Namorar um homem divorciado: Dicas, truques e tudo o que precisa de saber!

Namorar um homem divorciado significa basicamente namorar um homem com bagagem emocional.

And for single women who have been that way for a large amount of time, it can get really daunting trying to get back in the dating pool so dating divorced men doesn’t scare them much.

Although, when you’re on a first date after your most recent break-up and you learn that this is a divorced guy sitting in front of you, it does make you think.

Como é que as coisas acabaram entre ele e a ex-mulher? Estará ele verdadeiramente pronto para uma nova relação?

Fazer têm filhos e há pensão de alimentos ou apoio aos filhos envolvidos? Foi o primeiro casamento dele e quanto tempo durou? É de uma relação séria que ele precisa neste momento?

There are billions of questions you can think of when you hear you’re involved with a divorced man.

Is dating a divorcee an immediate red flag? There’s no one answer to that question.

For a single person who has never been married, it may seem black and white, but for a divorced man, it’s a little more complicated than that.

Here, I’ll explain the ins and outs of dating a divorced man and help you see that it doesn’t necessarily mean he’s damaged or doomed.

A divorced guy could be your one true love, but you’ll have to dig deeper to understand how it all transpired not to make the same mistakes.

Ver também: O meu namorado acabou comigo: O que fazer a seguir?

O que esperar de um namoro com um homem divorciado?

As taxas de divórcio têm sido extremamente elevadas nos últimos tempos e há várias razões para isso.

People get married very young and promise to be there no matter what, not really knowing the depth of what they’re getting themselves into.

They don’t learn from their previous relationships (or previous marriage) and they just rush back into a new marriage instead of letting their life experience guide them safely and securely through life.

And sometimes, after having been alone for a long time, people resort to online dating on various dating sites (because, hey, there’s a first time for everything, right?) and, thinking they’ve finally found their match, they rush through the process out of fear of being alone.

They don’t listen to their family members who tell them to not repeat the same mistakes from their past relationships and they go ahead and say ”I do” without being ready, which often leads to divorcing that very same person within mere months.

Se as pessoas pudessem simplesmente prestar atenção aos padrões que estão sempre a repetir, isso ajudá-las-ia a cultivar e a manter uma relação a longo prazo, em vez de cometerem sempre os mesmos erros.

And that leads me to my next point. If you’ve just been made aware that you’re in fact dating a divorced man, don’t be quick to judge.

He might be the nicest person you’ll ever meet who simply made a mistake when he was young and now lives with the consequences.

Por outro lado, isto pode ser um pouco mais do que consegue aguentar.

Some divorced men tend to remain affected by their divorce and oftentimes there’s a bitter ex-wife who won’t make it bearable for you, to put it nicely.

Social media will also be your worst enemy for a while because you’ll keep scrolling through his photos, seeing his previous life with his ex and their kids, and wonder if you’ll ever be able to get to that place and have it actually last.

Dating a divorced man carries a heavy load, which is something a strong woman can handle once she’s truly aware of everything that may entail.

Here are the major things you’ll encounter if you’re dating divorced guy and tips on how to handle it all:

Ver também; 7 sinais de uma esposa emocionalmente distante e por que ela se tornou assim

Bagagem emocional

There’s no sugarcoating this. When you’re involved with a divorced man, there is definitely going to be some emotional baggage.

And if you’re adamant to continue with this relationship, you should learn how to handle his emotional weight in order to not put him under too much pressure.

Em primeiro lugar, nunca deve fazer com que ele se sinta culpado por ser sensível, cuidadoso ou facilmente apanhado de surpresa.

Quem sabe o que o seu divorciado passou e como é a situação com a ex-mulher dele.

Começar uma nova relação depois de o seu casamento se ter desfeito diante dos seus olhos já é suficientemente assustador.

He definitely doesn’t need added pressure, it only adds to his anxiety.

Secondly, let him talk to a professional if he feels like that’s his best step forward and do not meddle in that part of his healing.

He’s entitled to his own way of coping with his break-up.

Encourage him to open up to you if he wants and if he’s not ready, there’s no shame in seeking professional help.

Conhecer a família dele pode ser assustador

Especially if you’re the first woman he’s brought home after his previous marriage.

Meeting your partner’s family is always challenging no matter what, but in this type of situation it can get even more complex for both of you.

It depends on whether his family liked his ex-wife or not. If she wasn’t exactly everyone’s cup of tea, that’s a plus for you as the bar isn’t that high.

Mas se a família precisar de algum tempo para processar o divórcio (uma vez que também os afectou a eles), podem não estar ainda abertos a conhecer uma nova namorada.

If everyone’s still reeling from the divorce, you’re the last person anyone will be ready to meet, as unfair and unjust as that is.

Pergunte ao seu namorado como é que a família dele está a lidar com o divórcio e como era a relação com a ex.

It’ll give you some feedback on what to expect and how long to wait before meeting the fam.

As crianças são a sua prioridade

Quando um homem divorciado está a passar por uma separação difícil, os seus filhos serão sempre a sua prioridade número um (como devem ser).

