{"id":39247,"date":"2019-06-25T13:14:28","date_gmt":"2019-06-25T13:14:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/herway.net\/?p=39247"},"modified":"2022-02-10T11:03:57","modified_gmt":"2022-02-10T11:03:57","slug":"o-meu-divorcio-define-me-e-nao-me-importo-com-isso","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/o-meu-divorcio-define-me-e-nao-me-importo-com-isso\/","title":{"rendered":"O meu div\u00f3rcio define-me e n\u00e3o me importo com isso"},"content":{"rendered":"

Recentemente, sa\u00ed para beber um copo. Conheci uma pessoa no bar e, depois de come\u00e7armos a falar, descobrimos alguns paralelismos absolutamente loucos entre os nossos casamentos, os nossos div\u00f3rcios e at\u00e9 o facto de os nossos antigos c\u00f4njuges voltarem a casar. Sim, o meu vai voltar a casar-se em menos de duas semanas, se \u00e9 que podem acreditar.<\/p>\r\n

As the conversation went on, there were moments I felt bad I was talking so much in the past. As much as I openly write about it, and like confronting it, knowing that in doing so I am actually continuing to heal, it\u2019s not really something I like to talk about for too long.<\/p>\r\n

I find that it bores people, but she wasn\u2019t bored. I find that people think it\u2019s odd to talk about the past so much, but I don\u2019t do it because I\u2019m not over it.<\/p>\r\n

Dei por mim a faz\u00ea-lo, porque, por muito que saiba que n\u00e3o estou sozinha, sinto-me muitas vezes sozinha. Sozinha naquilo por que passei. Not many people can understand what I have been through. They can care, sympathize, empathize even, but they don\u2019t get it as I do. They can\u2019t. <\/strong><\/p>\r\n

It\u2019s not their fault, and I don\u2019t harbor resentment that most people cannot possibly begin to fathom the fear, the terror, the anger, and the sadness that I have been through.<\/em><\/p>\r\n

I started writing at the urging of my friends. They told me I had a way of phrasing things; they told me my stories were funny, they told me my story deserved to be told. I thought it certainly couldn\u2019t hurt to share my funny, and sad, stories with others.<\/p>\r\n

Recebo mensagens de pessoas que dizem que a minha escrita lhes diz algo, ou que as ajudou, ou que me agradecem por partilhar o que fa\u00e7o. Isso faz-me continuar. Isso, e o facto de um efeito secund\u00e1rio totalmente inesperado de eu partilhar a minha vida muito pessoal com os outros ser o de me curar a mim pr\u00f3pria.<\/p>\r\n

\"O<\/p>\r\n

Mas apercebo-me agora que, ao faz\u00ea-lo, ao partilhar estas hist\u00f3rias muito pessoais convosco, e tamb\u00e9m na minha vida privada, o meu div\u00f3rcio define-me.<\/p>\r\n

Now, when I say that, I certainly don\u2019t mean that it\u2019s the biggest aspect of my life, because it isn\u2019t. Think about it. What else defines me?<\/p>\r\n

Ser m\u00e3e define-me, a minha carreira define-me, o meu blogue at\u00e9 me define nesta altura.<\/strong> It doesn\u2019t mean I am only a mother, or a writer, or even just a divorcee (I\u2019ve always wanted to say that word even once to try it on for size). It is not the end of who I am, but yes, it is very much a part of who I am.<\/p>\r\n

Were it not for my marriage I wouldn\u2019t be a mother, maybe not even a writer. I also wouldn\u2019t be a divorcee.<\/em><\/p>\r\n

Furthermore, I wouldn\u2019t have endured years of emotional abuse, years that sometimes come back to haunt me. Years that while they tore down who I used to be, also helped build the woman that I am. And is that a bad thing?<\/p>\r\n

How can I take something, that was such a big part of my life, that played such a huge role in creating the person I am, and judge myself for it being such a big part of my story? How can I act as if it doesn\u2019t matter, or doesn\u2019t define me?<\/p>\r\n

I suppose I could lie to myself, and tell myself that my divorce doesn\u2019t define me, but that wouldn\u2019t be authentic, and I pride myself on being authentic.<\/p>\r\n

