{"id":22030,"date":"2020-08-20T08:06:25","date_gmt":"2020-08-20T08:06:25","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/herway.net\/?p=22030"},"modified":"2021-08-11T11:26:51","modified_gmt":"2021-08-11T11:26:51","slug":"uma-carta-aberta-a-minha-mae-que-preferiu-as-drogas-a-mim","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/uma-carta-aberta-a-minha-mae-que-preferiu-as-drogas-a-mim\/","title":{"rendered":"Uma carta aberta \u00e0 minha m\u00e3e que preferiu as drogas a mim"},"content":{"rendered":"

Ol\u00e1, m\u00e3e,<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

J\u00e1 h\u00e1 algum tempo que n\u00e3o falamos, certo?<\/p>\n

Sei que sentes a minha falta, e sei que gostarias que eu estivesse contigo. Mas tens de compreender que quando eu mais queria estar contigo, tu afastaste-me.<\/p>\n

Sabes, nunca me amaste o suficiente. Nunca tomaste conta de mim como todas as m\u00e3es deviam fazer.<\/p>\n

All that was important for you was your next fix, even if that meant that I would stay hungry that day. Because you needed it to stay alive\u2014like you used to say.<\/p>\n

M\u00e3e, escolheste sempre as drogas em vez de mim. Destruiu todas as hip\u00f3teses de eu ser feliz e de ter uma boa inf\u00e2ncia. Tudo o que tenho da minha vida contigo s\u00e3o traumas.<\/p>\n

Traumas because whenever you didn\u2019t want to fight for your life, I did that for you. I still remember the night when you overdosed.<\/p>\n

\"jovem<\/p>\n

Lembro-me de segurar a tua cabe\u00e7a no meu colo e gritar na tua cara para acordares, enquanto abrias os olhos apenas por um segundo, sem sequer saberes quem eu era.<\/p>\n

I still remember myself panicking and being totally freaked out. Because I wanted to help you so much, but I didn\u2019t know how.<\/p>\n

M\u00e3e, eu s\u00f3 tinha 7 anos nessa altura. <\/strong><\/em>
\nM\u00e3e, como \u00e9 que me pudeste fazer isto?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Weren\u2019t you thinking what kind of effects you would have on me? Is it possible that you weren\u2019t afraid that you would leave me on my own?<\/p>\n

Is it possible that you weren\u2019t thinking about me and my future? Is it possible that you didn\u2019t love me, mom?<\/p>\n

Ainda tenho flashbacks desse acontecimento e ainda me culpo pela tua depend\u00eancia. Estava sempre a tentar ser o melhor filho que um pai desejaria ter, s\u00f3 para te fazer feliz. Queria que te orgulhasses de mim.<\/p>\n

\"mulher<\/p>\n

Por outro lado, nunca me deste a oportunidade de me orgulhar de ti. Sempre tive vergonha de seres minha m\u00e3e, porque fazias da minha vida um inferno.<\/p>\n

You were never there for me when I needed you the most. You weren\u2019t there when I got my first bad grade to tell me that things like that are normal and that I shouldn\u2019t be worried.<\/p>\n

You weren\u2019t there for me when nobody could understand me and when I was depressed. You weren\u2019t with me to tell me that I will be okay if I just believe in myself.<\/p>\n

You were never there when I needed you and that is what hurts me the most. The only person I should have relied on wasn\u2019t there for me.<\/p>\n

The one who carried me under her heart for 9 months simply chose drugs over me. That\u2019s how little I meant to you. That\u2019s how little you loved me. And I will always be hungry for your love.<\/p>\n

Gravaste cicatrizes no meu cora\u00e7\u00e3o quando eu era crian\u00e7a, e elas nunca v\u00e3o sarar.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\"mulher<\/p>\n

As feridas ainda sangram quando te vejo a vaguear pelas ruas, a pedir dinheiro para comprar mais droga. Ainda tenho pesadelos com aquela noite em que tiveste uma overdose e em que tentei salvar-te.<\/p>\n

Sonho que est\u00e1s deitado no meu colo, que te pe\u00e7o para acordares, mas que num momento abres os olhos e os fechas para sempre. Nesse momento, sinto que te estou a perder, e depois acordo.<\/p>\n

I wake up all sweaty and with turbulence in my head. I don\u2019t know where I am and if you are still alive. Then I pick up the phone to call you, but when I try, you are unavailable.<\/p>\n

Por isso, sento-me no meu quarto at\u00e9 ao amanhecer e fico a olhar em branco, a pensar se as coisas podiam ter sido melhores. Penso nas coisas que fiz para te ajudar e pergunto-me se fiz tudo o que estava ao meu alcance para te salvar da depend\u00eancia.<\/p>\n

But then I realize that you can\u2019t save someone who doesn\u2019t want to be saved. I could never save you from yourself because you would always choose drugs over yourself and over me as well.<\/p>\n

Then I start crying because even if it won\u2019t change anything, it will make me feel better. At least I will let go of the pain.<\/p>\n

\"mulher<\/p>\n

Porque se ficar dentro de mim, juro que vou explodir.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

If I don\u2019t let this anger out, Vou-me abaixo<\/a>e restar\u00e1 apenas a casca da mulher que j\u00e1 fui. E n\u00e3o \u00e9 essa a minha inten\u00e7\u00e3o.<\/p>\n

Eu quero uma vida melhor para mim. Porque j\u00e1 estou farta desta vida de merda contigo.<\/p>\n

