Let’s imagine the following scenario.<\/p>\n
Chega a casa depois de um longo dia de trabalho, ansioso por ver a sua cara-metade, e enquanto voc\u00ea est\u00e1 radiante de emo\u00e7\u00f5es, ela fica sobrecarregada e tenta fugir para outro quarto o mais depressa poss\u00edvel.<\/p>\n
Ficamos com um sentimento de insatisfa\u00e7\u00e3o e perguntamo-nos o que fizemos de errado, por isso seguimo-los, o que piora ainda mais a situa\u00e7\u00e3o.<\/b><\/p>\n
Isto soa-lhe familiar?<\/p>\n
Sim? N\u00e3o?<\/p>\n
If your answer is yes, and it\u2019s happened more than once, I am sorry to inform you that you have been or maybe still are dancing the pursuer-distancer dance. What does that mean, you may ask?<\/p>\n
Bem, enquanto voc\u00eas procuravam aten\u00e7\u00e3o e tempo de qualidade juntos, o vosso parceiro procurava algum tempo sozinho e espa\u00e7o para si pr\u00f3prio.<\/p>\n
\u00c9 claro que a situa\u00e7\u00e3o poderia ser inversa, e pode ser o \u00fanico a querer espa\u00e7o<\/a>Mas, neste caso espec\u00edfico, era o perseguidor e o seu parceiro era a dist\u00e2ncia.<\/p>\n As rela\u00e7\u00f5es rom\u00e2nticas, na sua ess\u00eancia, devem ser sobre amor, carinho e respeito m\u00fatuo, e quando dizemos que estamos numa, devemos sentir-nos felizes com isso, sem qualquer sentimento de press\u00e3o. Parece f\u00e1cil, n\u00e3o \u00e9?<\/p>\n BUT \u2013 there\u2019s always a but \u2013 it\u2019s easier said than done. Why?<\/p>\n Porque cada ser humano, por mais parecido que seja com outro, continua a ser um indiv\u00edduo e tem as suas pr\u00f3prias necessidades, a sua pr\u00f3pria perce\u00e7\u00e3o do mundo e, no final, a sua pr\u00f3pria perce\u00e7\u00e3o de como deve ser uma rela\u00e7\u00e3o.<\/p>\n Numa rela\u00e7\u00e3o perseguidor-distanciador, temos dois lados completamente opostos.<\/p>\n On one end, we have a pursuer who behaves in a way that requires her partner’s full devotion, and on the other, a distancing partner who requires alone time and isn\u2019t able to be devoted to his partner all the time.<\/p>\n Ent\u00e3o, como reconhecer que se est\u00e1 numa rela\u00e7\u00e3o deste tipo e como faz\u00ea-la funcionar de forma positiva?<\/p>\n Em primeiro lugar, j\u00e1 alguma vez sentiu que o seu parceiro est\u00e1 distante enquanto voc\u00ea se sente mais ligado e partilha mais, apesar de, \u00e0 primeira vista, tudo parecer estar bem?<\/p>\n Ou sentiu que precisava de fugir e desejava poder parar tudo por uns tempos?<\/p>\n Se uma destas duas situa\u00e7\u00f5es lhe tocar, receio que j\u00e1 tenha vivido exatamente este tipo de rela\u00e7\u00e3o.<\/p>\n Pursuers seek communication, togetherness, and closeness. Their attachment style is quite anxious. Whenever something happens that triggers negative emotions, they’re quick to try and fix the situation.<\/p>\n Por outro lado, o distanciamento o parceiro tem um estilo de vincula\u00e7\u00e3o evitante<\/a> e beneficia da separa\u00e7\u00e3o.<\/p>\n \u200bSome people believe that there’s a basic gender difference recognized in the pursuer-distancer relationship where women tend to be the pursuers and men tend to be distant. Of course, this isn’t always the case.<\/p>\n People in these relationships usually follow a pattern that works like this: A pursuer believes they are the ones who care more and give more to the relationship, and the distance feels like they aren’t being appreciated enough.<\/b><\/p>\n The truth is, just because a pursuer has a different attachment style, it doesn’t mean they care more.<\/p>\n The distancer’s behavior doesn’t speak about their affection and love for their partner (or lack thereof), and that’s very important to remember if you plan on fixing things.<\/p>\n Como quebrar a din\u00e2mica perseguidor-distanciador? <\/span><\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n Para quebrar a din\u00e2mica perseguidor-distanciador, tem de haver envolvimento de ambos os parceiros numa rela\u00e7\u00e3o ou, consequentemente, a rela\u00e7\u00e3o n\u00e3o acabar\u00e1 bem.