They say that girls with attitude are sassy and nobody loves to be around them. I disagree. Because if you don’t have an attitude and you have a soft heart, this world will chew you up and spit you out like you are nothing. I know, I’ve been there. If you don’t stand up for yourself, nobody will, and it takes a lot of guts to save yourself. I wish I could do it.
I wish I was brave enough to stand up for myself.
I want to have the power to speak up and to say what I think without the fear that somebody might disagree. I honestly want for myself to be independent and not to bow down before anybody. See, after the argument is over, I believe I’d feel so much better if I didn’t come home and play in my head the things I could’ve said but didn’t.
I want to have a comeback while I still have the chance to speak. I want to be brisk in everything I do, not only inside my head.
I wish I wouldn’t cry all the time.
People are so scary sometimes. I feel like they’ll do something to me if I speak up. Whenever they hurt me, I end up crying. No matter who they are or what’s their role in my life, I cry all the time because of the things they say to me.
And I don’t want to cry. I want to be angry, prove them wrong, and make them regret mistreating me. Actually, I want to be fierce and scary and make them scared of me—make them think again the next time they want to treat me badly.
I wish I could ignore people.
It would be so amazing if I could just not hear what they say to me or if their opinions would mean nothing to me. I’d really love to be able to ignore their expectations, their commands, and their wishes for me.
It would be so amazing if I could decide for myself and if their ideas and words wouldn’t cloud my judgments. Honestly, I’m tired of trying to please everybody because the second I’m good to one person, I’m a disaster to another.
I wish I could be my #1.
I’m nobody’s priority and that’s OK. But what’s not OK is that I’m not even my own #1. Everybody comes before me, and I let it be like that for years. I don’t stand up for myself—I just say, “whatever”, thinking that better days will come.
The sick part is I’ve been like this for far too long. I want to invest my time in me, doing things I love, and enjoying the time I have the way I want it. But it’s so hard, sometimes I think it’s the hardest thing there is.
I wish I could say f**k off to people.
There are so many mean people out there. There are people that just want to hurt you, bring you down in order to make them feel better, you know? There are people who’ll run you over just so they can succeed.
The worst part is, once they’re at the very bottom again, they come to you asking for help or a favor. The worst part is I don’t say ‘no’. I always give them another chance when instead, I should slam my door in their faces. But I can’t—that’s how I ended up walking through my life with so many toxic people. It would be so much easier if I could just cross them out of my life.
I think I wouldn’t struggle with anxiety or with fear of the outer world. I would be a much more fun girl and I’d feel so much better. I know that it’s all in my head and I just need to decide. I know I have to do everything alone, but I’m stuck.
It’s better to be a girl with an attitude than a girl without an attitude. It’s better to watch out for yourself instead of constantly waiting for somebody to save you. I know I have a girl with an attitude inside myself—I just need to let her come to the surface. When that day comes, I’ll be so proud of myself.