Wondering how to give someone space without losing them?
Don’t worry because here’s everything you need to know about the benefits of giving someone space in a relationship, along with the best ways to do it!
Every relationship gets to the point where one partner starts or both partners start having a need for space.
If it’s not you but your partner who needs space in your relationship, I understand the feeling of confusion and the fear of losing them as a consequence of giving them the needed space.
I used to think the same but over time, I realized that giving space to each other in a relationship is the best thing I’ve ever done.
So, I can tell you for sure that there’s nothing you should worry about because needing space is a natural occurrence in every relationship and it’s not something you should fear.
Instead, you should embrace it! Now you’re probably wondering why so here’s why!
Many people think that the concept of giving space in a relationship is the worst thing that could happen to them or another word for a breakup.
But the truth is the opposite.
Giving each other space is a remedy that will change your perspective, wipe everything that’s (potentially) toxic in your relationship and give you an opportunity for a fresh start.
Now, this doesn’t necessarily mean that your relationship is broken.
If you notice that your partner is pulling away and if they tell you, “I need space,” it just means that.
It doesn’t mean that they are initiating a breakup or buying time while being on the lookout for someone else.
It means that they need a timeout. They need some time alone and little space for themselves to recharge, to focus on their own lives and to think about where your relationship is heading.
And that’s exactly what you need, too!
By giving your partner space, you will also have your own space and the right amount of time to think about your significant other, future decision-making and, most importantly, you’ll have time to do your own things that will cleanse your body and soul, which is a prerequisite of every healthy relationship.
Giving each other space doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll become strangers when you make decisions to stop texting or calling each other or seeing each other for some time.
On the contrary, this practice can make your relationship even stronger because it will give you the opportunity to clear your heads, to miss each other and to think about what you really want!
So, there’s no need to torture yourself with thinking: Will he come back if I give him space? or Will she come back if I give her space?
Of course, there’s always a chance that they won’t come back but this greatly depends on how you’re giving them space and their intentions as well.
However, you shouldn’t be worried about this one as well because you know what they say: ‘If you love something, let it go’.
If it was meant to be, it will come back to you’.
Summarized, if it’s meant to be, they will surely come back and you will reunite again and be stronger than ever!
So, there’s no need to worry about the outcome and the only thing you should focus on is learning how to give someone space and keep them by your side.
And here’s how you’ll do it!
HOW TO GIVE SOMEONE SPACE
Giving your partner space is much more than just stopping seeing each other.
It’s also about focusing on yourself and your free time, thinking about how to improve your love life, spending quality time with your friends and family, re-evaluating why you’re in a relationship with your partner in the first place and similar.
1. Stop texting and calling them
The biggest mistake that many partners make in relationships is thinking that the more they text or call their partner, the more they’ll think of them and miss them.
But it’s actually the opposite. The more you’re doing all that, the more they’ll feel trapped in a cage just like a bird that is thirsty for freedom.
You could keep sending text messages to your partner for your whole life without ever taking a break and this will not bring you anything good.
At the end of the day, the only thing they’ll think of is the need for space and not you.
So, when it comes to giving your partner space, the first thing you need to do is stop texting and calling them!
Trust me, the no contact rule is your best friend in this situation and it’s also some of the best relationship advice you’ll ever get!
When you stop texting and calling them, they will feel free again and they will most certainly start missing you! Why?
Because you miss someone because of their absence and not because of their presence.
When you’re no longer in touch with each other, you basically have no idea what is going on in each other’s lives.
You can only assume. And that’s when you start thinking about how they’re spending their day, what they’re doing in their free time and similar.
So, giving your girlfriend/boyfriend space by stopping texting and calling them will give them enough time to reset (if your girl/guy is a little bit unsure about their feelings) and to start missing you!
2. Stop stalking them on social media
Speaking from personal experience, I understand how hard it is to stop stalking your partner on social media during no contact because it’s the only way to stay in touch with them.
You literally wait for their next post, you’re the first one to press ‘Like’ or comment and then you wait for the next post, story or any type of activity that will give you the feeling that you’re an active part of their life.
Now, I’m not saying that you’re not an active part of their life but in this case, where you want to give them some space, you should become a little bit passive and stop stalking them on social media.
Because the more you’re giving them likes, commenting and waiting for their activities on social media and trying to reach them virtually, the more you’re making them feel trapped.
Also, following their every move on social media is bad for your mental health as well.
And not to mention possible jealousy outbursts due to some misunderstanding or similar.
So, instead of doing that, you should focus on the things happening in your life because that’s the only way to create balance in your relationship and life in general.
3. Do your own thing
Instead of texting, calling them or stalking them on social media, focus on doing your own thing! I bet it’s been a while since you did something solely for yourself.
When you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, you tend to lose a sense of your true self because you only focus on the activities that will benefit both of you.
And now is the time to change that. You need to reach your inner self again by asking yourself what are the things you used to enjoy but haven’t done in a while.
You need to focus on reconnecting with your friends and family, watching your favorite TV shows (I’m pretty sure there are some that you couldn’t watch with your partner), you need to find your passions again and do things that motivate you and inspire you.
By doing your own thing, you are less likely to think about what your partner is doing.
It’s the best distraction method that simply works every time!
Instead of waiting next to your phone and thinking about whether you should text them or not, use this time to focus on improving yourself.
