Two years ago, I was an emotional wreck. Life had hit me so hard that I thought I would never experience such pain in my life. I decided that I couldn\u2019t keep on living like that. I decided that no one was more important in my life than myself.<\/p>\n
You know, that was one of those moments when you have an epiphany and you promise yourself that you\u2019re never going to make the same mistake twice. That was the kind of moment when you see everything clearly and you know exactly what to do and how to do it. Your whole life was planned. Too bad these moments disappear fast and your life gets back on the same track and it\u2019s like you\u2019ve forgotten all that has happened to you until it happens again, until it hurts again. And you start all over again, another promise to yourself and another resolution and the hope that things will work out for the better.<\/p>\n
So, in that spirit and in my sudden enlightenment caused by an enormous amount of pain and abandonment, I wrote on a piece of paper: \u201cNever settle for someone you weren\u2019t supposed to be with!\u201d and I stuck it up on a wall in my bedroom, so every morning I get up, I can see my own message to myself.<\/p>\n
The euphoria lasted for a few days. I decided to turn my life around. I really solely swore to myself that I was taking control of my life, to not chase men who don\u2019t value or want me, to put a stop to wanting love so badly that I would take even something that looked like love, but which would only hurt me in the end.<\/p>\n
That piece of paper really got me out of the mess I was in. But, as I said, these things don\u2019t last for that long. As soon as your life gets back on track, you find yourself in the same situation as before. So was I, in an identical situation to two years earlier. Nothing had changed except I was two years older.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n Sempre que me levantava de manh\u00e3 ou entrava no meu quarto, via o papel na parede com as minhas pr\u00f3prias palavras. Tinha-o escrito como um aviso para o futuro. Sentia-me t\u00e3o culpada. Sentia que me tinha tra\u00eddo. E de facto tinha.<\/p>\n I even pretended the paper wasn\u2019t there. I pretended I never wrote it because I hoped it wouldn\u2019t haunt me. I hoped it would go away. But it never did. I knew what I had written even without looking at the wall. I knew how I had felt two years prior and sadly I knew I was going to feel that way again and I did nothing to prevent that.
\nSo, the day had come a few months ago when that horrible feeling of abandonment struck me once again. I\u2019d hit rock bottom and it felt so familiar. All that pain from the last time returned in combination with the new pain I was feeling. I felt even worse. I cried in my best friend\u2019s lap, with a decent amount of alcohol in me, cursing at everything and everyone.<\/p>\n