A diferença entre amor incondicional e condicional explicada
Amor incondicional vs amor condicional
What’s the difference between amor condicional e amor incondicional?
Amor incondicional, as the term suggests, is love without limitation. It’s the tipo de amor that’s all accepting and unchanging.
Alguns argumentam que chamar-lhe incondicional is redundant because all love should be unconditional, otherwise it’s not love.
Por outro lado, condicional o amor é algo oposto em si mesmo, porque sugere ambos – o amor, que deve aceitar cada um como é, e as condições – coisas que precisam de ser cumpridas para serem aceites.
The explanation sounds pretty clear, so where’s the problem?
O problema é a complexidade do ser humano. O mistério dos seus sentimentos – especialmente love. The inexplicable experience of its depth that can’t be just reduced to a few words.
São tantas as experiências e os sentimentos que são englobados pelo nome de amor que muitas vezes nos perguntamos: O que é o amor?
Há quem diga que o amor é paixão e that it should be wild and full of chemistry, make us shiver and willing to die for the person we love. Others say it’s platonic, refrained from physical touch, and lives only in the mind.
Alguns dizem que podemos experimentar o amor por nós próprios através de auto-aceitação e sentir-se completo, enquanto outros insistem que amor verdadeiro só é possível em conjunto ou através de outros.
Eu diria simplesmente que o amor é um sentimento intenso de afeto profundo que pode crescer em muitas direcções.
Who’s right and who’s wrong? Let’s explore some more before we settle for one answer.
Amor condicional: Somos egomaníacos ou vítimas?
“Pride must die in you, or nothing of heaven can live in you.” – Andrew Murray
Chegamos a esta vida sem consciência de nós próprios, dos outros e de tudo o que nos rodeia. As primeiras pessoas que conhecemos são os nossos pais e membros da família.
Os nossos pais já têm as suas personalidades únicas, o que significa que têm determinadas expectativas, sonhos, esperanças e formas de ver a realidade.
Immediately after we’re born, we’re being shaped by their personal beliefs. In other words, we’re somehow destined to fit into something we yet know nothing about.
Still, the love between a mother and a newborn baby is the purest and strongest love there is because it doesn’t require anything from the baby. Nevertheless, that love still has limits and changes as the baby grows up.
I don’t want to sound dark, but think about situations where people rejected babies born with some kind of physical or mental defect.
They didn’t want them because they didn’t fit into their category of normal, or they weren’t ready to invest the amount of time and care that the baby needed.
Por outro lado, há pessoas que considerariam a mesma criança uma bênção e um professor disfarçado.
Before you start blaming your parents for loving you conditionally, understand that it’s not their fault, because they went through the same thing of having to meet the expectations of their parents and other people, and so on.
I’m not saying that all parents impose strict rules on their children, but that there certainly are rules we’re expected to respect in order to gain praise and approval, which translates into love.
And – you guessed it – that’s a condition. And that’s how we learn from a young age that fitting a role can give us the approval and love we need, and we expect other people to do the same.
Isto acontece na adolescência, quando queremos desesperadamente ser fixes e aceites pelos nossos pares. Também começamos a dar regras aos outros e queremos que as nossas necessidades sejam satisfeitas de uma forma correcta.
During teenhood, this behavior is often very dramatic and we’re noticeably more demanding.
Mais tarde, na idade adulta, começamos lentamente a aprender a desfrutar das coisas da vida de forma mais autêntica.
However, for some (or should I say many?) people’s isto-por-aquilo principles stay the same; they just become more aware of what’s appropriate to do and say.
In other words, many people get stuck in either thinking that conditional love is the only way to go, or they don’t even know they’re loving conditionally.
Os amores condicionais vêm do lugar do ego. O que eu quero dizer com isso é que vem do desejo de moldar as coisas de acordo com nós próprios, uma vez que vemos as coisas apenas através de como elas nos beneficiam nós.
As pessoas que amam condicionalmente responsabilizam os outros pelas suas expectativas, de modo a ganharem o seu afeto.
That sounds wrong, isn’t it? Yes, but we all do it sometimes.
We want others to act in a specific way and when they don’t, we get angry. In those moments, the line between love and hate seems extremely thin.
That’s exactly what conditional love is. It’s the small space where love ends and hate begins, and it goes back and forth depending on our mood and demands.
It doesn’t come from respect for others, but our own entitlement.
I’m right, you’re wrong. I can do this, you can’t. You should/shouldn’t do that if you want this. You have to do this in order to have that.
It’s full of deveria e ter-tose cria sentimentos de culpa e desilusão perpétuos, que não são exatamente boas bases para uma relação saudável.
De facto, quando este tipo de comportamento é sobrevalorizado, indica que um pessoa é um narcisista.
Trying to control others is wrong. Limiting freedom is an attack on someone’s value as a human being. We’re not and never will be the authority in someone’s life. If we try, then it’s clear we’re into power play and not love.
