Duty dating basically means saying yes to almost every date invitation you get. Sounds crazy at first, I know, but it can improve your love life and social life tremendously. It can also create an opportunity for you to find Mr. Right in a sea of wrongs.
Duty dating is a term formed by Dr. Pat Allen, author of Getting to ‘I Do’ and she states that people engage in duty dating for various reasons. It might be their way of getting back out there after they have been out of the dating scene for a long period of time and they are learning to relate again. It doesn’t even matter if you don’t feel attraction to or instant chemistry with a person; what matters is that you go out with them three times and if your heart doesn’t start beating more loudly, you can simply say your goodbyes.
The main point is to say yes to a date even if there is no chemistry or instant connection. To say, “Yes,” even if you don’t find somebody attractive or if he is not the type of guy you would usually go out with. This doesn’t mean you are settling for anything, it means that you are getting to know other people and in the process of doing that, you are getting to know yourself.
By dating multiple people at once, you are learning to differentiate between what you need and what you want and usually, it’s not the same thing. It teaches you that looks can be deceiving and that someone you like on a first date can turn out to be a total idiot by your third date. But it can also prove that there is more to that other guy you didn’t feel so attracted to the first time you saw him.
That’s why three dates are mandatory before you decide whether you want to continue dating someone or stop seeing them. Also, dating three people at the same time is a good idea too, so that you can see what’s out there and not to move too fast with someone who hasn’t said whether he wants to commit to you or not.
By duty dating, you connect with people on an emotional level, not physical. Sex is not a good idea when duty dating and it shouldn’t be a part of it. It will only make a mess of things. Leave that for the end of duty dating, when you are exclusive to just one person.
Duty dating should be fun. You should not burden yourself with great expectations and whether or not things are going somewhere. You are getting the practice you need to be less nervous about dating in general. If one date doesn’t go as planned, you always have another one waiting around the corner.
Duty dating is definitely worth giving a shot; not only will it give you the practice you need and get you back out there but it will also teach you a lot.
It will teach you to deal with rejection better. When the tables are turned and you are the one deciding whether you are going to stay or leave, you will see that in most cases, it’s nothing personal. You won’t like everyone you meet, even if they are good and kind and perfect boyfriend material on paper. Something just won’t add up and you will trust your instincts.
You will realize that in the past, some of your relationships didn’t work out because you were simply mismatched. It didn’t have anything to do with you. You will realize that you were always more than enough but some people simply failed to see that in you. The right one will.
One more good reason to try duty dating is that it will help you not to obsess about a person you are already into. They won’t be your sole focus and you won’t spend your days waiting for them to call or text. You will keep your options open and you will have a whole new perspective once you are back on the dating scene.
So, why not give it a shot???