{"id":26968,"date":"2018-10-31T12:50:16","date_gmt":"2018-10-31T12:50:16","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/herway.net\/?p=26968"},"modified":"2021-08-11T11:30:53","modified_gmt":"2021-08-11T11:30:53","slug":"para-a-pessoa-que-e-suicida-mas-quer-viver","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/para-a-pessoa-que-e-suicida-mas-quer-viver\/","title":{"rendered":"Para a pessoa que \u00e9 suicida mas quer viver"},"content":{"rendered":"

I can\u2019t even tell you how many times I\u2019ve imagined I\u2019m dead. I can\u2019t even describe to you how many times I\u2019ve seen my own funeral, the people around the coffin, how many times I\u2019ve imagined what the world would look like without me in it.<\/span><\/p>\n

I don\u2019t know why but these thoughts seem to haunt me, yet I don\u2019t want to die.<\/b> People usually assume that if someone is thinking about death, that person wants to die and if they aren\u2019t thinking about death, they don\u2019t want to die. <\/span><\/p>\n

That\u2019s not true. What about those who are stuck in a gray zone, thinking about death? What about those like me? <\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve been thinking about death since high school. <\/b><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve found myself haunted by suicidal thoughts. I can\u2019t even say that puberty had anything to do with it because death haunts me to this day. I\u2019ve found myself thinking about being kidnapped. I thought about what if one day I never got back home from school? <\/span><\/p>\n

Havia uma ponte que eu tinha de atravessar todos os dias, quando vinha da escola para casa. Parei tantas vezes no meio dela, a olhar para o rio frio e profundo, a pensar: e se eu ca\u00edsse? <\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

Como \u00e9 que me sentiria ao cair, o que \u00e9 que me passaria pela cabe\u00e7a durante a queda? Como me sentiria quando o meu corpo entrasse em contacto com a \u00e1gua gelada? Estaria ainda vivo antes de cair no rio ou o meu cora\u00e7\u00e3o cederia logo no in\u00edcio da queda? <\/span><\/p>\n

E se eu ficasse vivo, ser\u00e1 que a \u00e1gua me puxaria para uma gruta ou algo do g\u00e9nero? Ser\u00e1 que o meu corpo alguma vez sairia a flutuar?<\/span><\/p>\n

I could have tried it but I didn\u2019t want to. Those were only thoughts and nothing else. I don\u2019t want to die. I love my life and I want to keep living it. I don\u2019t want my journey to end.<\/span><\/p>\n

Guardei isto para mim. Nunca disse a ningu\u00e9m o que me estava a passar pela cabe\u00e7a com tanta frequ\u00eancia. Sabia que, se partilhasse o que sentia, as pessoas ficariam preocupadas e tentariam evitar que eu me matasse. Mas nunca tive inten\u00e7\u00e3o de o fazer.<\/b><\/p>\n

\"Para<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want to think about death, it scares me. But I can\u2019t turn off my brain. I can\u2019t tell it what to think about.<\/span><\/p>\n

These thoughts catch me unprepared. I never know when they are coming. It often happens when I least expect it, when everything in my life is going great, when I don\u2019t have anything to be worried about. <\/span><\/p>\n

Ent\u00e3o, de repente, vejo algo que faz com que a minha mente convide pensamentos negativos para a minha cabe\u00e7a, para o meu cora\u00e7\u00e3o.<\/span><\/p>\n

Depression plays a great part in it. It pops up like an uninvited guest that you can\u2019t get rid of. It leaves when it becomes bored, when it has nothing else to do.<\/b><\/p>\n

Todas as m\u00e1s recorda\u00e7\u00f5es, todos os sentimentos reprimidos, v\u00eam \u00e0 superf\u00edcie, sufocando-me, n\u00e3o me deixando respirar.<\/span><\/p>\n

