{"id":36903,"date":"2019-05-21T07:23:00","date_gmt":"2019-05-21T07:23:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/herway.net\/?p=36903"},"modified":"2022-02-27T12:31:27","modified_gmt":"2022-02-27T12:31:27","slug":"nao-estou-mesmo-bem-mas-vou-estar","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/nao-estou-mesmo-bem-mas-vou-estar\/","title":{"rendered":"N\u00e3o estou mesmo bem, mas vou ficar"},"content":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s fine, everything\u2019s fine.
No, it\u2019s really not, but it will be.<\/em><\/b><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Relationships are not easy. They’re never easy. Relationships require compromise. They require you to extend yourself for the sake of the other. I thought we had developed a relationship. Perhaps our relationship was actually a situa\u00e7\u00e3o<\/a>.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

These last few months I\u2019ve gone from hating you, to missing you, to forgiving you. It\u2019s ridiculous the amount of time I have spent trying to sort through what everything meant. I wonder if you\u2019ve given it one thought. We\u2019re so very different. How did we get here? Why did our relationship evolve the way that it did?<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I think about how we began. Wild, crazy, spur of the moment, and then it continued. It continued until it ended. We took a break. And then it began again. This was our pattern. For weeks, months, and then a year. Until it really ended. We haven\u2019t talked since.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I have an internal debate every day, wondering if I should reach out to you and say hi. I\u2019m terrified of the outcome. Either you\u2019ll turn me away or we\u2019ll slip back into the vicious cycle we\u2019ve been through multiple times before. So I don\u2019t say hi, I don\u2019t reach out, but I do think about you. I wonder if you\u2019re thinking about me. It hurts me. I\u2019m convinced you don\u2019t.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I have a strong desire to be close to you. I miss you when I can\u2019t see you or talk to you. I think about you all the time. I guess if I had to sum it up, I\u2019d say I still love you.<\/em><\/b><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\"N\u00e3o<\/figure>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

If I could turn back time, I don\u2019t know what I\u2019d choose. Part of me thinks we shouldn\u2019t have ever begun. Part of me wishes we\u2019d never ended. I miss you. You\u2019d become my habit; my drug. I was addicted. We talked daily for hours. We shared stories and we talked about our pasts. We\u2019d gotten to know each other, I thought. I miss that friend. Smart me, or realistic me, or scarred me realized we were never really friends. And that hurts.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I\u2019ve been through a lot<\/a>. I\u2019ll spare the details, but it\u2019s part of who I am. As much as I\u2019ve grown past all of it, it\u2019s a part of me. And it\u2019s meant to be told. For me. For healing.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I am a happy person. I have a good life. I love my family. I love my friends. When I\u2019m someone\u2019s friend, I\u2019m all in. Unfortunately, I let my guard down, despite my gut instinct. I got hurt\u2026 BAD. I got sad. I was traumatized.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Life\u2019s not fair. You\u2019ve heard it before \u2013 you\u2019ve said it, it\u2019s true. I\u2019m not saying emotional trauma defines me in any sense. I\u2019m admitting it\u2019s become a part of me and I need to accept it as such. Someone broke me. That doesn\u2019t mean I am weak. It only means I have a big heart and I let the wrong person in.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

You shouldn\u2019t have lied and told me I could trust you. You shouldn\u2019t have lied and told me you loved me if you didn\u2019t. You shouldn\u2019t have played with my emotions, insecurities, or life. Don\u2019t pretend to be my friend if you just plan to use and lose me. You spent months breaking down my walls of insecurity only to crush the person behind them.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I trusted you. I let you in. You devastated me. I participated, yes. HELL, I CLUNG TO YOU. I thought you were my friend. You played me and won. Then you walked away. You left me to pick up the broken pieces alone. You said, swore, promised you wouldn\u2019t. I can\u2019t even describe the pain your presence in my life has caused. It will haunt me for the rest of my life.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Perguntou-me uma vez, \u201cA question that\u2019s always hung out there for me was if you resent me or getting involved with me because of the way things turned out?\u201d<\/em><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