You showed me what kind of person I should never become. You showed me all those bad things, instead of teaching me about the good ones. You showed me what a mother\u2019s love shouldn\u2019t look like.<\/p>\n

With you, I felt like I was lost, and I didn\u2019t know which the right path was.<\/p>\n

Contigo, perdi-me completamente na tentativa de te ajudar.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\"mulher<\/p>\n

E isso \u00e9 algo que nenhuma crian\u00e7a deve sentir. Uma crian\u00e7a tem de ser amada, cuidada e acarinhada. Uma crian\u00e7a \u00e9 uma b\u00ean\u00e7\u00e3o de Deus, mas tu nunca me viste como uma.<\/p>\n

Para ti, fui sempre algu\u00e9m que interferiu no teu caminho e de quem te querias livrar.<\/p>\n

For you, I wasn\u2019t someone you wanted to spend time with, but instead, you neglected me and made me feel like I was not important.<\/p>\n

With you, I felt like I shouldn\u2019t have been born, and unfortunately, I will never forgive that feeling. No matter how hard I try, I simply can\u2019t tear it out of my heart.<\/p>\n

O facto de teres escolhido as drogas em vez de mim vai sempre doer. Ir\u00e1 sempre doer o facto de eu n\u00e3o significar nada para ti e de uma dose de droga te poder fazer sentir como eu nunca consegui.<\/p>\n

Enquanto tu eras tudo para mim, as drogas eram tudo para ti e, se pudesses, provavelmente ter-me-ias vendido para comprar as coisas boas.<\/p>\n

\"menina<\/p>\n

Ao fazer-me todas aquelas coisas horr\u00edveis quando eu era crian\u00e7a<\/a>Estragaste a nossa liga\u00e7\u00e3o natural e, mesmo que sejas minha m\u00e3e, nunca serei capaz de te amar como uma crian\u00e7a ama a sua m\u00e3e.<\/p>\n

I will never be able to call you late at night when I can\u2019t breathe because of the bad memories, so you would calm me down, telling me that everything will pass. I will never be able to rely on you like other kids rely on their parents because you lost yourself a long time ago.<\/p>\n

Perdeste-te a ti pr\u00f3prio no dia em que escolheste as drogas em vez de ti. E no mesmo dia que me perdeste tamb\u00e9m.<\/p>\n

So, I just want you to know that even if I am not complete now and even if I have my moments where I totally freak out, I don\u2019t blame you.<\/p>\n

Na verdade, tenho pena de si.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

I feel sorry that you will not be able to live the life you were supposed to live. I am sorry that you won\u2019t be happy and that you don\u2019t remember me when I pass you in the street.<\/p>\n

Lamento que mesmo que ainda estejas vivo, perdi-te no dia em que decidiste que eu n\u00e3o era assim t\u00e3o importante.<\/p>\n

\"mulher<\/p>\n

Por isso, m\u00e3e, se est\u00e1s a ler isto, fica a saber que te perdoo tudo.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

I simply don\u2019t want to hold onto grudges, and I don\u2019t want to have this anger inside of me. I decided to forgive you and move on. I decided to live my life in the best possible way.<\/p>\n

Decidi pensar duas vezes sobre tudo o que estou prestes a fazer, especialmente se tiver algo a ver com os meus filhos.<\/p>\n

E, tal como tu, decidi ser uma m\u00e3e a s\u00e9rio. Juro que os meus filhos nunca se v\u00e3o questionar se s\u00e3o suficientemente dignos ou bons para mim, porque eu vou mostrar-lhes isso todos os dias.<\/p>\n

E tu?<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

If you ever read this letter, just know that I am okay. Don\u2019t worry about me, and don\u2019t try to find me.<\/p>\n

\"mulher<\/p>\n

I couldn\u2019t make you change your mind to you would leave drugs when I was a child, but maybe you will listen to my words now.<\/p>\n

Espero que vos atinjam t\u00e3o fortemente que toda a vossa vida passe \u00e0 frente dos vossos olhos.<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

I hope you will finally realize that you were wrong all this time and that while I needed you, you weren\u2019t there.<\/p>\n

I hope all those memories will hit you hard just like you like. But this time, you won\u2019t be high and you won\u2019t feel great \u2013 this time, you will realize that you are alone and that you pushed me away. <\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

Desta vez, saber\u00e1s o que \u00e9 realmente sentir-se no fundo do po\u00e7o!<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"Uma<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Hi Mom, It has been a while since we talked, right? I know that you miss me, and I know that you would want me to be with you. But you need to understand that when I wanted to be with you the most, you pushed me away. You see, you never loved me enough….<\/p>","protected":false},"author":25,"featured_media":103214,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29624],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-22030","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-friends-and-family"],"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":29624,"label":"friends&family"}]},"featured_image_src_large":["https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/08\/An-Open-Letter-To-My-Mother-Who-Chose-Drugs-Over-Me.jpg",800,534,false],"author_info":{"display_name":"Amy Nicholson","author_link":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/author\/amy\/"},"comment_info":0,"category_info":[{"term_id":29624,"name":"friends&family","slug":"friends-and-family","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":29624,"taxonomy":"category","description":"Do you want to improve your relationship with friends and family? Following these tips will help you boost your connection with your favorite people.","parent":29620,"count":316,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":29624,"category_count":316,"category_description":"Do you want to improve your relationship with friends and family? Following these tips will help you boost your connection with your favorite people.","cat_name":"friends&family","category_nicename":"friends-and-family","category_parent":29620}],"tag_info":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22030","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/25"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=22030"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/22030\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/103214"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=22030"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=22030"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=22030"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}