The fact is that in my day to day life, there are always times when I catch myself slipping in the words, \u201cMy children\u2019s father,\u201d or, \u201cmy X\u201d or, \u201cWhen I was married\u2026\u201d because it took up the space of half of my life, so to pretend it didn\u2019t exist now seems absurd to me.<\/p>\r\n

That doesn\u2019t mean I have to live in the past, or carry all that hurt with me, but to say that there aren\u2019t times that those old feelings of insecurity don\u2019t pop up is a bald-faced lie. I am not the person I am sitting here at this laptop if I am not the woman who has been through hell and back.<\/p>\r\n

Posso manter a minha cabe\u00e7a erguida. Estou a seguir em frente. Estou a seguir em frente e estou a faz\u00ea-lo com gra\u00e7a, estilo e uma for\u00e7a impressionante, mas continuo a ser a mulher que permitiu que um homem a controlasse durante mais de duas d\u00e9cadas.<\/p>\r\n

I may be in a place where I would never allow that again, but to pretend that part of me doesn\u2019t exist is not only untrue, but it is not fair to who I am today.<\/strong><\/p>\r\n

It is not acknowledging that the woman before you today has had her share of trials. It is pretending as if I don\u2019t know what it\u2019s like to love someone who will never love you back, because they can only love themselves.<\/em><\/p>\r\n

It is as if I had a disease that ravaged my body for 20 years, and once it\u2019s healed, I never speak of it again. It is most definitely a part of the words you can use to define me. And I am more than okay with that.<\/p>\r\n

\"O<\/p>\r\n

Tenho de reconhecer o mau, para saber que \u00e9 bom. Pensa nisso. Sem nascimento, n\u00e3o haveria morte. Sem amor, n\u00e3o haveria desgosto. Sem o bem, n\u00e3o haveria o mal.<\/p>\r\n

O mundo existe dentro de polaridades. O meu div\u00f3rcio define-me, um aspeto de quem eu sou.<\/strong> It\u2019s not the final word on who I am. It is not the end of my story, but it is a chapter I would remiss to ignore.<\/p>\r\n

So yes, it felt weird to be sharing these things with someone, other than my page. It felt almost \u2018wrong\u2019 at first, to speak these horrible things from my past, to not relive them, but to talk about them as if they were as simple as which melon I chose at the store last night. It created a sense of connecting on a deeper level with someone else.<\/p>\r\n

Fizeram-me sentir que n\u00e3o estava t\u00e3o s\u00f3. Fizeram-me perceber que sou uma divorciada que esteve numa rela\u00e7\u00e3o abusiva. Ajudaram-me a aceitar o facto de que terei sempre uma pequena parte de mim que me pergunta se sou suficientemente boa. They remind me there were worse times than what I\u2019m going through now.<\/strong><\/p>\r\n

Lately has been a bit tough on me mentally. While I am obviously in a much better place, I have a lot on my mind, and being a single mom, there\u2019s no one to help get everything accomplished. My mind goes pretty much non-stop, and I\u2019ve even had to change my anti-anxiety meds to actually get some sleep.<\/p>\r\n

Mas, quando a senhora e eu est\u00e1vamos a conversar no bar, fal\u00e1mos de como houve uma altura em que ter\u00edamos sonhado estar exatamente onde estamos agora. That\u2019s not to say we have accomplished all our goals, or that we are done achieving, but there was a time, not that long ago in the scheme of things, that we feared we would not be where we are now.<\/em><\/p>\r\n

Ela, tendo comprado o seu pr\u00f3prio carro e casa, apenas em seu nome, e tendo uma carreira de sucesso por direito pr\u00f3prio. Estas s\u00e3o coisas que alguns podem considerar garantidas, mas eu sei exatamente como ela se sente.<\/p>\r\n

You see, my car is only in my name because his credit was so bad we couldn\u2019t add it. I have gone from someone who, at one point, had $55 to my name, and no idea how to pay my bills, to someone who has made that car payment every month, and it\u2019s not small.<\/p>\r\n

A minha \u00fanica d\u00edvida \u00e9 o cr\u00e9dito a estudantes e a presta\u00e7\u00e3o do carro, que espero pagar em menos de um ano. J\u00e1 n\u00e3o recebo avisos de desconex\u00e3o, nem receio todos os dias como vou cuidar da minha fam\u00edlia, porque estou a faz\u00ea-lo sozinho. Houve uma altura, de que me lembro claramente, em que n\u00e3o sabia como iria fazer tudo isto e, quando era casada, a minha situa\u00e7\u00e3o financeira era de facto muito pior, com muito mais rendimentos.<\/p>\r\n

