How boys are raised leaves a lasting mark. For some, the focus wasn’t on becoming good men—it was on avoiding anything “too feminine.”
Instead of learning empathy, emotional awareness, or communication, they were shown a narrow version of masculinity. One built on fear and the rejection of softness. This kind of upbringing shapes more than habits. It affects relationships, emotional health, and how men move through the world.
It’s not about blame. It’s about noticing the patterns that come from being told what not to be—rather than who to become. The traits that follow reflect those patterns. They show what happens when masculinity is built more on resistance than character.
1. Dismisses emotions as weakness
Some men perceive emotions as a sign of frailty rather than natural responses. They might have been taught from a young age that showing feelings is a flaw. This mindset often gets in the way of meaningful relationships, as they struggle to express genuine emotions.
Emotionally-stunted interactions can lead to misunderstandings and emotional distance. It’s challenging to connect deeply when vulnerability is seen as a defect. Such men might push others away unintentionally, reinforcing their belief that emotions are best hidden.
By dismissing emotions, they miss out on the richness that comes with sharing thoughts and feelings. Acknowledging emotions doesn’t mean losing control, but rather gaining a deeper understanding of oneself and others. And maybe, just for now, you are the man she shouldn’t be dating.
2. Avoids vulnerability at all costs
Vulnerability often gets confused with weakness by men who were taught to be unyielding. It creates barriers, leaving them isolated even in crowded rooms. These men may appear confident, yet their emotional walls prevent real connections.
The inability to be open leads to loneliness, as they struggle to share their true selves. This fear of exposure means they rarely reach out for support, feeling they must bear their burdens alone.
Allowing oneself to be vulnerable isn’t about losing strength, but about sharing life’s ups and downs with others. True connections form when people let their guard down, discovering the beauty in mutual support and understanding. It’s a shift from isolating oneself to embracing the richness of shared experiences.
3. Equates dominance with masculinity
Growing up with skewed role models, some men equate dominance with masculinity. They believe that being in control will earn respect, but this often backfires. In social and professional settings, such behavior may alienate others.
Instead of fostering collaboration, it creates an atmosphere of tension and competition. These men might struggle to understand that leadership is about inspiration, not intimidation.
By equating dominance with manliness, genuine relationships become hard to sustain. A shift in perspective can lead to healthier interactions, where respect is mutual, and connections are based on understanding and empathy. True strength lies not in control, but in the ability to uplift others.
4. Thinks compassion makes him soft
Every woman has asked herself what she looks for in a guy. And let me tell, being incompassionate isn’t one of the things I want. For some men, this emotion is confusingly linked with softness or weakness. They fear that empathy might undermine their perceived strength.
Yet, showing kindness is a profound expression of humanity. This misplaced belief leads to emotional coldness, where relationships lack depth and genuine care. By avoiding empathy, they miss the chance to connect on a meaningful level.
True strength is found in understanding and supporting others. Compassion doesn’t diminish masculinity; it enhances it. Embracing empathy leads to richer, more fulfilling connections, where kindness becomes a strength, not a liability. Letting go of this unfounded fear can redefine what it means to be a strong man.
5. Feels the need to “out-man” other men
The pressure to “out-man” peers creates a cycle of constant competition. For some, masculinity is a performance, where worth is measured by how much more “manly” one can appear compared to others.
The mere act is exhausting, leaving little room for genuine connections. It fosters an environment where vulnerability is stifled, and true friendships struggle to thrive.
Breaking free from this cycle means embracing individuality and understanding that masculinity isn’t a contest. Authentic connections are formed when men support rather than compete with each other. It’s about realizing that real strength lies in collaboration, not rivalry.
6. Feels threatened by confident women
Insecurity often surfaces when faced with confident women. Some men, taught that masculinity requires dominance, feel threatened when women don’t “stay in their lane.”
This reaction is more about upbringing than reality, reflecting internal fears rather than true inequalities. It creates barriers in both personal and professional relationships, limiting growth.
Accepting and celebrating confident women leads to richer, more dynamic connections. It’s a chance to learn and grow, recognizing that strength isn’t diminished by others’ successes. Embracing equality enriches everyone’s lives, fostering an environment where both men and women thrive together.
7. Sees women as competition instead of partners
Viewing women as competition rather than partners stems from early lessons in comparison. Some men were taught to measure worth by surpassing others, leading to strained relationships.