This doesn’t mean that he loves you any less, all it means is that he’ll always have to consider the well-being of his children before anyone else’s.

If you’re able to deal with that, you can continue dating this guy.

But if the thought of playing second fiddle to his kids seems unbearable then you’re not really ready to date him at all.

A sua responsabilidade é, antes de mais, para com os seus filhos.

They’re not to blame for what’s going on around them and you can only imagine how difficult it is to grasp the whole divorce thing for them.

Especially if they’re very young.

Their whole world is falling apart and now they’ll have to spend time separately between Mom and Dad. Be mindful of that at all times.

This isn’t easy on the kids, ever. Be supportive and let your man decide when the right time to meet the kids is.

Trata-se de questões delicadas que exigem uma análise cuidadosa.

Ver também: Sexo com amigos: Os 10 maiores segredos que ninguém lhe vai contar

Restos da sua ex-mulher

If your divorced man still lives in the family home they all once happily shared, chances are you’ll encounter plenty of remnants of his marriage, his ex-wife, and some happy memories that will play with his head every now and again.

Don’t take this personally. Healing is a long process and when there are happy memories all around him and children they share, it’s only natural to feel out of place and jaded from time to time.

A vida dele, tal como ele a conhecia, acabou e ser recordado disso é uma chatice.

Give him time to process. Don’t be mad at him if he has a hard time remembering the things you like from the things his ex-wife used to like.

It’s challenging making it all work because he spent a huge chunk of time with that woman.

É preciso tempo para recuperar e ultrapassar com sucesso o que se passou.

Usually, when you think you’ve finally moved on and there’s nothing that can weigh you down, that’s when the memories of a once happy marriage sneak into your mind and mess with your head. Being a divorcee is tough – don’t make it worse.

Os membros da sua família terão perguntas

It’s only natural to worry about those you love and that is exactly what’s going to happen here.

Your family won’t know what happened in his marriage and what caused it all to deteriorate to the point of divorce.

Was it neglect? Was it emotional abuse? It’s perfectly expected for them to have questions.

Take it as a sign of love from them. They only want what’s best for you.

Namorar um homem divorciado leva muita gente a pensar no seu anterior casamento e nas causas da sua queda.

If your divorced guy is truly a nice, decent guy, I’m sure your family will warm up to him eventually and see what you see.

Don’t try to rush the process though. Everyone needs to take their time in getting to know and like him.

Comparações inevitáveis

Sometimes, it’s simply impossible for people to find an adequate way to support this new relationship of yours without unintentionally hurting your feelings with their remarks (which is what tends to happen).

So you’ll hear plenty of comparisons, be that from your friends and family to his children and all the way to his loved ones.

To be frank, it’ll SUCK. You won’t be able to take all the comparisons, even if they’re just joking.

The last thing you need is to be a replacement for a wife who didn’t do the trick and try to excel where she didn’t. NOPE.

És a tua própria mulher e esta relação é independente de tudo o que o casamento dele possa ter parecido.

Don’t allow people to diminish your role or make you feel like a notch under his belt. If this is a serious relationship, stand your ground, make it all about the two of you and hush the outside critics.

Ver também: 8 problemas de relacionamentos à distância e como fazê-los funcionar

Prepare-se para ir devagar

Don’t be surprised if your divorced O homem está interessado em ir devagar. It’s perfectly understandable, isn’t it?

A sua relação anterior queimou-o e deixou um impacto duradouro na sua vida.

Now, he’s adamant not to repeat that mistake no matter what.

This doesn’t mean that he’s not into you. It also doesn’t mean he’s not ready for a long-term relationship. Quite the contrary!

It means he’s taking this very seriously by being mature enough to realize that taking it slow is the best way for you guys to last!

It’s vital that you’re on the same page. Let his first marriage be a warning sign of what awaits if you don’t take precautionary steps. If he wanted to rush into things again, he’d do it in a heartbeat.

But no. He wants you last, which is why he’s taking his time to establish a strong bond that will be able to stand the test of time.

Social Media Won’t Be A Good Idea

Who hasn’t looked up their partner’s ex a billion times on social media? It almost goes without saying that you’ll have to see what she was all about and try to figure out what her feed can tell you about her, right? God knows I’ve done it a million times.

Mas o que se passa é que esta não é a melhor ideia. Esta não é uma rapariga qualquer. É a ex-mulher dele.

Their marriage meant something and by looking at her photos, tweets, and Facebook posts, you’ll start feeling unworthy or like a cheap replacement.

It won’t feel nice seeing her at all, let alone if she looks hot!

Por isso, o meu conselho é: tenta evitar persegui-la nas redes sociais, aconteça o que acontecer.

There’s nothing to gain and plenty to lose!

She’s in his past and you’re his future. Isn’t that enough?

Past relationships are just that – the past.

E desenterrar velhas recordações e fazer-se sentir como se fosse uma merda não lhe vai fazer bem nenhum.