<\/p>\n A raz\u00e3o \u00e9 muito simples. Se apenas um dos parceiros estiver a esfor\u00e7ar-se e a sentir-se o principal contribuinte da rela\u00e7\u00e3o, pode sentir que existe uma falta de respeito m\u00fatuo.<\/p>\n E ningu\u00e9m gosta de se sentir desrespeitado e negligenciado.<\/p>\n With that being said, let’s check out what both sides can individually do to improve their relations and to stop the unending pursuer-distancer dance.<\/p>\n O perseguidor deve:<\/b><\/em> <\/span><\/p>\n Whichever way of pursuing your partner is your style, you should stop it. If you’re constantly calling and texting them to make sure they’re in tune with your relationship, you should put an end to it.<\/p>\n If you’re trying to motivate them to approach your relationship the way you do \u2013 stop.<\/p>\n Your relationship style probably includes you trying to control your partner’s behavior as much as you can since you’re trying to stop them from making mistakes you expect them to make.<\/p>\n Whichever your pursuit style is, call it off. It’s not your job to handle everything in the relationship. The more you chase them, the more distant they become.<\/p>\n It’s your time to distanciar-se<\/a>.<\/p>\n As a pursuer, you’re focused on your partner’s needs instead of your own. One of the most important things you should do in order to break your pattern of pursuing is to shift that focus.<\/p>\n Think about your own emotional needs. Focus on satisfying these instead of trying to fulfill your partner’s needs or pushing them into following the behavior that you believe to be caring, loving, and perceptive.<\/p>\n N\u00e3o pode esperar que o seu parceiro satisfa\u00e7a as suas necessidades, nem investir todo o seu tempo e energia na satisfa\u00e7\u00e3o das necessidades dele.<\/p>\n The distancing partner would appreciate relationship dynamics in which they don’t feel chased all the time. They are willing to respond to your requests, but you should strive to be softer in your approach.<\/p>\n You breathing down their neck to give you a response only pushes them further away because it’s too stressful for them \u2013 and they tend to flee situations that are too stressful.<\/p>\n If you learn to back off, they’ll feel more like they’re in an emotionally safe environment and will open up to you more freely.<\/p>\n They see themselves as self-reliant and respond best when they don’t feel pursued or pushed.<\/p>\n O que temos de fazer \u00e9 aprender a dar-lhes espa\u00e7o e stop fearing you’ll lose them<\/a>.<\/p>\n O distanciador deve:<\/b><\/em> <\/span><\/p>\n Embora possa ser dif\u00edcil e exija algum esfor\u00e7o suplementar, por vezes, basta compreender o que o seu parceiro precisa e dar-lho.<\/p>\n A forma como o seu parceiro se sente deve ser importante para si se quiser ter uma rela\u00e7\u00e3o feliz.<\/p>\n No final do dia, tem de perceber que n\u00e3o est\u00e1 sozinho na rela\u00e7\u00e3o. Voc\u00ea \u00e9 uma metade da rela\u00e7\u00e3o; a outra \u00e9 o seu parceiro.<\/p>\n Por isso, para que a rela\u00e7\u00e3o funcione, n\u00e3o pode ser um livro fechado e esperar que eles adivinhem sempre o que precisa e como se sente.<\/p>\n Fale com o seu parceiro e assegure-lhe que ele \u00e9 importante para si, caso contr\u00e1rio poder\u00e1 sentir que \u00e9 um fardo para si.<\/p>\n You can’t expect your partner to always be the one who shows affection and think that\u2019s normal.<\/p>\n If you are stonewalling your partner while they are trying to be more close to you, and never initiating affection, you\u2019ll only succeed in making them believe you don’t love them and wonder why you\u2019re even with them.<\/p>\n So, if you want a normal, healthy relationship, you need to show to your partner that you care about them \u2013 and not only by telling them now and then, but actually proving it to them in your deeds.<\/p>\n An intimate relationship \u2013 whether it is a 2-month or a 10-year-long marriage \u2013 requires some quality time spent with your partner. It is one of the foundational ingredients of every relationship.