The very poisons both personal and work dynamics, where collaboration is seen as a threat rather than an opportunity. It can create an environment where mutual respect and understanding struggle to flourish.
Embracing partnership over competition shifts the focus to shared success. It’s about building connections where both parties elevate each other, recognizing that collaboration leads to greater achievements. Understanding that women are allies, not adversaries, enriches all aspects of life.
8. Believes emotions are a woman’s burden
The imbalance of emotional labor often roots in upbringing. Some men see emotions as a woman’s responsibility, expecting partners to feel for both in relationships. It can even lead to him being a verbal abuser disguised as a real man (though, not always, there are a couple of good ones!)
It is a belief that leads to strained dynamics, where one partner bears the emotional weight, causing frustration and disconnect. It’s a cycle that perpetuates inequality, leaving both parties unfulfilled. Recognizing emotions as a shared responsibility fosters healthier relationships.
Both partners should contribute to emotional well-being, creating a balanced and supportive environment. Understanding that emotions aren’t burdens but a natural part of human connection can transform interactions into more meaningful experiences.
9. Only shows anger as an acceptable emotion
For some men, anger is the only acceptable emotion. Fear, sadness, or shame often funnel into anger, becoming a normalized response. This limits emotional expression and stifles genuine connections.
It creates an environment where other emotions are suppressed, leading to misunderstandings and conflict. Broadening emotional awareness allows for richer relationships, where feelings are expressed honestly.
Recognizing that emotions aren’t weaknesses but integral parts of human interaction leads to deeper, more authentic connections. Embracing a full emotional spectrum enriches life, fostering empathy and understanding.
10. Thinks seeking help is a sign of failure
In certain circles, asking for help is seen as a weakness. Some men were raised with the belief that self-reliance equates to strength.
A mindset like this leads to unnecessary struggles, where facing challenges alone becomes a point of pride. It isolates individuals, creating barriers to growth and collaboration.
Recognizing that seeking help is a form of strength transforms this perspective. It encourages learning from others and builds connections based on trust and support. Understanding that no one has all the answers opens the door to personal and professional development, enriching one’s journey.
11. Sees apologies as losing power
For some, apologizing equates to losing power or admitting defeat. This mindset can wreak havoc on accountability, as admitting wrongs becomes a battle.
Such an approach strains relationships, leaving unresolved conflicts and hurt feelings in its wake. It hinders growth, as understanding and learning from mistakes are avoided. But in truth, the real man will apologize.
Apologies foster healing and connection, demonstrating respect and understanding. They aren’t about losing power but gaining insight into others’ perspectives. Embracing the ability to apologize strengthens relationships, fostering a culture of empathy and mutual respect, where growth and change are celebrated.
12. Feels entitled to emotional labor from women
Some men rely on women for emotional processing without reciprocating. This entitlement springs from traditional roles where women are seen as emotional caretakers.
In this dynamics, an imbalance can occur, where one partner bears the emotional weight while the other remains detached. It leads to exhaustion and frustration, as emotional needs go unmet.
Understanding emotional labor as a shared responsibility can transform relationships. It fosters an environment where both partners contribute equally, cultivating empathy and mutual support. By recognizing the need for balance, connections become more fulfilling and resilient.
13. Mocks traditionally “feminine” things
In today’s world, it’s hard enough for women to find a real man and mocking traditionally “feminine” things like fashion, hobbies, or interests doesn’t help you. I know it often stems from fear rather than logic. It’s a knee-jerk reaction rooted in insecurity.
This behavior limits personal growth and stifles creativity, as fear of judgment constrains exploration. It creates an environment where conformity is valued over individuality.
Accepting diverse interests enriches life, allowing for authentic self-expression. Understanding that preferences aren’t defined by gender opens the door to new experiences. Celebrating individuality and breaking free from stereotypes fosters a culture of acceptance and creativity, where everyone can thrive.
14. Uses humor to deflect serious conversations
Humor can be a shield, deflecting serious conversations. For some, jokes are a way to avoid uncomfortable topics, maintaining emotional distance.
This avoidance keeps real connection out of reach, as meaningful discussions are sidestepped. It fosters superficial interactions, preventing genuine understanding and empathy. Being open to serious conversations enriches relationships.
It allows for vulnerability and trust, building connections based on honesty and mutual respect. Humor has its place, but recognizing when depth is needed creates space for growth and authentic interactions. Embracing meaningful dialogue leads to deeper, more enriching connections.