5 sinais de alerta ao sair com um homem divorciado

Now that we’ve covered the main things you can expect when dating a divorced man, I’m going to point out the main red flags that may bestow you in order to give you the full truth and not sugarcoat anything.

I’m sure you’re a strong, capable woman who can handle a lot, but before starting a serious relationship with a divorced guy, beware of these red flags:

Ver também: 8 sinais simples de amor verdadeiro de uma mulher

Estará ele à procura de uma aventura curta e sem significado?

Depois de terminar algo tão sério como um casamento, as pessoas tendem a transformar-se em verdadeiros caçadores de emoções.

Algumas pessoas dedicam-se a passatempos aventureiros como o para-quedismo, o paddle-boarding ou a escalada e outras recorrem a namoros insignificantes para aliviar a tensão.

You can’t really blame a person for not being into a serious relationship right after their marriage crashed and burned.

My point is, be sure that he’s on the same page as you. The last thing you need is realizing too late that he was merely looking for a good time and that getting serious is the last thing on his mind.

Be in it for the same reasons or break up. That way, you’ll spare your feelings and not get heartbroken over a divorcee who never took you seriously in the first place.

Ele é co-dependente?

O casamento é feito de dois parceiros que colocam a mesma quantidade de esforço na sua relação e nunca se tomam um ao outro como garantido.

Ambos dão sempre 100% e procuram encontrar um meio-termo.

But what if your divorced man was unable to make his part of the vow work and that’s why it all ended?

Are you sure that he’s not looking for somebody to do work around the house, cook him meals, and help take care of his kids?

There’s nothing wrong with sharing responsibilities, but check that he’s not with you particularly to serve that purpose.

You want to avoid being a maid to a divorced guy who couldn’t pick up a broom or wash the dishes to save his life.

Relationships are 50/50. If he doesn’t get that, you need to find someone who does.

Será que ele perdeu completamente a fé no casamento?

Sim, o colapso de uma união conjugal pode fazer-nos dar uma volta e perder toda a fé que outrora tínhamos nela.

But that shouldn’t be a reason to never want to get married again. Just because it didn’t work the first time, it doesn’t mean that it won’t work with the right person!

Make sure that your man hasn’t written off all possibilities of ever getting married again.

If marriage is something you look forward to in the future, you can’t be with someone who’s on a totally different page.

Try to talk some sense into him. Let him know that you’re not trying to pressure him into anything but you need to know that there’s a chance to say ”I do” at some point in the future when it feels right. You deserve your happily-ever-after.

Ver também: 20 ideias fantásticas e giras para encontros noturnos para todos os casais

Será que ele é um odiador de mulheres secreto?

Os homens divorciados são susceptíveis de se tornarem odiadores de mulheres depois de passarem por um divórcio amargo e acrimonioso com a sua ex-mulher.

And if said wife made sure to get every last penny from him, be sure that it’s going to leave a horrible taste in his mouth.

Divorced guys don’t even realize that they feel this way until something triggers them and they just go bananas all of a sudden.

Are you sure that your guy isn’t one of those women-haters?

Are you certain that he won’t start resenting you for every little thing and not have any faith in you?

If his life experience has taught him that women can’t be trusted, it’s going to be difficult to undo the damage that has been done.

Tenha cuidado e tenha sempre em mente o seu melhor interesse.

Pode ele assumir a responsabilidade pelos seus actos?

There’s nothing more infuriating in a relationship than a man who can’t own up to his shit!

Como se a mulher fosse a única culpada de todos os danos que assolaram o casamento e o levaram ao fim.

Make sure your man can take responsibility for his share of the blame because it takes two to tango! He can’t get out of it by blaming it all on her.

That shows a lack of respect and a severe inability to be a mature adult who can admit when he’s at fault.

É preciso ser um homem de verdade para poder dizer que foi parte do problema do seu casamento falhado.

Can you say that for your guy? Is he hiding from the truth or can he openly admit that he’s not fault-free and learn from his mistakes?

Em conclusão

Sair com um homem divorciado traz consigo uma bagagem muito pesada e é preciso uma mulher forte, de mente aberta e capaz para conseguir lidar com tudo isso com dignidade e graça.

The most important bits to remember are to let him heal at his own pace and don’t rush him into anything.

Make sure your relationship is based on the same values and that you’re not just a replacement or a live-in maid.

You deserve to have a mature guy who can treat you the way you deserve. Just because he’s divorced and hurt, doesn’t mean he gets to take you for granted.

E, por último, não se esqueça de ter em conta os sinais de alerta antes de levar a sua relação para o nível seguinte.

Estará ele preparado para uma relação séria? É capaz de assumir responsabilidades? Respeita as mulheres?

Estas são todas as questões que precisa de resolver antes que o seu homem divorciado tenha a oportunidade de lhe partir o coração.

Take baby steps and always protect your heart. You both deserve to find your one true love, so good luck discovering if you’ve already found it with each other!

Ver também: A lista definitiva de citações e provérbios de amor falso