Emotional intelligence isn’t just about being “nice.” It’s about reading the room, taking responsibility for your impact, and not bulldozing other people’s feelings like you’re late for a meeting. But some people—bless them—just… don’t get it.
And even if they mean well, the words they use often feel invalidating, harsh, or downright toxic. The little comments, the brush-offs, the sly digs—they add up. I know I’ve heard a few of these and had to check myself for internal eye rolls.
But here’s the thing: most of us have slipped up here, so if any of these sound familiar, take it as a nudge for growth, not a scarlet letter. Get ready for a little truth-telling, a bit of sass, and a lot of “ugh, yes, THAT.” These are the phrases to look out for (and, let’s be real, retire from your vocabulary).
1. “You’re too sensitive.”
Ever had someone tell you you’re “too sensitive” and felt that sting deep in your chest? That phrase doesn’t just brush off your feelings—it slams the door in your face. It’s the conversational equivalent of rolling their eyes and looking for the exit.
What they’re really saying: “Your emotions make me uncomfortable, so I’m going to blame you for having them.” It pushes you to question yourself, like maybe you are too much. But spoiler alert: expressing hurt or concern isn’t a flaw.
Honestly, this doesn’t make you overly emotional, it makes you human. Everyone’s got a trigger or a story—dismissing it isn’t the answer. Next time you hear this, remember: healthy relationships make space for all feelings, not just the easy ones.
2. “That’s just how I am.”
You know that person who acts like accountability is a dirty word? People who say, “That’s just how I am,” wave off responsibility like it’s optional. It’s a classic way to dodge growth.
Instead of hearing you out, they wrap themselves in stubbornness, like it’s a badge of honor. The message? Don’t expect me to change, because this is your problem, not mine.
Relationships—friendships, family, work—don’t work well when someone refuses to grow. Everyone has rough edges, but refusing to work on them? That’s not authenticity, it’s avoidance. Real talk: We all have stuff to unpack, and “That’s just how I am” is just an excuse to leave the suitcase closed.
3. “I’m just being honest.”
There’s honesty, and then there’s weaponized truth. When someone fires off “I’m just being honest,” it sounds like permission to say whatever, however, with zero care about the fallout.
Here’s the real kicker: honesty without empathy isn’t brave—it’s careless. It’s like tossing a truth grenade and then shrugging when it explodes.
Friends with emotional smarts know how to give feedback without making you feel like you got run over. If someone uses this phrase as a shield, ask yourself: is this honesty, or just a free pass to be harsh? Big, big difference.
4. “Calm down.”
Is there any phrase that spikes your blood pressure faster? “Calm down” is like hitting a panic button for emotions. It never helps—it only adds fuel.
When you’re upset for good reason, being told to calm down feels invalidating, like your feelings are just noise. It’s dismissive and often shuts down real conversation.
Here’s a secret: People don’t calm down because you tell them to. They calm down when they feel heard, seen, and respected. So if you’re tempted to use this line, maybe offer a listening ear instead.
5. “You always…” or “You never…”
Absolutes like “You always” or “You never” are a recipe for disaster. They flip any argument into a blame game—no one likes feeling attacked or misunderstood.
When you’re on the receiving end, it’s easy to clam up or get defensive. The real issues get lost in the weeds of past mistakes and exaggerated claims.
These phrases don’t leave room for change, growth, or understanding. Communication works best when it’s about the situation, not a tally of every misstep. Next time, try focusing on the moment, not the history book!
6. “I don’t see what the big deal is.”
Some folks minimize without meaning to, but “I don’t see what the big deal is” can make you feel invisible. It turns your pain into an overreaction instead of something real.
It’s like waving off someone else’s thunderstorm just because your sky is clear. Not every feeling needs to be relatable to be respected.
Empathy is meeting people where they are, not where you wish they’d be. Even if you don’t “get it,” you can still show care. Listening goes a lot further than a dismissive shrug ever will.
7. “Stop being so dramatic.”
We’ve all heard it, maybe even said it: “Stop being so dramatic.” It’s the go-to phrase for people who can’t handle emotional intensity—so they try to shame it away.
This line is a form of emotional gatekeeping. Instead of understanding why you’re upset, it tells you to shrink your feelings to fit someone else’s comfort zone.
The world needs more people who validate—and fewer who police—other people’s reactions. Drama isn’t always about attention; sometimes it’s about being human. Let people feel, even if it’s messy.