15. Assumes leadership roles without listening first
Some men assume leadership without first listening, believing that power lies in speaking first and loudest. This approach often overlooks others’ perspectives and needs.
It creates an environment where collaboration is stifled, as voices go unheard. Leadership becomes a performance rather than a shared journey.
True leadership involves active listening and understanding. It’s about creating space for others to contribute, fostering a culture of collaboration and innovation. Embracing diverse viewpoints leads to richer outcomes and a more inclusive environment, where everyone feels valued and empowered.
16. Measures worth by status or income
For some, worth is measured by status or income, a reflection of values rooted in external validation. This pursuit often leads to unfulfilling achievements, where titles replace personal fulfillment.
This creates a cycle of chasing rather than appreciating, where identity is defined by material success. Relationships may suffer as personal values get overshadowed by superficial goals.
Understanding worth beyond status opens the door to authentic self-discovery. It’s about finding fulfillment in connections and experiences, where personal growth and happiness are prioritized. Embracing intrinsic values leads to a more balanced and satisfying life, where success is redefined.
17. Feels emasculated by equality
For some, equality feels like a threat, as masculinity was taught to dominate rather than collaborate. This perspective creates tension and resistance to change. And until you accept this, you’ll be the one she refers to when she says she’s done with boys and wants a real man!
Accepting equality doesn’t diminish masculinity; it enhances it. It’s an opportunity to grow and learn, fostering an environment where everyone thrives together.
Recognizing that respect and collaboration are strengths leads to richer connections. It’s about understanding that equality enriches lives, creating a culture of mutual support and empowerment. Embracing change opens doors to new possibilities, where everyone is valued and respected.
18. Thinks changing his mind is a weakness
Rigid thinking is often glorified, seen as a sign of strength. Some men were taught that changing their mind is a weakness, keeping them stuck rather than evolving. This mindset limits growth, as opportunities for learning are missed.
It creates an environment where innovation and creativity struggle to thrive, stifling progress. Being flexible encourages personal and professional development.
It’s about recognizing that evolving perspectives lead to richer understanding and growth. Being open to change fosters a culture of innovation, where ideas flourish and connections deepen. Adapting isn’t a weakness but a path to greater possibilities.
19. Sees parenting as “babysitting”
Viewing parenting as “babysitting” reflects undervaluing the role of fatherhood. Some men were taught that childcare is solely a mother’s duty, diminishing their involvement. This mindset leads to missed opportunities for connection and growth, as the nurturing aspect of fatherhood is neglected.
This creates an imbalance in family dynamics, where shared responsibilities are overlooked. Be an active parent and enrich your family life, fostering strong bonds and understanding.
It’s about recognizing the value of shared nurturing, where fathers play an integral role in their children’s development. Celebrating fatherhood leads to deeper connections and a more balanced family environment.
20. Believes being feared equals being respected
For some men, fear-based respect is mistaken for genuine respect. This belief creates an environment where intimidation replaces understanding.
Such dynamics damage work relationships, friendships, and families, where fear stifles genuine connections. It fosters a culture of control rather than collaboration, limiting growth.
True respect is earned through empathy and understanding. It’s about building connections based on mutual trust and support, where everyone feels valued. Recognizing that fear doesn’t equate to respect opens the door to healthier interactions, where real connections thrive.
21. Mistakes stoicism for emotional maturity
Stoicism is often confused with emotional maturity, where unshaken appearances are mistaken for wisdom. And while it’s true that é preciso um homem de verdade para namorar uma mulher forte, it doesn’t mean being emotionless. This misconception limits expression, creating barriers to understanding.
It fosters an environment where emotions are suppressed rather than explored, leading to misunderstandings and disconnect. Genuine connections struggle to thrive in such settings. Expanding awareness about feelings enhances interactions, where feelings are expressed openly.
Understanding that emotional maturity involves empathy and vulnerability leads to richer, more meaningful relationships. Don’t run from emotional depth fosters connections based on trust and mutual respect, rather create a more inclusive and understanding environment.
22. Gets uncomfortable when men show affection
Discomfort with male affection often springs from upbringing. Some men fear that showing affection undermines their masculinity, leading to emotional distance.
A fear like this creates barriers to genuine connection, where friendships remain superficial and guarded. It limits the ability to express care and support openly.