Isto aplica-se a todos os pequenos (e não tão pequenos) comentários que ouvimos ao longo da nossa vida. Então, quais são as pistas do amor condicional nos exemplos da vida quotidiana?
“I know my parents love me, but they started treating me better since I got the job they approve of.”
”My parents/partners would scream at me when I’d do something like accidentally break a plate.”
“I know my parents love me, but they punish me when I get a bad grade.”
“If I wanted to marry someone outside of my race or religion, my parents would criticize or even disown me.”
“If you gain too much weight, I won’t be attracted to you.”
“If you keep going out with your friends without me, I’m going to leave you.”
Este tipo de ultimatos tem um efeito terrível na saúde mental e bem-estar de uma pessoa.
Também se tornam ainda mais evidentes e graves numa relação romântica, especialmente após o feitiço inicial de apaixonar-se e o efeito dos óculos cor-de-rosa desvanece-se.
Amor romântico é um catalisador porque, ao contrário da família tipo de amorNeste caso, escolhemos alguém com base nas nossas preferências e expectativas.
Not only that, but at the beginning of the relationship, both parties usually try to behave way more perfect and conformant, which isn’t sustainable in the long run.
That’s exactly why lots of unaddressed issues come up between lovers. At the beginning of the relationship, we’re trying to be everything the other wants – and the other person loves that – but once we stop, problems start.
A relação de compromisso requer muito trabalho e muita honestidade.
Para se aceitarem completamente, duas pessoas precisam de se ver como melhores amigos e cuidado of each other’s needs without taking advantage.
A relação amorosa está repleto de compreensão e de um constante auto-exame.
Em vez de fazerem ultimatos, os amantes devem encorajar-se mutuamente a trabalharem nos seus crescimento pessoal and boost each other’s sense of authenticity and autoestima.
Amor incondicional: Amor divino ou concordar com a codependência?
"Amar e ser amado incondicionalmente significa dar um salto de fé.” – Andrea Miller
Amor incondicional is the ultimate goal in life. It’s the closest thing we can fathom when it comes to grasping the meaning behind our life and existence.
Amar incondicionalmente significa aceitar os outros plenamente, o que inclui erros, desacordos, escolhas de vida diferentes e opiniões.
Amor incondicional é um decisão consciente para expressar sempre bondade, compreensão e respeito pelas pessoas que amamos.
There’s even a concept in psychology called Consideração positiva incondicional que promove uma atitude de completa aceitação e amor, e é usado em terapia.
It’s based on acceptance and always seeing others as inherently human and inherently lovable despite their surface behavior.
Love doesn’t have to be earned or proven, as we love the person because of who they are and not what they do or say.
It adapts itself to the needs of others, it can be uncomfortable because it always challenges you, and it’s shown to the people who don’t expect it.
Deixar ir of our expectations, letting the other person be who they are and do the best they can do in the given moment – these are acts of amor incondicional.
Everyone has a different learning curve and maturity levels are not the same for every person. There’s no point in making someone see the things the way you see them.
Então, como é que praticamos este tipo de amor na vida quotidiana?
Em primeiro lugar, temos de nos certificar de que prática amor-próprio. Sem amor-próprio e conhecer a nossa própria autoestima, we can’t go far.
Conhecer a nossa autoestima, precisamos de nos ver de um ponto de vista objetivo mas compassivo. Por outras palavras, precisamos de nos amar incondicionalmente para sermos capazes de amar os outros da mesma forma.
With that being said, let’s not fool ourselves thinking auto-aceitação is an easy thing to practice. It’s the hardest thing of all.
Escaping your own learned behaviors and toxic and self-deprecating mental patterns has to be the most exhausting thing there is, but it’s possible.
Secondly, we need to understand yet let go of harmful, outdated cultural norms and “right” behaviors, and see things for what they are behind the society-inflicted guilt and shame.
For example, a child having a tantrum in a public place shouldn’t be embarrassing because it’s normal and can happen to every child.
Having physical flaws doesn’t make anyone less worthy. Not being religious doesn’t make a person less good. I could go on.
Thirdly, we shouldn’t feel pressured to be perfect all the time, but we definitely should always admit our mistakes and apologize for them sincerely.
Attaining perfect love is a process full of learning, but it’s always worth it in the end.
Para além disso, devemos sempre dar o nosso melhor para reconhecer a linguagem amorosa da outra pessoa.
It’s not enough to just say or observe things, we must act and be of help to our entes queridos de formas que lhes sejam benéficas a nível pessoal.
Algumas pessoas preferem palavras de afirmação a presentes, enquanto outras apreciam o tempo de qualidade, os actos de serviço ou o toque físico.
But, what if we run into a codependent person who takes advantage of our love? Doesn’t all of this mean that less conscientious people can take advantage of us?
Não, e pela simples razão que referi anteriormente – if we love others unconditionally, that’s only because we love ourselves first.
When we truly love ourselves, we are being authentic and don’t cross our personal boundaries, as we know to respect ourselves and see the true intentions of other people.