Hit the gym, explore the benefits of a holistic lifestyle, read about your favorite topics, start guitar lessons or some online lessons that you’re interested in.
There are so many things you can do and I’m sure you’ll succeed in finding what works best for you!
4. Let yourself feel all of those panicky feelings
One of the biggest mistakes that you could make when giving someone space is trying to suppress all those panicky and uncomfortable feelings you have inside you.
If you do that, you can seriously harm yourself to the extent of becoming overly aggressive or developing obsessive-compulsive disorders.
So, instead of suppressing your feelings and ignoring them, let yourself indulge in feeling all of them!
Be them negative or positive, you need to accept those feelings because they are a part of your being and they are a part of the situation you’re in.
And it’s totally okay to feel this way!
It’s totally okay to be annoyed as fuck and wanting to destroy everything around you because you have no idea what is going on in your partner’s life but trust me, everything is in your head!
If you’re convinced that you’re headed for a breakup and you constantly think of the worst so try to reach them and tell them that they shouldn’t do it, then the chances are bigger that it will happen.
And not because it should’ve happened but because you did it to yourself by not giving them enough space.
So, let yourself feel all of those panicky feelings, accept them and understand that it’s normal to feel that way and that you shouldn’t react upon them.
And I can assure you that it will pass sooner than you think!
5. Understand that you can’t control their decisions
The urge to be in control of your relationship’s destiny forces you to constantly have the uncontrollable desire to reach your partner, to tell them how you see things from your perspective and to convince them that what you’re thinking is right.
Out of fear that you’ll lose them, you become desperate and try to do things you normally wouldn’t.
And that’s why it’s important to understand that you can’t control your partner’s decisions and vice versa.
Their thoughts, perspectives, and actions belong to them just like yours do to you and therefore, you cannot control them.
The only things you can control are your own thoughts, perspectives, and actions.
Once you accept the fact that you have no influence over their decisions, it will be easier for you to deal with the whole giving space situation.
You should keep in mind that their perception of your relationship differs from your own.
Perhaps they’re not satisfied with the amount of affection, effort or respect in the relationship and they would want to change that, while in your eyes, everything’s just fine.
And perhaps there’s nothing wrong with your relationship but they just want some time and space for themselves and no matter what they decide after a timeout, you shouldn’t worry about it at all! Why?
Because everything happens for a reason and there’s no point in forcing things to go in your direction.
You can control yourself and your own mindset, so focus on them.
Focus on becoming the best version of yourself and whatever happens, you’ll know that you did your best.
6. Evaluate your relationship
Learning how to give someone space also means evaluating your relationship as well.
The no contact period is a perfect time to learn about what’s lacking in your relationship (if anything) and if there’s something that needs to be improved!
To learn more about your relationship, consider asking yourself the following questions:
– What do I want from my partner?
– Will I be able to reciprocate?
– Am I happy in the relationship?
– What are some things that need to be changed in the relationship?
– Is it possible to change them?
– Would I be happier if I was single?
By asking yourself these questions, you will define what’s really going on in your relationship and it will be easier for you to understand what to do next.
Also, you will not judge your partner’s opinions and decisions because you’ll have better insight into the situation.
7. Make decisions for yourself
After you’ve evaluated the situation, it’s time to make decisions for yourself!
Instead of constantly thinking and overthinking about your partner’s decisions, you should focus on making your own! Why?
Because it’s the only way to know what you really want and need. Constantly relying on what your partner wants puts you in a passive position in the whole story.
You have to be an active part of your own life. You should know what you really want and what you really deserve.
So, waiting for your partner to decide for the both of you puts them in control of the situation.
It makes them superior to you and your state of becoming dependent on their will.
You should never let that happen.
You should focus on making your own decisions that will benefit you.
You should do what you think is best for you (even if it means going separate ways).
I understand that such decisions are easier said than done but it’s always better to be single than to be afraid of making your own choices for the sake of not disappointing your partner or similar.
Be honest with yourself. Look at things with a degree of rationality and decide to do what you think is best for you, your partner and your relationship.
And while you’re thinking about all that, don’t forget to enjoy things and spoil yourself with a long bubble bath, your favorite alcoholic beverage and other little joys of life.
Decide to be an active part of your love life and life in general instead of only relying on your partner’s will.
Decide to become the creator of your own happiness and see how things gradually change.
8. Embrace the outcome
When you give someone space, there are two things that can happen: You will either reunite or, for some reason, go your separate ways.
If you do all of the above, I can almost guarantee you that you will reunite sooner than you think as if nothing had happened and your relationship will be stronger than ever.
But in some cases, where the root of the need for space is more serious, a relationship becomes doomed and one of the partners initiates a breakup.
Now, I want you to understand one thing:
Whatever happens, you win!
If you reunite again after a timeout, congratulations! Your relationship will become stronger, more resilient and you’ll understand why you needed some space in the first place.
But if your partner concludes that your relationship is doomed and that there’s no point in fighting for it, or better said, if they disappear into thin air and you never hear from them again, you also win! Why?
Because it wasn’t meant to be and there’s no point in forcing something that will never work as it should.
Because their decision has just saved tons of your time and energy.
Because they gave you the chance to find someone who is right for you and to be happy again.
You see, whatever happens, you win! So, there’s no need to be afraid of giving them some space!
It’s the only way to find out whether you’re meant to be or if they’re just a chapter in your book called Life.