Estou a preparar-me para levar os meus filhos a ver o oceano, algo que o meu mais velho pede para ver desde os quatro anos de idade e que nunca pudemos pagar juntos. Estou a faz\u00ea-lo. Disse-lhe que adoro pagar as minhas contas, porque posso.<\/em><\/p>\r\n

I suppose most people hate paying bills, and I can understand that too; after all, it greatly diminishes your expendable income. But for someone who used to live in constant fear of money, and anxiety that there was never enough, there\u2019s enough.<\/p>\r\n

Embora ainda tenha o objetivo de viajar e comprar a minha pr\u00f3pria casa, s\u00f3 com o meu nome, posso reconhecer, e ter orgulho na mulher que sou hoje.<\/strong><\/p>\r\n

Por isso, sim, o meu div\u00f3rcio define-me.<\/em><\/p>\r\n

Tornou-me numa mulher que se fez a si pr\u00f3pria. Tornou-me mais forte do que alguma vez sonhei ser. Obrigou-me a passar tempo sozinha, a conhecer esta bela alma que esteve alojada neste corpo durante todos estes anos. Tamb\u00e9m n\u00e3o estou aborrecida por isso me definir. Na verdade, sinto-me bastante orgulhosa.<\/p>\r\n

O que \u00e9 que o define? Que trag\u00e9dia ou dificuldade do seu passado ajudou a criar a pessoa que \u00e9 hoje? Algo do seu passado de que j\u00e1 quis fugir e deixar para tr\u00e1s? Abrace-o.<\/p>\r\n

Encorajo-vos a abra\u00e7ar essas partes dif\u00edceis de n\u00f3s que achamos dif\u00edceis de engolir, porque elas fazem exatamente quem voc\u00eas s\u00e3o hoje.<\/strong> E quando come\u00e7ares a refletir sobre as coisas que te faltam realizar, lembra-te do caminho que percorreste desde a pessoa que eras.<\/p>\r\n

Pense em como essa pessoa ficaria orgulhosa se a visse hoje. Sei que a mulher que eu era h\u00e1 dois anos n\u00e3o s\u00f3 ficaria chocada com a mulher que sou hoje, como tamb\u00e9m ficaria orgulhosa e completamente inspirada.<\/p>\r\n

Muito amor,
Adriana<\/p>\r\n

por Adrienne Verdad<\/b><\/p>\r\n

\"O<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"","protected":false},"author":25,"featured_media":39254,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_kad_blocks_custom_css":"","_kad_blocks_head_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_body_custom_js":"","_kad_blocks_footer_custom_js":"","_kadence_starter_templates_imported_post":false,"_kad_post_transparent":"","_kad_post_title":"","_kad_post_layout":"","_kad_post_sidebar_id":"","_kad_post_content_style":"","_kad_post_vertical_padding":"","_kad_post_feature":"","_kad_post_feature_position":"","_kad_post_header":false,"_kad_post_footer":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[29623],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-39247","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-marriage"],"taxonomy_info":{"category":[{"value":29623,"label":"marriage"}]},"featured_image_src_large":["https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2019\/06\/shutterstock_1339397624-56.jpg",800,534,false],"author_info":{"display_name":"Amy Nicholson","author_link":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/author\/amy\/"},"comment_info":0,"category_info":[{"term_id":29623,"name":"marriage","slug":"marriage","term_group":0,"term_taxonomy_id":29623,"taxonomy":"category","description":"Establishing a happy marriage is not an easy task. Learning how to recognize red flags and deal with issues will help you make your marriage successful.","parent":29620,"count":474,"filter":"raw","cat_ID":29623,"category_count":474,"category_description":"Establishing a happy marriage is not an easy task. Learning how to recognize red flags and deal with issues will help you make your marriage successful.","cat_name":"marriage","category_nicename":"marriage","category_parent":29620}],"tag_info":false,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39247","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/25"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=39247"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39247\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/39254"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=39247"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=39247"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/herway.net\/pt\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=39247"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}