8. “I’m not here to coddle you.”
Ever heard, “I’m not here to coddle you,” from a boss or parent? It’s less about tough love and more about shutting down vulnerability.
Compassion isn’t coddling—it’s a basic human need. When someone uses this phrase, it signals that your emotional safety comes second to their convenience.
People don’t need to be babied, but they do need to be understood. Strong relationships are built on care, not coldness. If kindness is “coddling,” give me extra every time!
9. “Just get over it.”
Grief, setbacks, disappointment—they don’t run on your timetable. “Just get over it” is the fastest way to show someone you have zero interest in their healing.
This phrase can compound pain instead of helping someone move through it. Brushing off hard feelings doesn’t make them disappear; it just teaches people to hide them.
Healing is personal and rarely neat. Real support isn’t about rushing the process, but walking alongside someone—even if it takes a while. If you’re at a loss for words, a little patience goes further than this cold dismissal.
10. “I didn’t mean it that way, so you shouldn’t feel that way.”
Intent vs. impact—the age-old debate. “I didn’t mean it that way, so you shouldn’t feel that way” skips the important part: your words landed where they landed, even if you had good intentions.
This phrase is a classic gaslighting move. It tells the listener their feelings are wrong or misplaced, instead of owning up to what happened.
Elevado inteligência emocional means apologizing and clarifying, not doubling down. Even if your words were misunderstood, it’s okay to say, “I see how that hurt you.” It’s not about blame; it’s about repair.
11. “Don’t take it so personally.”
There’s nothing quite like “Don’t take it so personally” to make you feel silly for, well, taking things personally. If it hurts, it’s personal—end of story.
This phrase tries to minimize the impact of words or actions by shifting the blame onto the receiver. It leaves people wondering if they’re overreacting or just too emotional.
Better communication starts with empathy. Instead of pushing people to be less sensitive, try understanding why something landed hard. It opens the door to real connection.
12. “This is just who I am—deal with it.”
When someone says, “This is just who I am—deal with it,” what they really mean is: don’t expect me to change. It’s a shortcut to avoid tough conversations about behavior.
This phrase leaves zero room for growth or compromise. It’s a wall, not a bridge, and it can push people away.
Emotionally intelligent people know that relationships are give and take. Want to be close to others? Show up willing to learn, adjust, and grow. “Deal with it” is code for “I’m not interested in being better.”
13. “That’s not what I said.”
Arguments sometimes get stuck on technicalities. “That’s not what I said” skips the point and heads straight for the nitpick lane.
People remember how you made them feel, not your exact words. High EQ folks clarify, not deflect. They’ll say, “Let me try again,” rather than doubling down.
If you’re more worried about being technically correct than being understood, it’s time to pause. Communication is about connection, not winning debates.
14. “I don’t have time for this.”
Nothing says “your feelings are inconvenient” like “I don’t have time for this.” It’s a quick way to let someone know their emotions are low on your list.
Even in busy moments, a little acknowledgment goes a long way. Delaying a conversation is fine—but brushing someone off entirely? That’s rough.
Strong relationships make space for repair—even if it’s later, not right now. Next time, try, “Can we talk after I finish this?” instead of shutting people down completely.
15. “Why are you still upset about that?”
Sometimes, wounds stick around longer than we’d like. “Why are you still upset about that?” isn’t curiosity—it’s subtle shaming.
This phrase suggests the clock should’ve run out on your feelings already. It can make you feel broken or wrong for still hurting.
Everyone processes pain at their own pace. Instead of rushing others through their feelings, show up with patience. The most healing thing you can offer is consistency, not a timer.
16. “Other people have it worse.”
Comparison is the thief of empathy. “Other people have it worse” tries to shut down your feelings by stacking them up against someone else’s.
Pain isn’t a competition. Just because someone has it harder doesn’t mean your hurt isn’t real or worthy of care.
Validation is the best medicine for hurt. Instead of comparing, try listening and supporting. The world is big enough for everyone’s struggles to matter.
17. “You’re making me the bad guy.”
Here’s a classic deflection move: “You’re making me the bad guy.” It flips the script so fast, you barely know what hit you.
Instead of exploring why someone feels hurt, this phrase turns the spotlight back onto the speaker’s ego. Suddenly, it’s about their feelings—not what started the whole mess.
Emotionally intelligent people don’t run from accountability. If you find yourself reaching for this phrase, try asking, “What do you need from me right now?” instead. It’s a game-changer for real connection.