We can’t expect a relationship to be something mystical, perfect, and out of this world. No matter how hard we try, we’re still human and human relationships are based on benefit. There’s nothing wrong with that.
The bottom line is: We’re here for other people because we’re social beings. Our meaning is validated through the happiness we feel and give others.
What’s important is to recognize and give what we can give gracefully without making it a condition.
Amor incondicional can’t be an excuse for unhealthy behavior and toxicity.
A person will never deliberately exhaust themselves in situations that don’t show any signs of progress. The thing is – we can always try to help and understand, but we can’t decide for another person.
Porque a ideia de amor incondicional includes the concept of free will that’s been talked about since the beginning of time.
The idea of free will is godly, and that’s exactly why this kind of o amor é divino.
Exemplos de amor incondicional na vida quotidiana que todos podemos tentar alcançar
Permitir a vulnerabilidade e a compreensão quando se trata de assuntos sensíveis, em vez de tirar partido e usá-la contra a outra pessoa.
Ter empatia profunda – a capacidade de compreender ou sentir o que outra pessoa está a sentir.
Depois de uma discussão, o objetivo é encontrar uma solução e compreendermo-nos mutuamente, e não magoarmo-nos.
Não ter medo de ser envergonhado antes de admitir o que sente em relação a algo.
Capacidade de perdoar a outra pessoa em qualquer altura.
Não estar sempre a provar o seu valor, pois sabe que o seu entes queridos understand where you’re coming from, and even if they don’t, they try to.
Your partner’s selflessness inspires your own, and vice versa. You feel safe and cared for, and want to give back the same.
There’s no withholding affection; you show and receive affection in a natural flow.
Fazer coisas sem esperar algo em troca.
Não ter medo de ser completamente nós próprios e deixar que os outros façam o mesmo.
Inspirar as pessoas a serem as melhores versões de si próprias e a verem todo o seu potencial.
Celebrar genuinamente os êxitos das outras pessoas e sentir-se feliz por fazer parte do seu percurso de vida.
Deixar que os outros passem pela dor que precisam de sentir, mas estar lá para eles.
Dizer sempre a verdade – por muito desconfortável que seja.
Accepting people even when they’re not their best selves.
Sentir satisfação só pelo facto de amar.
Sentir-se satisfeito com o que tem e grato pelo que tem entes queridos na sua vida.
Feeling free to pursue things you’re interested in and passionate about, and letting others do the same.
Procurar soluções saudáveis e não guardar rancores.
Não é ser passivo-agressivo, mas abordar os problemas de imediato.
Ter respeito por outra pessoa, mesmo quando não se está de acordo com ela; discutir em vez de lutar.
A relação saudável é uma prioridade.
Fazer um esforço extra quando alguém está a passar por um momento difícil.
Não levar o mau humor e a rejeição ocasional para o lado pessoal, porque sabe que não têm nada a ver consigo.
Orgulhar-se de outras pessoas pelas suas realizações – pequenos e grandes.
Letting other people enjoy the things they love, even if we’re not part of it.
Sentir gratidão pela vida, por si próprio e pelas pessoas que o rodeiam.
O amor incondicional é realmente possível?
“‘Do’ is a word of infinite actions.” – Norina Luciano
It’s understandable that highly idealistic ideas are regarded as impossible by some people. Everyone can understand the idea’s nobility, but it leaves them suspicious when it comes to real life.
Why? Because people are imperfect by default and everybody knows that. There aren’t many examples of such love in the life of an average man.
We all know how difficult it is to accept the things we don’t understand and always be kind.
Many of us try but end up disappointed when the idea doesn’t match reality. However, it is possible, and striving for that kind of love will transform our lives in many ways.
Insisting on mutual love, open and honest communication, and giving support will result in a love that’s powerful and immune to everything that’s happening outside of it.
Maybe we will never attain perfect love – or at least something we consider perfect love – but the goal is to ditch the pointless limitations and enjoy life and people as they are in reality: imperfect.
Amor incondicional is the war on perfection. Nothing in nature is perfect, yet it still remains wonderful and miraculous. It’s the same with human emotions.
Perfection, as we imagine it in our head, is an illusion, but when things are done in love, that’s the closest to perfection we can get.
That’s why I encourage you to always practice love and compassion, wherever you go. Life’s full of surprises and hidden roads of fate that can lead you to places you never imagined.
Tudo o que tem de fazer é ser fiel a si próprio e respeitar o seu coração como guia.
Don’t worry if you sometimes fail. Every person battles with and for authenticity – a battle caused by social conditioning and choosing fear over love.
Don’t give up on ideals just because someone said they’re unattainable. Believe in your own experience and push your own abilities.
Because there’s no one like you. Never was and never will be. You truly don’t know what you’re capable of until you try.
Mantém a tua mente clara, o teu coração aberto e, faças o que fizeres na vida, lembra-te disso:
Fazei tudo com amor.
