Foi assim que casei com o meu ex

Decidi telefonar ao meu ex depois de três anos de silêncio. Achei que era a altura certa para nos dar o encerramento adequado que nunca tivemos.

Separámo-nos de uma forma estranha e nunca conseguimos seguir em frente. Durante três anos, não saí com mais ninguém. Ele teve relações que recusou-se a rotular porque ele usava aquelas raparigas para descarregar a tensão e acalmar a raiva que tinha depois de termos acabado.

Until he found a girl that made him forget about me—or that’s what I thought at first.

I didn’t even have his numberPedi ao nosso amigo comum que me desse o número dele. Queria ligar-lhe e falar sobre o que tínhamos tido.

I wanted him to tell me why was he angry all the time and why couldn’t we manage to work it out.

Então, liguei e ele deixou tocar. That night he didn’t pick up and I broke into million pieces. I thought he’d be happy to hear from me—the emotions should be cooling off by now.

My phone call wasn’t answered and I went to sleep beating myself up for thinking I meant something to him. I was hurt.

My heart was broken one more time and my ego… well, my ego was devastated. I thought I’d feel better if I’d just sleep it off.

Ver também: Obrigado por não atender o telefone quando eu liguei

Na manhã seguinte, os meus sentimentos eram os mesmos da noite anterior. Odiava-me por ter telefonado.

I hated myself for thinking he’d still smile upon seeing my name on the screen of his phone. Well, he was, but it turned out that I called at the wrong moment.

His fiance had his phone and she didn’t appreciate my call. That’s why it was left unanswered.

The moment he got a chance he wrote me a message. I felt he was mad but happy at the same time. That’s what we did to each other.

He was happy to see my name on the screen of his phone, but he was so mad to see it only after three years. I had no explanation for that—although, it’s not like my phone died from his missed calls.

Ver também: Quando o seu maior amor se casa com o seu maior amor

It was the most awkward talk I had until it wasn’t anymore. Assim que a raiva se desvaneceu, entraram as emoções felizes. E Deus, era tão bom lembrarmo-nos do que tínhamos.

Falámos durante quase uma hora até que ele decidiu fazer 112 quilómetros para me ver. It was already night. I’d be lying if I said that I had seen this coming, but I’d be lying as well if I said I was surprised.

Costumávamos fazer coisas loucas como essa um pelo outro. Não havia maneira de o convencer a não o fazer, por isso fui na onda.

At first I couldn’t believe he drove all that distance just to see me. At some point, I thought he was just playing me. But he wasn’t.

Nunca fomos nós. Eu estava tão nervosa, apesar de ter feito o meu melhor para estar o mais bonita possível.

We both knew there wouldn’t be anything but the talk happening that night and yet, I had the need to look the best I could. I still don’t know if it was for me or for him.

No momento em que o vi, o meu coração parou. I couldn’t believe it was him before my eyes. It was so real and I just wasn’t ready for it.

Eu estava pronto e tive a coragem de lhe telefonar para falar ao telefone, mas ele teve a coragem de aparecer pessoalmente. Ele estava tão bem como sempre.

It didn’t surprise me at all—what is your ex going to do after a breakup other than get better looking.

O meu primeiro instinto foi abraçá-lo e abraçámo-nos. Foi um abraço longo. Foi um abraço de duas pessoas que sentiam uma falta louca uma da outra.

He had the same smile he always had when he saw me. Nothing had really changed. I didn’t think it would have anyways.

I sat in the car and he drove us to the coffee shop out of the town. It was on top of a mountain—far away from anything that could cause our attention to wander from each other.

It was just me and him, and that’s what we needed that night. I sat next to him because I knew he was here with me—so why sit across the table?

Começámos a falar. Era como se tivéssemos feridas com três anos de idade, como se nunca tivéssemos acabado.

Era tão real como se tivéssemos viajou no tempo but something in the back of my mind was telling me it wasn’t real.

We talked for hours. I didn’t look at my watch—not once. The time was irrelevant. It felt so good to sit next to him to talk and talk.

Só para ficar ali a pensar no que teria acontecido se eu fosse um pouco menos eu e ele um pouco menos ele.

Disse-me como eu o tinha magoado. Disse-me que eu lhe tinha partido o coração ao escolher toda a gente em vez dele.

He told me he hasn’t been able to sleep peacefully all these years and that each time when he’d close his eyes, he’d see me.

He said that he found a girl that respects him and makes him feel he’s at home. He said he’s not mad at me anymore.

He also said that he understands why I did the things I did. He knows things can’t change between us and things are really just too different at this point in our lives. He pointed out that he’s happy I called and he can’t believe his eyes.

Ele nunca pensou em ver-nos sentados ao lado um do outro desta forma. And then he pulled me closer and hugged me. I said I’m sorry for everything.

I said how I’d punished myself and told myself not to have anybody else next to me because of the things I did to him.

I thought I don’t deserve love and I don’t want to leave broken people behind me. I figured it out that I can’t love because that’s not what I was taught in life.

He said he’ll never love anybody the way he loved me and he loves me now—no matter how much time passes, no matter what distance and how many miles are between us.

Continuarei a estar no seu coração e a ser a sua pessoa preferida neste mundo. Ele sempre foi bom a amar-me.

Escolhia sempre as palavras certas mas, por vezes, optava por me castigar e deitar-me abaixo só para se sentir melhor.

Eu precisava de provar a ele e a toda a gente que I’m strong and that I’m independent. Depois, apercebemo-nos que nos amávamos numa altura errada.

I couldn’t say I loved him even though I did—even though I do. I couldn’t do it because I’m still as broken as I was before.

I didn’t do it because I knew nothing would change by saying those words out loud.  So, I just smiled. I smiled because I didn’t want to ruin what he had with another girl.

I smiled because I knew if I said I loved him, he would try and give us another chance—and we’d blow that chance as well.

He asked me if I’d marry him. He said he’d leave everything in a second and run away with me.

He’d forget every single person in his life if I decided to stay with him. But I couldn’t do it—the same as I couldn’t kiss him. I know I’ll be sorry years from now since I’m sorry already.

But the girl he was with didn’t deserve any of this. He didn’t deserve to tie the rest of his life to a toxic person such as me.

Where I grew up, the phrase ‘I married someone’ has a double meaning. One is that I am the person that got married and the second one is that I made it possible for somebody to get married.

No, I wasn’t the one to get married. I wasn’t the one to wear white today. It was his fiancee. By saying ‘no’ to him, I made it possible for her to say ‘yes’ to him today. That’s how I married my ex.

I’m sorry for not giving you a happy-ending. I’m just not that type of a person.