a sociopathic disorder, one that results in a great need for dominance. <\/strong><\/p>\n

Costumava admirar a sua vontade de ser o l\u00edder e a sua necessidade de falar, mas depois apercebi-me que ele s\u00f3 queria ser ouvido e que o seu comportamento n\u00e3o tinha nada a ver com a sua vontade, era a sua doen\u00e7a que o levava.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"homem<\/p>\n

Sempre fui uma pessoa muito intuitiva e conseguia captar as coisas com facilidade, mas com ele era como se todos os meus sentidos estivessem desligados. Perguntei-me e perguntaram-me muitas vezes porque \u00e9 que tinha ficado tanto tempo.<\/p>\n

And the answer is simple\u2014I was blinded by love. Love makes us do crazy things and I never saw him as an actual abuser, I always thought he was treating me badly because of his past.<\/p>\n

My empath side was constantly on and I couldn\u2019t be mean to him even in the moments he deserved it the most.<\/p>\n

E dei tudo o que tinha a dar a este homem, a s\u00e9rio. Dei tudo de mim, dei o meu amor, o meu tempo, o meu empenho, a minha independ\u00eancia, o meu tudo<\/strong>, at\u00e9 n\u00e3o me restar nada.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Demorei algum tempo a recompor-me, demorei algum tempo a admitir para mim pr\u00f3pria o que se estava a passar. N\u00e3o fazem ideia de como foi dif\u00edcil para mim dizer em voz alta que estava a ser maltratada.<\/p>\n

N\u00e3o fazem ideia da coragem de que precisei para me olhar ao espelho e convencer-me a ir embora.<\/strong><\/p>\n

N\u00e3o fazes ideia da for\u00e7a que precisei para finalmente voltar a lutar, para falar, para recuperar a minha vida antiga, para trazer \u00e0 superf\u00edcie mais uma vez aquela rapariga forte e independente.<\/p>\n

\"mulher<\/p>\n

The aftermath of his abuse lasted even after we split. These kinds of guys don\u2019t ever leave you alone. But I wasn\u2019t gonna ever let myself become a victim.<\/p>\n

Sim, fui maltratada, sim, fui manipulada e sim, acabei por ser uma dessas raparigas que se perdeu por um homem t\u00f3xico<\/a> mas eventualmente, libertei-me das suas correntes. N\u00e3o sou uma v\u00edtima, sou um guerreiro.<\/p>\n

Podia ter deixado que aquilo por que passei me destru\u00edsse ou me fizesse crescer.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I chose this other option. I not only chose to learn from it but I swore not to be harsh on myself or hate myself for ever allowing him to get to me. I understand now that I\u2019m a human being and that I make mistakes and that\u2019s okay.<\/p>\n

You know, I\u2019m proud of myself actually.<\/strong> Yes, I have been so naive to fall willingly into the claws of such a distorted man but there isn\u2019t much I can do about it.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m proud because I didn\u2019t let myself drown in my sorrow.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m proud because I eventually stood up and I\u2019m proud that regardless of the hell I\u2019ve been through, regardless of the manipulation or the constant putting down, I rose above it all and now I\u2019m finally able to see I\u2019m free.<\/p>\n

\"jovem<\/p>\n

What I\u2019ve come to realize depois de amar um sociopata<\/a> is that I\u2019m way stronger than I give myself credit for.<\/strong> Aprendi que, por vezes, na vida, \u00e9 preciso cair para nos podermos levantar de novo.<\/p>\n

I learned that no matter how much you think you know, there are always things to be learned. There are always two sides to one story and it\u2019s up to us to uncover them.<\/p>\n

Sabes, devia estar zangada com ele e comigo mesma, mas n\u00e3o estou. If I hadn\u2019t fallen for him, if he hadn\u2019t treated me as badly as he did, I\u2019d never have learned what exactly I\u2019m made of.<\/strong><\/p>\n

Now I know what kind of strength I possess, now I know I\u2019m capable to love even when one doesn\u2019t deserve it and I can say I\u2019ve finally grown emotionally too.<\/p>\n

Eu amo-me e I love who I\u2019m becoming<\/a> depois de passar por esta tempestade chamada abuso sociop\u00e1tico.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I love every inch of my body my abuser hated, I love myself each time I choose to speak up instead of dimming my voice and each time I allow myself to be empathic and gentle to another human being, each time I feel love, I know deep in my bones that I didn\u2019t let my abuser win and being able to be kind despite the hell I\u2019ve been through is my biggest victory in life.<\/p>\n

\"A<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am one of those girls (or women, if it pleases you) who\u2019s seen so much in her life and I thought that I was smart enough to dodge all the bullets shot my way. I thought I knew what abuse looked like and I thought I could spot a toxic person headed my way…<\/p>","protected":false},"author":20,"featured_media":115597,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29636],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-18698","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-self-help"],"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":29636,"label":"self help"}]},"featured_image_src_large":["https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/09\/Life-After-Loving-A-Sociopath-1024x684.jpg",1024,684,true],"author_info":{"display_name":"Christine Keller","author_link":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/author\/christine\/"},"comment_info":0,"category_info":[{"term_id":29636,"name":"self help","slug":"self-help","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":29636,"taxonomy":"category","description":"Whenever you feel lost or hurt in love and life, these self-help tips will help you overcome challenges and make you feel better instantly.","parent":22911,"count":314,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":29636,"category_count":314,"category_description":"Whenever you feel lost or hurt in love and life, these self-help tips will help you overcome challenges and make you feel better instantly.","cat_name":"self help","category_nicename":"self-help","category_parent":22911}],"tag_info":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18698","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/20"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=18698"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/18698\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/115597"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=18698"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=18698"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=18698"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}