<\/p>\n Significa que, sem ela, a vossa rela\u00e7\u00e3o est\u00e1 simplesmente condenada ao fracasso.<\/p>\n By spending time together, you learn about your partner \u2013 how they think, what they need \u2013 and hopefully you are also enjoying that time, otherwise the whole relationship is pointless.<\/p>\n Therefore, if you don’t want to feel suffocated by your partner’s attention and feel like they are sitting on your shoulders all the time, find the time to devote yourself completely to them, so they don’t feel neglected, and everything should be just fine.<\/p>\n Sinais de alerta de dist\u00e2ncia numa rela\u00e7\u00e3o<\/em><\/strong> <\/span><\/p>\n Todas as rela\u00e7\u00f5es, independentemente da sua dura\u00e7\u00e3o e afeto, chegam a um determinado momento em que os parceiros se sentem distantes um do outro.<\/p>\n Por vezes, significa que basta mudar certas coisas e tudo voltar\u00e1 ao normal, mas tamb\u00e9m pode ser um sinal de algo muito mais grave, como a perda de um amor.<\/p>\n If you believe your relationship patterns are similar to the pursuer-distancer dynamic we’ve been describing, you might be wondering if there really is any distance between you and your partner.<\/p>\n Ent\u00e3o, quais s\u00e3o os sinais de alerta a que deve estar atento?<\/p>\n A noite de quarta-feira estava sempre reservada para voc\u00eas os dois? \u00c0s vezes era uma noite louca, outras vezes era ficar abra\u00e7ado no sof\u00e1 a ver filmes, mas era vossa.<\/p>\n Now all of a sudden, he has some other plans that don’t include you, and it happens over and over again without any logical explanation.<\/p>\n Or, for example, you used to drink your morning coffee together no matter what, and no way would you fall asleep without your goodnight kiss \u2013 that was your padr\u00e3o de relacionamento<\/b> desde o in\u00edcio.<\/p>\n But now he\u2019s in the habit of skipping those parts of the day for no reason. These little changes are actually quite big and can mean that something is off.<\/p>\n No in\u00edcio da vossa rela\u00e7\u00e3o, costumavam passar o tempo<\/b> together almost every day, and you were able to do it regardless of other obligations, but now you are more distant \u2013 not only mentally, but physically.<\/p>\n Of course, it is normal that these things happen. That\u2019s life and certain things are not possible to delay.<\/p>\n However, what\u2019s not normal is that you can see your partner is now not even trying to make time for you; you are the last “thing” on his list of priorities.<\/p>\n One of the biggest signs that something is out of order is your partner’s change of habits.<\/p>\n If he was the type of guy who used to stay at home during weekends, and now he wants to spend every weekend partying, you can see that he is trying to make some change and that the routine is not working for him anymore, especially if you aren\u2019t invited to those parties.<\/p>\n Al\u00e9m disso, se notar que ele evita com mais frequ\u00eancia coisas que eram normais na vossa rela\u00e7\u00e3o e se desvia do fluxo regular da mesma, algo est\u00e1 definitivamente estranho.<\/p>\n Quando as pessoas querem afastar-se de algu\u00e9m<\/a>Tamb\u00e9m querem que os seus entes queridos n\u00e3o mantenham qualquer tipo de rela\u00e7\u00e3o com essa pessoa.<\/p>\n Por isso, se reparar que o seu parceiro j\u00e1 n\u00e3o a convida para as reuni\u00f5es de fam\u00edlia ou para as sa\u00eddas com os amigos, como fazia antes, \u00e9 tamb\u00e9m um sinal de que ele est\u00e1 distante.<\/p>\n The reason behind this change most probably is that he doesn\u2019t feel the need to share every part of his life with you, and friends and family are the most intimate parts of his life.<\/p>\n Estas s\u00e3o pessoas de quem ele gosta e que quer do seu lado.<\/p>\n Quando tudo estava normal, e n\u00e3o havia dist\u00e2ncia emocional<\/b> between you, you could sit in the same room for hours without the need to make small talk, because you felt comfortable and it wasn\u2019t awkward.