At the time I didn\u2019t resent you. I\u2019d wished on multiple occasions I could just go back to being that ME, but if I had, I would\u2019ve missed the experience of you. I wish now I\u2019d never fallen for your lies. Mostly, I wish your words had been true. It\u2019s hard to admit it, but I miss you.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

You were deceitful. I know I can\u2019t be mad at people for not feeling or caring about others like I do. But, I can be mad when people say I can trust them, when I was right from the start that I shouldn\u2019t.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I trusted you. I wanted to believe you were good. I wanted to believe that you were my friend, that you cared, and that you were who you said you were. But, you proved me wrong. Again. And again. And\u2026 again. Yet, I couldn\u2019t give up. Something about you pulled me in and kept me close. I wanted you. I wanted to be near you and be your friend. I wanted to be that person you could lean on. But I failed. I failed you. I failed me. Because we weren\u2019t friends. You were just using me.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I loved you. I believed you loved me too. I forgive you. You taught me a lesson I won\u2019t soon forget. The scars that our friendship caused me will forever be with me. I sacrificed my beliefs. I sacrificed a lot. I have no idea how you truly feel. Perhaps I never will. Box it up, tape it, and shove it wherever you put things you don\u2019t want to think about, worry about, dwell on. That\u2019s what you do. I know that. It\u2019s always driven me crazy as I know I\u2019ve driven you crazy too. We are who we are. We haven\u2019t changed.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

My biggest fear is losing people in my life. I\u2019ve lost so many. Goodbyes are hard and painful. I shared all this with you and you said it wouldn\u2019t happen to us. We had too much invested, you said you loved me. You lied. You left. And, you suck. You\u2019re not a nice person. At all.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Our relationship\/situationship taught me a lesson. I\u2019m strong. I knew this before, but events confirmed I can be taken to my all-time low and still bounce back. I believe in myself again. I regret that it took me so long to realize this. I regret that I didn\u2019t cut you out of my life after you encouraged me to make the worst decision ever.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

Something like that is never completely behind you. But I\u2019m trying to do the best that I can to move on and be positive and not be the mess of a person that I know I am if I dwell on it. That\u2019s not to say that I don\u2019t have days that it\u2019s on my mind, because I definitely do.<\/em><\/b><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

I want so badly to be mad at you. I\u2019ve tried so damn hard. But, I find myself defending you. Our relationship, or whatever it was, meant something to me.<\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

por Gwen Kielman <\/b><\/p>\r\n\r\n\r\n\r\n

\"N\u00e3o<\/figure>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It\u2019s fine, everything\u2019s fine.No, it\u2019s really not, but it will be. Relationships are not easy. They’re never easy. Relationships require compromise. They require you to extend yourself for the sake of the other. I thought we had developed a relationship. Perhaps our relationship was actually a situationship. These last few months I\u2019ve gone from hating…<\/p>","protected":false},"author":40,"featured_media":36911,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29617],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-36903","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-heartbreak"],"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":29617,"label":"heartbreak"}]},"featured_image_src_large":["https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/05\/shutterstock_342572120.jpg",800,534,false],"author_info":{"display_name":"Tara Brown","author_link":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/author\/tara-brown\/"},"comment_info":0,"category_info":[{"term_id":29617,"name":"heartbreak","slug":"heartbreak","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":29617,"taxonomy":"category","description":"Recovering after having your heart broken is tough. That's why I've decided to collect different stories of heartbreak - to help everyone going through the same.","parent":38,"count":146,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":29617,"category_count":146,"category_description":"Recovering after having your heart broken is tough. That's why I've decided to collect different stories of heartbreak - to help everyone going through the same.","cat_name":"heartbreak","category_nicename":"heartbreak","category_parent":38}],"tag_info":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36903","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/40"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=36903"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/36903\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/36911"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=36903"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=36903"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=36903"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}