My only wish this year is to get over you. To prevent myself from feeling this strongly for you because let’s face it, you don’t deserve my love. You never have, and you never will.
But knowing that hasn’t stopped me from loving you anyway.
It’s like you have this hold over me that’s just ,won’t let me be. I have no peace. I have no sleep. I am barely holding my head above the water.
I am drowning in my tears when nobody is there to see and I keep lying to everyone around me that I am OK.
I am far from OK, but I want to get there. I want to be the woman I once was, not her pale shadow. That’s why I want to make this year a year of recovery.
It’s time to stop wishing for you to come back and start finding myself. I have to find a way to love myself again. Somewhere down the line, I forgot to do that.
It slipped my mind that I matter, too, because I was so focused on you. I prioritized your needs and your wishes and neglected my own.
I always gave more and tried harder. For what? Just so you could give back absolutely nothing. Your efforts were always minimal. You gave me just enough to hold on to but never enough to feel safe and sound by your side.
In my rational moments, I can’t see what is it that I love so much about you. But in my moments of weakness, I take a trip down memory lane, and it’s full of amazing moments. It is full of the nights you held me close and whispered the sweetest things and days in which I had your full attention.
Even if we had stayed together, I know I wouldn’t be happy. Because the same old scenario would repeat itself. I would pay with tears for every moment of happiness you gave me.
With you, happiness was always short-term. Sooner rather than later you would go back to your old ways. You would always take from me without giving anything back.
My texts would be left unanswered for a long while. You wouldn’t have time for me. we would fight and tell one another all sorts of things and everything else that wasn’t that pretty.
I have to stop fantasizing and see you for who you really are. Because in spite all those perfect memories, you are someone who brought me more pain than joy.
And I deserve better. I know that deep down I just need to give myself time to heal the wounds. I just need to let this love I feel for you fade away.
I will dedicate this year to myself, and I will work on fulfilling my greatest wish – getting over you. I will be stronger than my pain, and I will grow from it.
I will love myself a bit more with each day, I will focus on my well-being and peace in this tired soul and by doing that, I will be one step further from you as this year starts to unfold itself.
My memories of you will be a reminder to never settle for less than I deserve. And each time I fall down, I’ll get up again because I’ve already done it so many times while I was with you, and I can do it as many times as it takes.
My mind knows I’ll be happier without you. I just need to convince my heart the same.
Leah Lee – Writer. Dreamer. Adventurer. Eternal Optimist.
I am an English language and literature professor and writing came naturally alongside that. It was something I did for me until I decided to share it with the rest of the world.
I write about love, emotions, relationship issues and ways to solve them and most importantly about empowering women to become the best versions of themselves.
My inspiration comes from all that I’ve been through in life, and it was a bumpy road but full of valuable lessons. I hope that my experience will do some good to all of those who like to read my work.