<\/p>\n However, if that is not the case anymore, and you don’t feel like you can be one hundred percent yourself around them \u2013 you feel as if you annoy your partner by your mere presence \u2013 then there is something wrong in your relationship.<\/p>\n This doesn’t have to mean that you don’t love each other anymore, but definitely that it\u2019s time to talk about what’s wrong and why you\u2019re feeling that way.<\/p>\n Imagine a seguinte situa\u00e7\u00e3o: Algu\u00e9m lhe pergunta onde est\u00e1 o seu parceiro, ou com quem saiu, e voc\u00ea n\u00e3o faz a m\u00ednima ideia.<\/p>\n Okay, it can happen sometimes, but if you notice that it\u2019s become the norm for him not to tell you these things, then he is certainly pulling back.<\/p>\n He doesn’t feel the need to share the details of his day with you because he doesn\u2019t see you as someone who is close to him anymore.<\/p>\n Maybe he\u2019s sharing with his friends or family, and at some point, you\u2019ve become an extra in that equation.<\/p>\n Depois de cada dia de loucura no trabalho, com a fam\u00edlia ou com os amigos, o seu lugar seguro era junto de si.<\/p>\n There wasn\u2019t a night in which you did not spend some tempo a s\u00f3s<\/b> , cuddling, talking, and sharing those special moments where you felt so close to them.<\/p>\nHow to recognize you’re in a pursuer-distancer relationship<\/h2>\n
![\"mulher](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-holding-mans-hand-1.jpg\")
<\/p>\nO que \u00e9 que um perseguidor faz?<\/h2>\n
![\"mulher](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-hugging-man.jpg\")
<\/p>\n1. Cancelar a persegui\u00e7\u00e3o<\/h2>\n
![\"mulher](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-holding-mug.jpg\")
<\/p>\n2. Concentrar-se nas suas pr\u00f3prias necessidades<\/h2>\n
![\"mulher](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-sitting-near-seashore.jpg\")
<\/p>\n3. Deixar de pressionar e dar espa\u00e7o emocional<\/h2>\n
![\"mulher](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-sitting-on-armchair.jpg\")
<\/p>\n1. Fazer um esfor\u00e7o para partilhar os seus pensamentos<\/h2>\n
![\"homem](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/couple-sitting-on-dock-1.jpg\")
<\/p>\n2. Iniciar o afeto com mais frequ\u00eancia<\/h2>\n
![\"homem](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/man-kissing-womans-neck.jpg\")
<\/p>\n3. Programar tempo de qualidade<\/h2>\n
![\"homem](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/couple-holding-hands-2.jpg\")
<\/p>\n1. J\u00e1 n\u00e3o se preocupam com os seus pequenos rituais<\/h2>\n
![\"mulher](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-drinking-coffee.jpg\")
<\/p>\n2. Passam menos tempo juntos<\/h2>\n
![\"mulher](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-sitting-on-chair.jpg\")
<\/p>\n3. Mudam de h\u00e1bitos<\/h2>\n
![\"mulher](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-sitting-on-couch.jpg\")
<\/p>\n4. Mant\u00eam-no separado da fam\u00edlia e dos amigos<\/h2>\n
![\"mulher](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-sitting-on-kitchen-counter.jpg\")
<\/p>\n5. Sente-se estranho ao p\u00e9 deles<\/h2>\n
![\"mulher](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-leaning-on-sofa.jpg\")
<\/p>\n6. They’re evasive<\/h2>\n
![\"mulher](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-holding-on-window-blinds.jpg\")
<\/p>\n7. Retiram-se intimamente<\/h2>\n
![\"mulher](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-sitting-on-couch-1.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
![\"mulher](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/woman-sitting-on-sofa.jpg\")
<\/p>\n![\"Reconhecer](\"https:\/\/herway.net\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/07\/Recognize-Break-The-Pursuer-Distancer-Pattern-In-A-Relationship-Pinterest.jpg\")
<\/p>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"