Do you feel calm, free and content when you are next to your partner? Is your relationship giving you an ugly feeling of slimy tentacles wrapping around your neck? Are you able to spot the signs of an unhealthy relationship?
Abusive relationships usually arise from a desire for power and control, leaving you feeling insecure, scared and anxious. On the other hand, healthy relationships are based on respect and equality, offering you a sense of safety, joy, and confidence both in yourself and your partner.
A couple of years ago I stumbled upon a post on Twitter showing two screenshots of text messages with two men she was seeing at different times.
One had red flags screaming emotional manipulation all over the text.
The other one was displaying warm and healthy communication.
If you read the comments below the posts, you will get the idea of how people perceive abusive behavior differently. This thread showed a few similar stories from other women’s personal experiences.
Some men were mostly focused on the fact that her boyfriends are Android users, while others, amusingly enough, noticed one man was wearing a hat.
Someone was convinced she was dating two men at the same time.
Most of them dug into irrelevant details of the conversation forgetting the main point. Mayc Peterson shared her private texts with one goal in mind – to help other women recognize possible unhealthy behavior in a relationship.
Most probably we are all destined to face abusive intentions at least once in our lives and it’s helpful to know how to handle it.
You should feel good and relaxed in your relationship. However, if your relationship is making you feel discomfort, please read the sinais de aviso of controlling behavior:
1. Crítica
They will belittle your opinions or choices, even your looks, trying to lower your self-esteem.
2. Isolation
They tend to isolate you from family and friends. You will lose outside perspective on your relationship and become dependent on their emotional support.
3. Jealousy and possessiveness
They will not trust you. You may face extreme jealousy, accusations of infidelity or even control over your interactions with others.
4. Financial abuse
When you are financially dependent you are less likely to leave the abuser. This is exactly what they need.
5. Withholding affection
Affection and emotional support are the tools they use as a reward or as a punishment.
6. Gaslighting
They will distort reality and make you doubt your own perception, memory, and actions. Emotional manipulation is used as a powerful means to deceive you.
7. Disrespect to boundaries
They will want to control every aspect of your life and your relationship and will ignore all boundaries you try to set up.
8. Need for reassurance
As they are usually extremely insecure, you will need to repeat how much you love them, over and over again. Even when there is no reason for doubt, they will ask for proof of your devotion.
If you find yourself disturbingly tense, trying to predict his reactions by the tone of his voice, that my dear is alarming.
Occasional unhealthy behaviors may arise even in a healthy relationship. Conflicts can escalate into hurtful words, but as discussões são normais e devem ser resolvidas através de uma comunicação aberta.
No entanto, quando estes comportamentos pouco saudáveis são utilizados para dominar e controlar, a relação torna-se abusiva. Se a voz ou as acções dele lhe dão frequentemente uma sensação de tempestade a aproximar-se, que serve de sinal de aviso que pode levar a abusos. Pode ser uma boa altura para fugir.