Recognizing that affection isn’t a threat but a strength enriches relationships. It’s about building connections based on trust and empathy, where emotions are shared freely. Accepting affection fosters deeper, more authentic interactions, creating a culture of understanding and mutual support.
23. Believes gender roles are non-negotiable
Rigid adherence to traditional gender roles limits growth and understanding. Some men were taught that these roles are non-negotiable, creating barriers to equality.
This perspective fosters an environment where stereotypes thrive, stifling individuality and collaboration. Being more flexible will expand your connections, where roles are defined by choice rather than tradition.
It’s about recognizing that collaboration leads to enriched lives, where everyone contributes equally. Breaking free from outdated roles fosters a culture of understanding and empowerment, where everyone thrives.
24. Thinks criticism is a personal attack
For some, criticism feels like a personal attack, a reflection of being raised to constantly perform. This mindset limits growth, as constructive feedback is met with resistance.
It creates an environment where learning opportunities are missed, stifling personal and professional development. Relationships may suffer, as understanding and empathy are replaced by defensiveness.
Taking and owning criticism as a tool for growth fosters a culture of learning and understanding. It’s about recognizing that feedback isn’t a threat but an opportunity to evolve. Understanding this opens the door to richer interactions, where growth is celebrated and connections deepen.
25. Overcompensates in competitive situations
Overcompensating in competitive situations often reflects insecurity. Some men feel the need to prove themselves, even in low-stakes moments, driven by a desire to assert dominance.
This behavior can lead to tension and conflict, where fun and collaboration are overshadowed by rivalry. It limits the ability to enjoy shared experiences and build genuine connections.
Understand that competition isn’t about dominance. It is a shared enjoyment transforms interactions. It’s about embracing individuality and understanding that self-worth isn’t measured by victories. Encouraging collaboration leads to richer, more fulfilling experiences, where connections thrive.
26. Struggles to express love without conditions
Some men struggle to express love without conditions, a reflection of being taught that love must be earned. This perspective creates barriers, where genuine connections are stifled by expectations.
It leads to relationships where affection is conditional, causing frustration and disconnect. The inability to express love freely limits emotional growth and understanding.
Accepting unconditional love opens the door to deeper, more meaningful connections. It’s about recognizing that love isn’t a transaction but a shared journey. Understanding this fosters an environment where affection flows freely, creating a culture of empathy and mutual support.
27. Constantly needs to be “right”
The need to be “right” often reflects emotional insecurity. Some men were taught that winning arguments equates to strength, creating barriers to understanding.
This mindset leads to conflicts where learning and empathy are overshadowed by stubbornness. It limits the ability to grow and connect on a deeper level.
Recognizing that being open to others’ perspectives enriches interactions is transformative. It’s about understanding that true strength lies in flexibility and humility. Embracing this leads to more meaningful relationships, where growth and understanding are celebrated.
28. Rejects anything associated with softness
Rejecting anything associated with softness often stems from a fear of appearing weak. Some men were taught that toughness is a defining trait, creating barriers to authenticity.
Such a way of thinking limits exploration and understanding, where sensitivity is dismissed rather than embraced. It creates an environment where individuality and growth are stifled.
Being more soft in your day-to-day basis enriches life, allowing for authentic self-expression. It’s about recognizing that strength isn’t defined by hardness but by resilience and empathy. Understanding this opens the door to richer experiences, where growth and connections thrive.
29. Views emotional regulation as suppression
Some equate emotional regulation with suppression, believing that showing emotion is a weakness. This perspective limits personal growth, where feelings are bottled up rather than explored.
It creates an environment where genuine connections struggle to thrive, as emotional expression is stifled. Relationships may suffer as understanding and empathy are replaced by detachment.
Recognizing that emotional intelligence involves understanding and expressing feelings is transformative. It’s about embracing emotions as a path to deeper connections and personal growth. Understanding this fosters a culture of empathy and authenticity, where true interactions flourish.
30. Was taught what not to be—instead of who to become
Many men were taught what not to be, rather than who to become. This negative focus leaves them searching for identity, unsure of what healthy masculinity looks like. It creates uncertainty and confusion, where personal growth is stifled by fear of failure.
Relationships may suffer as individuals struggle to define themselves. Taking a positive approach to masculinity opens the door to self-discovery and growth.
It’s about recognizing that identity is a journey, not a destination. Understanding this fosters a culture of acceptance and empowerment, where everyone can thrive and grow together.