Eu isolo-me do mundo. Fecho-me no meu quarto, a pensar na minha pr\u00f3pria dor e a rezar a Deus para que ela pare. Sinto-me sozinho, sinto que ningu\u00e9m quer saber de mim, que ningu\u00e9m se importa se eu vivo ou morro. Sinto-me completamente impotente.<\/span><\/p>\n

When I feel like this, I can\u2019t stop it. <\/b><\/p>\n

It feels like I\u2019m swimming in an ocean and although there is no one around, I feel safe. The sun is shining and keeping my face warm, it\u2019s like the sun is kissing me. I feel safe and happy, I\u2019m enjoying myself. <\/span><\/p>\n

Mas depois, do nada, aparece uma nuvem enorme e bloqueia o sol. Come\u00e7a a ficar frio e aquele belo e vasto oceano que me fazia sentir livre e feliz deixa de ser um lugar seguro. <\/span><\/p>\n

Now it\u2019s like being trapped in a scary nightmare in which I\u2019m fighting for my every breath. Big waves are drowning me and land is nowhere to be found. I\u2019m helpless. Helpless and alone. <\/span><\/p>\n

And this happens all the time. I drift off in my thoughts, I\u2019m in a safe place and then the clouds appear all of a sudden. I never see it coming and I can\u2019t chase it away. <\/span><\/p>\n

And I never know when it\u2019s coming again. I can only hope it doesn\u2019t. <\/span><\/p>\n

I know I\u2019m not alone. <\/span><\/p>\n

In the beginning, I thought I was. I thought that something was seriously wrong. I know that there are people like me out there. And I want to tell you that you\u2019re not alone. You\u2019re not crazy. <\/span><\/p>\n

Talk to someone, anyone. Talk to someone you trust, a friend or a family member, a therapist. You have to let those thoughts out. You have to say them out loud. You have to get confirmation that you\u2019re not different from everyone else. <\/span><\/p>\n

There are a lot of us out there who struggle every day with trying to win this battle but they don\u2019t talk about it. And then you think you\u2019re the only one. <\/b><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve kept my thoughts to myself for years because I was too scared to be labeled as the crazy one. Who in their right mind is thinking about death but doesn\u2019t want to die? I was so scared they were going to commit me and pronounce me unfit to live on my own.<\/span><\/p>\n

Depois arrisquei-me e falei com a pessoa em quem mais confiava. Depois encontrei apoio e um lugar seguro para onde ir sempre que estes pensamentos, estes sentimentos que s\u00e3o t\u00e3o reais como os seus, me consomem.<\/span><\/p>\n

Don\u2019t hesitate to ask for help. Don\u2019t be ashamed of what is happening to you. You\u2019re not the only one. You\u2019re not mad. You are just being honest with yourself. You\u2019re accepting what you\u2019re feeling. <\/span><\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I can\u2019t even tell you how many times I\u2019ve imagined I\u2019m dead. I can\u2019t even describe to you how many times I\u2019ve seen my own funeral, the people around the coffin, how many times I\u2019ve imagined what the world would look like without me in it. I don\u2019t know why but these thoughts seem to…<\/p>","protected":false},"author":41,"featured_media":26969,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29653],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-26968","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-letters"],"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":29653,"label":"letters"}]},"featured_image_src_large":["https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2018\/10\/kristina-tripkovic-649227-unsplash.jpg",800,533,false],"author_info":{"display_name":"Martha Sullivan","author_link":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/author\/martha-sullivan\/"},"comment_info":0,"category_info":[{"term_id":29653,"name":"letters","slug":"letters","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":29653,"taxonomy":"category","description":"Regardless if you're looking for moving on, romantic, emotional, or open letters on various topics, you can be sure that you'll find it all here. ","parent":29651,"count":207,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":29653,"category_count":207,"category_description":"Regardless if you're looking for moving on, romantic, emotional, or open letters on various topics, you can be sure that you'll find it all here. ","cat_name":"letters","category_nicename":"letters","category_parent":29651}],"tag_info":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26968","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/41"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=26968"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/26968\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/26969"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=26968"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=26968"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=26968"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}